chat

Same. I had a photographic memory as a kid, but now the vigilance consumes so much bandwidth my memory can't hold much. The lack of an option to drop everything for a week or two, let my brain settle out plus catch up on rest, then step back in, is why work and school are not realistic for me. Capitalism thinks I deserve to die for being this way and the feeling is mutual.

had a difficult time recently as well with things resurfacing, it's really really hard. hope you're able to get some good sleep soon comrade (also that cat is very cute and so angular like minecraft) <3

Sorry you’re going through that. I was debilitated by CPTSD for a large part of my life until I found the right therapist who helped me reducing some of the pain I felt by talking through it and finding its origins, and accepting the pain that might never go away. CPTSD is a very heavy burden to carry every day and I hope you find some way to live with it as well, at least to an extent that is doesn’t regularly take you out for multiple days/weeks.

As an aside, when I saw the cat and read CPTSD, in my head I read it as Cat PTSD which is sad because I don’t want cats to suffer from PTSD but it also calms me to know that cats who suffer from (C)PTSD can also recover somewhat by entering a loving home with very patient humans.

I've got a very close friend with CPTSD...

I hope the best for you, comrade - and I hate this for you.

For just a moment I thought this was a c(at)ptsd post.

Things get better or easier (sometimes they are different, sometimes they are the same concept) with a little time. And a little counseling sometimes.

I think most of us dwell on things that have happened in our pasts. Some of us more than others. I certainly do. I end up in my own head a lot over-criticizing my past actions. Sometimes some good comes of it but not often. It's mostly just a negative outcome once I go there. I have to see a counselor to help with it. I also eat a lot of edibles and go for walks by myself. I've found a few mechanisms that help, but it happens to everyone to some extent.

You aren't alone.

it's a tough road, my friend. my partner almost certainly has it, and in researching it with her i've started to suspect i at least have a higher-than-average amount of the traits of cPTSD as well. i'm not sure if i qualify for a full diagnosis, but i'm also increasingly wondering if that matters so much: mental disorders are mostly just the language we build on top of clusters of symptoms/challenges/patterns of thought and behavior that impede functioning & happiness, and those individual issues/patterns & their causes mean a lot more to me than the words we use as short hands.

healing is possible, but it's never gonna be perfect or linear. in me & my partners case, each of us having started with individual trauma informed therapists does help a lot (though i realize there are massive systemic barriers to entry for that so more informal & self-directed ways to tackle the disorder are very valid).

hug

You too?

Im lucky enough to be in one of those troughs where its not so bad at the moment and it seems like its been getting better overall for a while now. Then Ill say that and remember the emotional flashbacks i was having 12 hours ago and the habits I still have despite all the counseling and strategies and progress.

Be strong!

Unfortunately there's little I can do for you besides remind you that you deserve to be happy and there are people here who want nothing but the best for you.

I can tell you the source of your image though:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sand_cat

Hoping you feel better soon, and get as much self care as possible 🤗😸

Damn. I've been there. I hope you can find some peace.