this post was submitted on 03 Jun 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] SwingingTheLamp@piefed.zip 83 points 1 day ago (4 children)

Where I live, nudity is not by itself considered indecent, so this would not be true.

So, be sure to rub one out during the crime.

[–] pulsey@feddit.org 17 points 1 day ago (1 children)

they called him the rubbing robber

[–] Bratosch@lemmy.world 9 points 1 day ago

Nananananananana BEATMAN

[–] LodeMike@lemmy.today 9 points 1 day ago (1 children)

In the U.S. at least a naked child isn't obscene. Also if they masturbate on camera the police and courts absolutely can still view it.

[–] merc@sh.itjust.works 12 points 1 day ago (3 children)

If what OP said was actually true, then it would make investigating child porn cases nearly impossible. Someone does have to watch the footage to determine if a crime was committed, and often the people who have to do that end up having major mental health issues as a result.

[–] brbposting@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 day ago

Someone does have to watch the footage

Heroes - hope they’re nightmare-proof people

[–] DanceMomsSavedMe@lemmy.zip 1 points 1 day ago

Wouldn't a detective or whatever do that though and not the jury? Or would they actually show a Jury that?

I'm gonna tell them I think they should hang drunk drivers or some other outlandish stuff if they ever put me in a potential jury pool just to make sure I get immediately sent home and never get contacted for it again.

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[–] WoodScientist@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

If a minor is provocatively nude in front of a surveillance camera, could they be prosecuted for production of child pornography?

[–] Lemminary@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

I wouldn't be surprised, tbh.

Hence why the nudist colony of all ages can be naked together. Its completely legal

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 84 points 2 days ago (3 children)

The cops can watch it, copy it, sell it on the dark web, pass it up to their bosses, use the panopticon to find the kid in question, hunt them for sport, black bag them, rape them, force a confession through torture, and then throw the kid into the serial sexual assault wing of the state prison for 30 years.

[–] binux@sh.itjust.works 59 points 1 day ago (2 children)

I'm just imagining someone saying this in response to OP's joke at a party and this is the (natural) response

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 39 points 1 day ago (3 children)
[–] binux@sh.itjust.works 36 points 1 day ago

There's always a 10th dentist

[–] JordanZ@lemmy.world 16 points 1 day ago

I think the lady on the other side is really into it then.

[–] CIA_chatbot@lemmy.world 8 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Something just awoke in her

[–] joelfromaus@aussie.zone 5 points 1 day ago

Her inner voice donned a police cap.

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[–] jaggedrobotpubes@lemmy.world 7 points 2 days ago (3 children)

...which would be a crime so yes not a counterexample but still yes you can of course say those things if you like.

[–] ZombiFrancis@sh.itjust.works 16 points 2 days ago

The investigation found no evidence of wrongdoing.

[–] flandish@lemmy.world 11 points 1 day ago (1 children)

history has shown that there exists a cohort of folks the concept of “crime” does not apply to.

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[–] GeneralEmergency@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago

Don't get in the way of Lemmites trying to be edge lords.

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

But I'm still technically innocent lol

[–] OhStopYellingAtMe@lemmy.world 20 points 1 day ago (1 children)

What if you’re an adult but you just strap naked minors to your body?

Wait, no that would raise other issues I suppose.

[–] ayyy@sh.itjust.works 8 points 1 day ago

They legally can’t stop you if you declare that it’s an official action.

[–] Sir_Premiumhengst@lemmy.world 12 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Nudity is not pornography.... But, say, you were rubbing one out while robbing a store...

[–] tias@discuss.tchncs.de 4 points 1 day ago

Says who? Certainly not the law.

[–] napkin2020@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 day ago

Rubber rubbing robber

[–] abbiistabbii@piefed.blahaj.zone 49 points 2 days ago (1 children)

That's where your wrong, they hire people to do that.

[–] lime@feddit.nu 29 points 2 days ago (2 children)
[–] abbiistabbii@piefed.blahaj.zone 35 points 2 days ago

Ironically, yes!

[–] Oisteink@lemmy.world 11 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] lime@feddit.nu 5 points 2 days ago (1 children)

oh i'd rather it not be minors. children have no sense of quality.

[–] Oisteink@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

In crime quantity can take you pretty far pretty fast

[–] But_my_mom_says_im_cool@lemmy.world 27 points 1 day ago (1 children)

If you kill a guy right at daylight savings and go home. You’re not lying when you say you were at home at 2am

In the vein of threads about genies that fuck with your wishes:

If you kill a guy right at daylight savings and go home. You’re not lying when you say you were at home at 2am

Picked the wrong direction of daylight savings time, so instead of rolling back to 1am it went to 3am.

[–] muusemuuse@sh.itjust.works 9 points 1 day ago

Incorrect. Only poor people cannot watch the footage.

[–] homes@piefed.world 18 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (3 children)

Funny you mention this. I attended an all guys boarding school in the 90s.

If there existed WebCams and the Internet, I would be a gay porn billionaire.

Instead, I just have a lot of very fond of memories, and then knowledge that there is no such thing as a straight man. A little bit of weed, and any guy loves having his asshole licked.

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 24 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] homes@piefed.world 13 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Meh. Had a gay ol’ time, that’s all I know.

[–] RickyRigatoni@piefed.zip 8 points 1 day ago (1 children)

The truth is sometimes men are just too horny to care about whose hole or tongue it is.

[–] homes@piefed.world 4 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Or just too lonely

I grew up in the 80s and we were promised a future that was gonna be awesome.

We got a future that fucking sucks

Just keep taking turns with your work buddy. It’s easy and it feels good.

[–] Fedizen@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

Look its not gay if you say "good game" afterwards. Then its just lads winding down.

[–] GhostFace@lemmy.today 4 points 1 day ago

You can do a lot of things as a minor as long as you keep receipts. And I guess as long as they're someone who isn't wealthy.

[–] qwertyasdf@feddit.uk 10 points 2 days ago

Almost down voted but realised its shitposting. You may have my upvote

[–] db2@lemmy.world 8 points 2 days ago

Also known as an Epstein island audition.

[–] umbraroze@piefed.social 5 points 1 day ago

...dunno how this works in other parts of the world, but here in Europe they'd try you as a minor and seal the evidence - which they'd do whether you'd be naked in security footage or not. It just doesn't matter, they'd examine the evidence as a part of the proceedings nonetheless!

[–] DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

I don't think this is explicitly illegal anywhere, but related laws can be interpreted to make it so. Judges have a LOT of leeway in this area, so much so, the "kid" could be a legal adult, and also fully dressed.

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