I feel like it would change our relationship dynamic.
this post was submitted on 10 Feb 2026
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I've been with my partner for a decade. I want to get married, she doesn't. She was married for 8 years in her prior relationship. She doesn't want government involved in our love life and doesn't like the thought of being a wife or having a husband. Both of those titles come with the stigma of a power dynamic that borders on ownership to her. She tells me the main reason she got married the first time was to change her surname, which she never felt connected to (parents divorced at young age, estranged from father since then).
I assume at some point we'll be forced to be married due to some legal restriction that would be lifted by such paperwork existing.
Been there, done that, and the benefits are barely anything in the long run. Not doing it again.
I want to ask this genuinely (you don't have to answer if this something private), but doesn't something like that foster resentment?
Being upfornt here, I have no relationship expertise, so I have no framework of how finances look separate vs joined but I have heard about this a lot on the internet and struggle to see how it can implemented in healthy romantic relationship.
Maybe. Didn't for me. She was just emotionally and physically abusive. That's what fostered resentment.
I've been with my partner for about 15 years and we are not married. We have no plans for kids and we keep our finances separate so there wasn't much use. However, being married could be a benefit for migrating to another country.
Depending on the state, a divorce through a court isn't easy even with agreeable parties. We also move states a lot and don't want to have to do that in a state we no longer live in.
There are no benefits in it for me. Financially I make enough to stay single. Relationships take a lot of work and I’ve never felt like they added value to my life.
This is interesting to me. When I originally asked the question, I was mostly thinking about people in relationships and why they wouldn’t want to make that legal commitment. tbh I think not wanting to be in a relationship at all is probably the best reason to not get married. forgive me if im overstepping, but have you always wanted to be single?
When it comes to the legal definition of marriage, it doesn't just come with legal rights, it comes with legal responsibilities.
The most notable one is sharing of assets. There's a reason divorce lawyers exist, as well as the trope of messy divoerces. In the most basic scenario, divorce requires all marital assets to be split evenly, and that can be very difficult, since many assets CAN'T be split at all. You can't split a house, for example, but you're probably not interested in continuing to live together after a divorce, so who gets it? You're probably both pretty emotionally attached to it. Unless the parties can agree to one getting the house, and the other getting a bunch of other stuff to make up for it, the house will probably have to be sold, so they can split the sale price instead. And kids don't split evenly either, as you may have heard from Solomon.
In short, unless the two parties trust each other pretty thoroughly, or truly intend to stay married permanently, or are willing to retain lawers and draw up a pre-nuptual agreement to prepare for a divorce, pre-emptively, marriage carries a fair bit of personal risk.
Women tend to live longer and happier if they are single.
The wedding industry is an expensive mess with far too high expectations and pressure to put yourself in debt and disappointment for one party.
This is not an anti wedding but anti relationship sentiment.
I feel like this is very inappropriate to post on this topic, since you shouldn't dictate who people should date.
Did you not read the question?
I'm not telling anyone what to do, just answering a post.
The wedding industry is an expensive mess
came here to say that, not forgetting the social constraint: people may not want to become a 'married couple'.
I answered in the post the OP mentioned why my spouse and I made our 25+ years old (and counting) relationship official and it's out of pure legal considerations: giving the other full authority in case of medical emergency, protect the other I when the other will pass away (and spare them the burden of having to pay taxes on the inheritance), making it simpler (and safer) to rend our buy a home,... BUt it still took us years to decide doing it: because we're also one of those (odd?) couple that have chosen to live our life like we wanted to live it, not like society (and friends and families) expected us to.
Edit, if I may:
Women tend to live longer and happier if they are single.
Do you have any data backing that up or is personal feeling? I would be curious to read more about that.
No sorry, I pulled it straight out of my ass.
Or rather, I'm pretty sure I read about a study a long while back, from like finland or japan, on life expectancy. But it also aligned well with my world view so I didn't really question it, and dont have it saved anywhere. I dont know how much of it is still, or was ever true... but I for sure would lose several years to stress and frustration being married over staying single.
The happiness I've read about more recently, but the above applies here as well, though I'm more confident that this is a real thing.
No problem, well al have opinions. It can help to make it clear when it's just that, though, as it will probably avoid having some people feel angry or cheated or whatever (I suppose it is the reason why your post was downvoted?).
And to anyone wondering, yes, I would be more than interested to read more about that kind of studies... if only, because I'm skeptical about it and don't mind being proven wrong.
And, yes, this time half-trolling but half only, I would feel devastated realizing I'm shortening my lifelong (25+ years and counting) partner's life expectancy just by being her partner.
Edit: maybe this (image at the end of the link) is a valid study showing the hell men (and boys) create for women (and teens)? Sorry, it's just I can never get enough of this comics ;)
I put plenty of hedges (is that a real expression? hedged my answer?) when answering the opposite question, and didn't feel like doing the same this time. I'll live with the consequences, haha.
But thanks for the fact check! Good thing one of us wasn't lazy about it today.
Here's something you can read:
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7452000/
For what it's worth, what I've always read was that both men and women live longer if married, but the increase in lifespan is bigger for men than women.
Personally, I don't think my wife would be better off. She's disabled and can't work. She basically got fucked over by genetics.
While it was nowhere near as bad as it is now when she was in her 20's and 30's, the only times she was actually symptom free was when she was pregnant.