Why do merkins exist?

A different thread for ways I like to cook eggs that aren't just scrambled:

Poached/boiled out of shell: Just bring a pot of water (plus some salt and vinegar) to a boil and crack the eggs into it. Use a slotted spoon to make sure they all move in the pot, or it might stick to the bottom. Technically, poaching is done at a temperature below a simmer (so like 70-80 °C), but personally I prefer the texture you get from simmering/boiling them. Everything ends up firmer. There's an art/science to getting the yolk right; IMO perfect is catching it right as it transitions from runny to hard, so it's still kinda gooey but won't just spill out of your sandwich as soon as you break the yolk. Even if you want to keep it at a boil, reduce the heat from max or it will bubble over. You get an egg that is soft but firm, burning is pretty much impossible.

Fried: Heat a pan, add a bit of oil, let it heat up to the point that it evaporates water on contact and add the eggs. Don't stir them or anything. They'll stick to the pan at first, but after they cook for a bit, the bottom should harden up and come loose. If not, just scrape it with a spatula (assuming you aren't using some kind of teflon pan; if you are and have eggs sticking, it's probably a good idea to throw that pan out before you consume any more of that coating that has been coming off into your food). If you add other things to the eggs while they are liquid, they get cooked into the eggs, like solid scrambled eggs. You can cover the pan to help cook the top part quicker, or try flipping the eggs at your own risk. Sunny side up is when you don't flip it (I think?).

Hard boiled: Easy method is to use an electric burner (any other will affect the timing). Put the eggs into a single layer in a pot, then add cold water until the eggs are covered. Add some vinegar to make the shells easier to hable. Then heat to a boil on high heat. Once the pot reaches a rapid boil, turn off the heat and remove the pot from the heat. Set a timer for 15 minutes and once that has passed, move the eggs to an ice bath to stop the cooking. If you do this right (and your local conditions are close enough to mine), you end up with perfectly cooked hard boiled eggs (great for deviled eggs, though I might let it cook a bit longer for egg salad), where the yolk is right at the transition. Stop sooner if you want soft boiled with a runny yolk.

Omlette: whisk eggs with milk, then add to a preheated and oiled wide pan with shallow sides. Then, as it cooks, push back the rim of the egg mixture towards the centre, with the goal of letting all the liquid run to the edges and come in contact with the pan so it cooks. Then, once all the liquid has run to the sides, the hard part: you gotta flip the omelette. Make sure you have enough space vertically, the trick is to swing the pan such that the omelette slides off the back side, though obviously moving mostly vertically. That sliding off is what gives it a bit of torque to flip. But many an omelette has become scrambled eggs at this point. If the flip is successful, add toppings while it cooks, then fold over and serve.

Other tricks:

• You can often just add an egg to whatever you're cooking. It might affect the texture, but eggs cook very easily, do don't be too concerned about the food safety. I'll poach an egg with ramen I'm cooking (like boiled raman, not the "just add hot water" ones) or add it when I fry it at the end (adds some texture to the noodles).
• Use (metal) cookie cutters while frying eggs to give them fun or convenient shapes. Like egg mcmuffins use round ones so they easily fit on a sandwich.
• don't forget to season your eggs. If you're frying them, you can do so as they cook, but poached eggs need it when they are served, otherwise the water just washes it away.

Breaking: I just realized I have no idea what "over easy" refers to with cooking eggs. I'm curious, but admit that my starting point is "this sounds like a stupid name for a cooking method", so there might be a bit of bias to work with or against if you want to discourage or encourage favour, respectively. Updates will be posted here, should anyone decide this is sufficiently interesting to allow to develop.

Maybe the real horny was inside of all of us the whole time.