Someone should email the Vatican and ask. Not because I think they have the answer, just because I think it'd be funny.
this post was submitted on 19 Dec 2025
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Are they on social media? I wanna see this conversation.
Do do it in person. You'll be sent to the Vatican catacombs to spend the rest of your days.
Probably stand still otherwise that walking on the sea part of the Bible would have been hilarious as Jesus flips all over the place in the waves as the disciples yell, “Oh shit! OH FUCK!”
Jesus did surf the first wave and lo, it was hella gnar
I think saying "Jesus Christ!" It's warranted
Let's be honest, he probably used a glass bridge, and got some disciples to swim underneath it to convince his followers to like and subscribe to his teachings
It found a sand bar and made the most epic and consequential dad joke ever.
He'd stand still, so effectively on a fixed point relative to the planet.
Otherwise there'd be reports of him wobbling with the waves in that accurate and trustworthy book some randos wrote decades after he ~~went back to his spaceship~~ died...
Also, is this an European river or African river?
The answer to the question depends on if Jesus walks over water or on water. I think the idea of him not being able to bath without disabling his habilities is funnier so he would go down the river as if it were an icy slope, behaving as a drop of a highly hydrophobic substance.
What happens if it rains? Does he ping pong off the raindrops into the sky or dose he get a water bubble around him?
The water falls around him without wetting him, if it rains hard enough it would look like a water bubble so yes.
Ah yes, the Lotus effect.
If hes in a bubble, but not above the water, he would be underwater. Meaning he would float to stand above his bubble if there's enough water there, bringing the bubble with him keeping him underwater. So, he would shoot strait up like a rocket, or perhaps liftoff before the rain touches the ground...
Is there an upper range on the power? What if a waterworld a billion light years away is directly overhead? Dose he travel to a surface faster than his human form could survive?
Jesus instantly vaporizing because technically there is ice in mars and he gets shot up is really funny but I think he can turn off the power at will and adjust the range
How does he drink water? Is that why he needs to turn water to wine?
Even wine has water in it, along with most of his body.
I feel like they did a bad job fleshing out the magic system, it’s full of plot holes like this.
I can imagine the soles of his feet being hydrophobic, but I don't see why the rest of him needs to be
It would look cool under the rain
Reminds me of those wizards in Discworld who are raised on dehydrated water, and can thus hover on water due to how much they hate its existence
Because he could slip, and then become submerged.
Do you have any idea how slippery water is? Which is begging the question how one can walk on water when there is hardly any friction.
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Does Jesus impart weight on the water at all? We have to assume not, because otherwise he would create a depression in it. This means he could stand on the flow coming out of a hosepipe that he himself is holding.
With a long enough hosepipe he could fly over buildings.
With a long enough hosepipe he could fly over buildings.
Just wait for rain
What if he slipped and accidentally turned it all into wine?
Could he still walk on it?
His followers would drown.
According to the lore, he's a god so he can do whatever the fuck he wants.
I mean, I figured it was more a case like Hercules where he's half god and thus is human with superpowers.
In the middle ages you would have burned at the stake for that heresy!
Jesus isn't half God, half man. He's all God and all man, and there's only one God.
Therefore he's also his own son, and he had to truly die (but only for 3 days) as a sacrifice to himself, to convince himself to forgive you for being the way he created you.
Then he came back for a bit before his human body physically rose up to heaven, where he sits at his own side.
But he'll come back again very, very soon. He just didn't get around to it in over 2000 years.
Get it right!
Look... It's only 1030 am here. I should not be as drunk as that explanation would require to understand at this time of day.
Jesus isn't half God, half man. He's all God and all man
Well... he was made to be, for political reasons ...after he died. I think the 1st council of nicea, 3rd century? Too lazy to look it up to be sure but Wikipedia has the transcript.
In the middle ages you would have burned at the stake for that heresy!
And ancient Judaism worshipped a mountain god creating spring water.
Ugh. I hate soft magic systems. It's so unsatisfying!
jerry seinfeld dated a 17-year-old named shoshanna back in the 1990s. sorry if this is how you found out. seriously!
How fast is the current?
Is there a flow threshold where he does start moving, and is that threshold relativistic?
"Look, it's an important unresolved question. We are all in dire need of doctrinal clarification. Does anybody know the Pope's phone number?"
1-800-ASK-POPE. 5$ for the first minute, 1$ for each additional minute.
dude imagine a water slide
shit dude a wave pool?
jesus just chilling on his phone and only moving up and down in the middle of a wave pool
Whatever he felt like doing.
He stands still
How many lands does he have left? Do I have any counter spells left? No way I'm allowing zombie jesus to walk on water, I got goblins to double on his ass.
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