It sounds like a lot of over thinking. I'm autistic I over think and over analyse, always analyse everything all the time personally.. Can be stressful but try not to stress too much.

There are many people here who could help with some of your questions anytime c:

I'll parrot my wife and say read Gender Outlaw and Gender Accelerationist Manifesto. I grew up without any peers and pretty isolated so I didn't try to conform as a neurotypical, I never fit in nor tried to conform to being typically cis much personally just coasted existing knowing I was trans, having my body chnage at puberty but not having any real help nor knowledge on anything..

As for labels for you and labels for what others people use, you know this. As long as you respect other peoples labels then they shouldn't take offense at how you use yours. There are many labels and how people use them can be fairly varied but as long as you are respectful then there shouldn't be any problem

Girls vs women is probably maturity/age label can depend on the individual I don't apply either to myself

You're doing good just asking questions that's always good.