Didn't have a chance to write up a detailed post, either on a fruit or the topic I was originally thinking about. I think they're neat and they taste good.
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I actually had someone describe me as very elegant last week. Still feel almost the same as you. The grass definitely isn’t greener here.Edit: I think I should elaborate about this a bit more, because your comment really resonated with my current feelings:
When she told me this, I was pretty shocked to hear that, because I would never in a million years describe myself as that. But it made me think about my self-perception again. Maybe dysphoria is just warping the way I see myself? Maybe I’m just more sensitive to those things? Or maybe I am actually elegant?
The same thing happened when I had to go back to using my old voice due to developing bad habits a month ago. Granted, I’ve never had a deep voice, but it still is very different than my fem one. Yet when I changed it back, noone noticed anything. I directly asked my mom about that, but she also assured me that she didn’t notice any change.
Both of those incidences have been fucking with my head so bad lately. Like, why do I feel so miserable about myself, when others can clearly see me as the woman I am? Why can’t dysphoria let me see the same things they see?
shit sucks lol
I'm perpetually baffled that most people never have to feel like this about themselves
Like imagining being cis is so alien to me at this point when I spend most of my time feeling weird about myself
Yeah, I can only imagine how being an enby is adding to this mess.