free money
this post was submitted on 28 Feb 2026
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For posting all the anonymous reactionary bullshit that you can't post anywhere else.
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It's basically acting as a bond; no matter how unlikely the scenario actually is, the yield for equivalent fixed income instruments acts as a floor due to market shenanigans.
4% over a year.
'no' pays less than a term deposit.
Jesus returns in 2027. Once again, he’s brown and Jewish.
He immediately begins performing miracles. He cures diseases and removes lead piping in poor communities. He creates water and food which he leaves in deserts near the border. He breaks bread with trans people, sex workers, and other undesirables. He speaks out against foreign wars and gay conversion therapy. He advocates for showing mercy to people fleeing violence and poverty. People wake up one day to find their guns transformed into farm equipment. Smelling an opportunity, Trump hammers Jesus on Twitter as a socialist agitator helping “invaders” to “destroy America.” Sean Hannity does an hour-long special debunking his miracles and discussing how his agenda is anti-American and meant to undermine Christianity. Jerry Falwell Jr. leads a movement of evangelical pastors denouncing him from pulpits across the nation.
Eventually, Jesus is arrested for providing healthcare without a license, leaving food and water in the desert, protesting outside a free speech zone, destruction of property, and eventually sedition and terrorism. His followers are placed on an FBI watchlist. Following a short trial, he is convicted and sentenced to death. Smelling another opportunity, Trump gives the American people the opportunity to choose whether he should pardon Jesus, or a Border Patrol officer convicted of murdering migrants. Following a social media campaign, a coalition led by the religious and political right manages to swing the vote. The Border Patrol officer is pardoned, and immediately begins a campaign for state senate in Arizona.
Because of drug shortages, Jesus is executed using an experimental electric cross. The ensuing earthquakes and eclipse are interpreted as God’s displeasure with the gay agenda. A selfie of a prison guard inserting the muzzle of his AR-15 into a hole burned into Jesus’ side goes viral. Republican voters start a trend of getting this scene as a tattoo, which is good for discounts at friendly businesses. Iran deploys several low-yield nuclear weapons in response to a US invasion, producing a strain of stinging scorpion-locusts which decimate crop yields. Several new diseases develop in starving refugee camps.
Thanks in part to voters mobilized by the trial and execution, as well as fears of deteriorating global security, Trump is reelected by narrow margins. Falwell Jr. is inspired to declare him the second coming of the messiah.
Across the heartland, the transformation was total. The "Spear-in-Side" tattoos became the ultimate badge of the faithful. In suburban megachurches, the communion wine was replaced with a proprietary energy drink branded 'The Blood of the Bold', and the bread was stamped with the seal of the Department of Homeland Security.
Meanwhile, the "Farm Equipment"—the rusted plows and harvesters that had once been AR-15s—became the center of a new, darker ritual. Since the soil was now choked by the radioactive ash of the low-yield exchanges in the Middle East, the equipment was useless for farming. Instead, the "Discarded Tools of the Weak" were melted down to create a massive, 50-foot statue of Trump holding a gilded Bible, erected on the spot where Jesus had been executed.
That's a great addition. I first reposted this copypasta from someone else on reddit like 7 years ago lol I just changed the year from 2020 to 2027
Damn- I thought we were about to concoct some really dark fan fic
I mean we still can it's even closer to reality now...
I feel like I'm just gonna end up writing the new NEW Testament
Modern day Taiping rebellion, but I only claim to be Jesus because I have to hit a sick parlay
This is slander. Hong Xiuquan never claimed to be Jesus. He claimed he was Jesus' little brother and his representative on earth.
Hesus!? Bro will get kidnapped and deported by ICE