this post was submitted on 07 Feb 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] mechoman444@lemmy.world 8 points 1 day ago (1 children)

You die.

You ascend to the pearly gates. Saint Peter stands there, or the Islamic equivalent, whatever, holding a book with your record. He flips through it.

“Let’s see. Beat his wife and kids, no problem. Stole massive amounts of money, okay. Generally racist, shouldn’t be an issue. Killed a man in cold blood. It was a Jew, so no great loss. Wait. You used pork paintballs? Are you fucking kidding me?”

A hole opens beneath you. You fall straight to hell.

[–] Iron_Lynx@lemmy.world 2 points 21 hours ago

"I can forgive the wifebeating, the drunkenness, the rape, but the pork paintballs‽ To the deepest pits with you! Insha'Allah, motherfucker!"

/j, obviously

[–] Etterra@discuss.online 11 points 2 days ago

One man's religious stupidity is another man's business opportunity.

[–] jellyfishhunter@lemmy.world 174 points 3 days ago (8 children)

I know nothing about paintball, but I feel like there has to be vegan paintballs.

[–] ShankShill@sh.itjust.works 70 points 3 days ago (4 children)
[–] Quetzalcutlass@lemmy.world 8 points 2 days ago
[–] BoosBeau@lemmy.world 9 points 2 days ago

Damn, you play for keeps

[–] fartographer@lemmy.world 13 points 3 days ago

Fuck. I guess you're the one attending paintball with a Claymore.

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[–] danc4498@lemmy.world 27 points 3 days ago (3 children)

Blend kale and almond milk.

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[–] ragebutt@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 3 days ago

Agar maybe, or alginate

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[–] 5oap10116@lemmy.world 85 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Hindu paintballers be like

[–] harambe69@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 2 days ago

Literally 1857

[–] NikkiDimes@lemmy.world 49 points 3 days ago (3 children)

Yeah wait, can we not make paintballs with...no animal parts?

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 9 points 2 days ago

Yeah, that's kinda buried in the lead.

"Hey, just FYI, all your paintballs have pork fat in them" would be a more startling revelation.

[–] ComradeRachel@lemmy.blahaj.zone 12 points 3 days ago

I’m guessing the shell is made from gelatin or something? Which is made from animal bones. I can’t think of what else would be made from animal.

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 19 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Pretty sure it's jist the shell the paint is in that uses animal parts, and glycerine can be made from plants too. 🤷‍♂️

[–] redundantgrouch@sh.itjust.works 43 points 3 days ago (3 children)

You can definitely get Glycerine from a Bush.

[–] Randomgal@lemmy.ca 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Yes. But would that cost money of the poor investors? Please think of the poor investors.

[–] Tikiporch@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

Is it a bad thing to get the most out of a resource? Even if the resource is personally disgusting.

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 12 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I hate living in this wheel where everyone steals.

[–] neclimdul@lemmy.world 8 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Yeah it sucks, but when we rise it's like strawberry fields.

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[–] deHaga@feddit.uk 94 points 3 days ago (3 children)

It was just medieval food safety to not eat pork in hot countries. They really need to update their software.

[–] Hapankaali@lemmy.world 72 points 3 days ago (16 children)

The origin of Abrahamic dietary laws is not certain. There is no obvious benefit in terms of hygiene, also not in ancient times (they long predate "medieval" times). Keep in mind that poultry carries a significant risk of salmonella poisoning.

It has been suggested that the origin might have simply been that pigs are viewed as unclean due to their own diet including carrion. Another speculated reason is that rulers might have wanted to promote poultry due to it being a more economical way of raising livestock.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 26 points 3 days ago (1 children)

i have a specific unusual food allergy. I always presumed abraham or ishmael or jacob or moses or one of them mythical folk had a food allergy against pigs and said "you know what, if i started a religion about not eating pigs maybe i wouldn't get the runs every time i went out to eat"

[–] Nythos@sh.itjust.works 6 points 3 days ago (3 children)

“Pork makes me shit so much that Moses could part it, that’s it! It’s banned”

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[–] AllNewTypeFace@leminal.space 13 points 3 days ago (1 children)

There was also the result of drawing a sharp line between the in-group and everyone else. If we have strict dietary laws but the people on the other side of the hill don’t share them, then it follows that they’re unspeakable barbarians, and that we should not trade or cooperate with them, let alone intermarry, and indeed, it’s acceptable to kill them and take their stuff, as surely such a barbarous people would do the same to us.

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[–] Raptor_007@lemmy.world 44 points 3 days ago

Yeah. Religion is well-known for its acceptance of logic 😆

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[–] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 63 points 3 days ago (12 children)

Someone needs to explain to me why there’s ANY animal product in a paintball in the first place.

[–] new_guy@lemmy.world 92 points 3 days ago (3 children)

Paintballs are made of gelatin. Gelatin is often just collagen and collagen is basically connective tissue.

[–] kayzeekayzee@lemmy.blahaj.zone 47 points 3 days ago (3 children)

Fun fact! This is why E Ink displays use pig products!

[–] AllNewTypeFace@leminal.space 15 points 3 days ago

Is there a Halal Kindle for the Islamic world?

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[–] edinbruh@feddit.it 13 points 3 days ago

I only did paintball once, and that place didn't use gelatin balls, I think they were made of a thin bioplastic film (corn stuff) filled with ink

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[–] responsible_sith@programming.dev 42 points 3 days ago (3 children)

So you don't need them to be hallal if you just don't get hit.

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 10 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Presumably they need to be able to touch their own balls?

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[–] jaybone@lemmy.zip 26 points 3 days ago (1 children)
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