i am heterosexual and bigender

i am straight for men AND i am straight for women

/s (i'm like 90% sure this is an /s moment)

Dash confirmed the order

I'm feeling exhausted and burned out. I feel like I need to let my emotions out somehow but can't, which is even more exhausting. I'm also getting a bad rash and my hands and arms which I think is stress related. I hate this but I'll get through it. I haven't been as active in the mega threads lately, but I hope everyone is doing ok. Hopefully after this week I'll have some downtime to chat in tracha and get my nerf blaster assembled.

Being trans still doesn't feel real even though I have to habitually wear bras to prevent my boobs from being annoying and can no long lie down on my chest.

I think it's just that I haven't made any real progress in the past few months. And even some of the progress I made (growing out my hair) was undone by my parents (forcing me to cut it).

But it's fine. At least taiwan is fun. Here, I can eat food without going into debt (this is not a joke. I'm actually in debt for my living expenses in europe).

trying to get back into with a little modded SA 2. I've 100% it before on the ps3 (decent port imo since it's basically the dreamcast version). Got the Windii retranslation, full story mode, general qol improvements and some chao garden modes. I wanna get 100% on steam but fuck me I don't wanna have to wait for days on end just to raise and breed the perfect chao again. I honestly prefer Adventure 1 more but already 100% that one and now doing this to just get the steam achievement and slowly get back into the storybook games again.

Cut my fucking finger nail shaving today.

Also love thought loops that are genuinely just true. Like sometimes a little bit exaggerated but overall pretty darn accurate. Fuck.

I still don't know what a lububu is and frankly I think it's funny people just be making up terms and pretending like they real

Long rant cw: dysphoria

I have no choice, I need to buy every isometric city builder game from the late 90s to mid 2000s. It's the only way

::: spoiler i dislike all the talk of community in my irl circles. Shit doesnt exist.

I would like to never be perceived again... I just... I do not want to ever do a social thing ever again. Im so tired of feeling completely alone and isolated even when surrounded by so-called community. There is no queer community, no trans community. Theres just a bunch of somewhat-overlapping social groups. And ya girl is not good at integrating/being part of them. Like, the message is clear: people do not want to talk to me. I dont understand why, and i try to be social, but god, i had two utter failures of social situations in as many days, and the common denomenator is me. Im not supposed to have friends or be included in social groups...

rant time :3

can people stop saying "protect trans youth" just to turn around and do everything in their power to exclude trans youth? trans youth have been having it worse and worse because there exists literally no community for trans youth, online or offline. treating youth like less than human and isolating them just leads to trauma, anxiety, depression, and normalizes oppression. its the part of the reason why things are so bad today. stop playing into a conservative narrative you KNOW is bullshit. when y'all get old and become unsuit for activism, there's a chance that there won't be anyone to replace you, because no one supported the next generation of queer people. how do you ever hope to band together if you actively exclude the new generation? if the very groups that they belong in don't actually want them until they're "old enough"? we need to remember that if we don't support the next generation, we're the ones to be erased from history, because the next gen are the people to hold the torch.

My wife is so spicy she pissed off the local character who sent us an angry message claiming that we hate women (shes a radfem.) I'm like "😩nooooo" but my wife is over here crying from laughter and plans to leave her on read.

i think i’m transitioning into a child instead of a woman, one tsa guy asked if I was 18, and another asked if I was 13 🫠

Weekend coming gonna party with some tea, pancakes and idk might put an audiobook on while I won't be at the library I still wish to keep the library vibes going

Messaged my cousin two days ago- no word yet. Guessing she just doesn't check instagram much.

Old men love it when I dress like a ghost wearing long grey pants, long sleeve grey shirt, and a giant black sun hat in the triple digit heat index.

I'm meeting with some other trans women for make-up practice this weekend. Quitting Germany really was the best decision. Kinda interesting how I mostly hang out with the other diy girlies. The ones with the diagnoses and endos and stuff just are not as interested.(and also tend to be libs, with some unpleasant opinions)

5h of sleep is not okay. My eepy princess ass can't deal with this. And today I gotta go to the office

I had lots of fun today. Gotta to yell out "O chinchin ga daisuki" in the streets with a bunch of Japanese people (long story). There were Thai, Mexicans, Taiwanese and tons of people. We ate. We played this physical rhythm game thing. Then I went home.

It took me 5 minutes to become depressed again. Fuck this bullshit ass brain chemistry. I don't know and I don't care what mental pathologies I am suffering from. Just go away. Leave me alone.

I don't want to end on a negative note, so I will just say. I love my boobs. If I went back in time my younger self would be so freaked out. But "he" had dreams of being strapped into a machine and gender swapped. So I think "he" would come round.

i keep telling myself that they're not into me. that they don't see me as anything other than a friend. that this isn't a date and that i shouldn't get my hopes up. idk how much of this is just defense mechanism but... ugh. it's never worked out romantically for me and i've fucking tried more times than I can count

getting my hopes up feels nice but then i immediately get scared and press it back down again. saying this will fail and we'll only just be friends keeps me safe and dead inside. saying that this will go well and get you a partner just feels like