Plot twist: it was someone else’s kidney
this post was submitted on 16 Dec 2025
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Turns out Keanu had witnessed somebody walking their dog, and that person kept jerking on the leash and kicked the dog. After rescuing the dog, the offender was tied up in Keanu's backseat. Kidney donation is 100% justifiable consequence of his actions.
This is the sustainable organ farming the future needs.
He removed someone's kidney with a pennnnnciilllll
Then gave them pennnnicillllinnn
a fooking pencieeeeeellll!
His glove compartment is just full of them.
Where'd you get this kidney?
Found it
When I was younger, maybe junior high, I got roped into watching my 3 month old niece while my sister got her hair done. So there I am, sitting in the waiting area of a hair salon with my niece, and who walks in but Keanu Reeves!
I was nervous as fuck, and just kept looking at him as he read a magazine and waited, but didn't know what to say. Pretty soon though my niece started crying, and I'm trying to quiet her down because I didn't want her to bother Keanu, but she just wouldn't stop. Pretty soon he gets up and walks over. He started running his hands through her hair and asking what was wrong. I replied that she was probably hungry or something. So, Keanu put down his magazine, picked up my niece and lifted his shirt. He breast fed her right there in the middle of a hair salon. Chill guy, really nice about it.
I believed you for the first sentence, then you betrayed me.
Right? I bet they don't even have a niece, I bet it was actually them that this happened to
He ran his fingers through her hair before putting down the magazine? Impossibly awkward. That's how I knew your story was a lie.
If it worked that way he probably would though.
Johnny Kidneyhands
I saw Keanu Reeves at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything. He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying. The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter. When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.
Finally people are beginning to see the REAL Keanu.
And bonus points to Keanu for inventing a new word.
keep that filthy reddit copypasta out of lemmy
It's from /mu/ originally
I thought the second photo was John Wick twisting the hand of the guy next to him to keep him quiet
He's so dreamy
Johnny Kidneyhand.
Little known fact, Keanu can regenerate organs.
Average Reddit Post be like:
I would literally die for Keanu. He's the most epic person on the planet and not a bad actor at all. He doesn't know me but we are kind of like best friends.
John(ny) is just the best!
fake
good point its probably true
There is no way you just called Jesus fake.
he never really existed
I was talking about Keanu not about magical sky daddy / son / ghost / whatever the fuck these idiots think he is.
I know
its the big keanu konspiracy
For free?
uhh you mayybe shouldn't handle a kidney with your bare hands??
It's only safe to do in third-world countries.
You've clearly never watched The Good Doctor.
I haven't, but a good doctor probably wouldn't do that.
In the show, he was a good doctor and was able to troubleshoot a kidney by hand (eye, actually, IIRC).
You're right, though ... In real life a good doctor couldn't and wouldn't.
What about a good sturgeon?
A flock of good sturgeons can strip the flesh from a man's bones--kidneys included--in seven minutes flat, without even using their hands.
A flock of bad sturgeons take between ten and eleven minutes because they do use their hands, which slows them down to about two thirds speed.
how else do you eat kidney beans?
with a fork or a spoon, usually
Classical keanu
Will he turned me into a newt...
I got better.
Only one kidney?
he harvestated from his wick days.