769
I can't think of a worse marketing strategy for a company that relies on remote work to remain relevant. This would be like if General Motors forced every employee within 50 miles of an assembly plant to ride a bike to work.
We make remote work viable.
NOT FOR US THO LMAO
These are fun. For any other CEOs reading along, here's your new policy/advertisement:
- Furniture Row could convert every employee workstation to standing only.
- Starbucks could require every staff member to go caffeine free.
- Underarmor could set a black tie dress code for all employees.
- Master lock could shut down their staff gym citing uncontrolled theft from lockers.
- Grayhound could ban employees from traveling together to events.
- General Mills could establish a rewards program for employees who participate in a daily morning fast until lunchtime.
- Atlassian and Salseforce could shift their internal help desks to in-person only with 100% paper records.
- Peterbilt could start an incentive program that reimburses staff for buying local.
-
Microsoft could require Macs for all employees.
-
Xfinity could only offer dialup at their offices.
-
Dairy Queen could only hire diabetics.
-
The cafeteria at Purdue Farms headquarters could be all-vegan.
-
Barnes and Noble staff must have a library card and check out books regularly.
-
Amazon delivery drivers must have their license suspended.
-
Bed, Bath and Beyond could require their floor staff to only come in if they haven't showered.
load more comments
(1 replies)
load more comments
(5 replies)
That is hilarious
load more comments
(1 replies)
is now asking all employees within 50 miles of a company office to go in at least two days a week on a hybrid schedule.
I briefly worked for a company that took this approach. The oversight they made was they had 2 offices (different teams in each), but as long as you lived within 50 miles of one of the offices, you had to come in.
Even if your team was exclusively in office 1, and you lived outside the radius of office 1 BUT were in the radius of office 2...you had to come in to office 2...and teleconference with your team in office 1 🤦
I’d just move further away lol
Stay where you are and work for a different company. Problem solved.
I know a lawyer in the Boston suburbs who went full WFH during the pandemic. He loved his job but was upset when his boss pushed for him to come back to the office. Boss said he lived too close to the office in Boston to justify it.
Lawyer moved to Vermont with his girlfriend and still works fully remote for the same law office.
load more comments
(1 replies)
most have contingencies that if you are in the 50, then move out of the 50, that’s on you. You still gotta come in.
load more comments
(3 replies)
load more comments
(2 replies)
Wow that’s next level dumb. My job did something similar. Someone whose team was based out of Texas yet they still made the 2 people from MI go to the MI office. And on separate days “so someone was always available”
Then the same company closed 75% of their massive building and said the hybrid employees have to share cubes with other people. I’m so glad HR made me permanent remote.
50 miles during a commute is way too far. My employer has pushed for people whose commute would be 1 hour maximum during rush hour to try to come into an office once a week. Where I live it can take an hour to go 10-15 miles during rush hour…
There's a guy at my company that lives in Sacramento, and commutes twice a week to go in the office in mountain view. That's a 4 hour commute with no traffic.
His entire team is in the San diego office. There's literally zero point, but I guess his manager isn't willing or capable of fighting for an exception to the hybrid mandate.
load more comments
(2 replies)
load more comments
(2 replies)
Commuting is a total loss, and I find being in the office makes it much harder to actually get work done. Fuck all this shit.
I've been getting a lot of messages on LinkedIn from recruiters, a lot of these are asking me to be in the office 2 to 3 times a week. If I was to commute, I'd leave before my son is awake and arrive after he has gone to bed, working from home, I see him whenever I want.
Never saw my dad growing up unless it was the weekends and by then he was tired. He commuted a decent amount. Now he's in his later years and unable to physically do much. I wonder what kind of relationship we would have had. I wish I knew him at his best.
I missed all my kids young years due to work and commute, I'll be damned if I miss their middle/older years. work from home isn't just a preference it is literally giving our family irreplaceable time back. your comment made me sad, I hope you have a good relationship now
load more comments
(2 replies)
I mean... as a software developer, Sorry, I will not be returning to the office.
You need me, more than I need you. The market is HOT right now.
Companies will learn, the hard way.
Is the market hot right now? With all the layoffs, the sentiment on blind seems to be don't try to find a job now
Big tech overhired. There is still a massive number of companies that are in dire need of software devs. They won't pay 300k though
The layoffs were all from the big tech companies, the small ones are still operating as per usual.
load more comments
(2 replies)
90% of the people who were laid off in December had a new job by February. That timeframe has been consistent across the board.
There is still a huge talent gap and there are still a huge amount of high paying jobs available for folks in software. You may have more trouble getting into the largest orgs, but aim a bit smaller and you can find work pretty quickly.
load more comments
(1 replies)
load more comments
(10 replies)
Return to office to sit at computer on zoom.
I'm in this picture and I don't like it
"THE REAL ESTATE! PLEASE THINK OF HOW MUCH WE PAY FOR THE PRETTY BUILDING!"
load more comments
(3 replies)
I guess they don't trust their product.
I mean, it is crap.
It is a gift from the heavens compared to the dumpster fire that is Microsoft Teams Meetings
Zoom app never worked well on Linux and in browser experience was absolute shit.
Sometimes it just wouldn't start without any error message. 10 minutes before meeting. Fuck zoom.
Teams works even in Firefox on Linux, but desktop client is very solid as well if you're into that.
load more comments
(3 replies)
load more comments
(9 replies)
I'd love to understand the logic and benefit of come two days a week. But the real reason, not the bullshit they say
They've invested a lot of money in office real estate and hate that it's going to waste.
Also, CEOs tend to be extroverts who want to be around people. They're also sociopaths who think everyone is like them (or they don't care what others think).
Combine the two and you get this.
Also no one actually knows how long tasks take.
If you work from home and only work for 4 hours, lots of managers do not know how to tell if that work you did took 8 hours or 4. In the office they have plausible deniability that they saw you there doing something.
load more comments
(3 replies)
No idea whether it's their reason, but anecdotally I've found it has a few benefits. If coordinated properly it's significantly easier to train new(er) staff, it improves cross-organisational understanding to overhear other departments' conversations either at desks or in break rooms, and it stops people becoming isolated pockets of knowledge and culture because they only ever see or interact with the same one or two people.
load more comments
(1 replies)
Currently looking for another job and EVERY job I have seen that's hybrid has multiple offices across the country. So basically they make you come into the office to talk to the rest of your team on zoom. Somehow that is more efficient than talking to them on zoom from your house.
That's pants-on-head level stupidity.
load more comments
(1 replies)
"Oscar Meyer tells employees to eat less meat"
"Pfizer tells employees to use homeopathic remedies."
Careful, this article might cause irony poisoning
Airbnb tells employees to stay at hotels.
We can only assume the internal memo was:
"Hey guys! Oh shit! Our remote conferencing software is actually crap! We need to return to the office ASAP!"
Good for them not having any "sacred cow" technologies - not even the one they sell, apparently.
Zoom, which remains a leader in the post-pandemic remote work trend, is now asking all employees within 50 miles of a company office to go in at least two days a week on a hybrid schedule.
lol. That's like an hour each way.
load more comments
(2 replies)
Seems like a way of culling staff without having to pay severance.. make it so shit that people leave, but make allowances for the key people you need
load more comments
(1 replies)
Don't get high on your own supply
When you really don't believe in your own stuff...
In other news, a bunch of Zoom employees are easily poachable.
They have to come back to the office, but no getting out of their cubicle to talk. They have to use Zoom for that.
Different circumstances but similarly funny in an absurd way because of how it sounds, I remember reading a news item in the 90s about the time when a riot broke out in a Nerf factory in China.
view more: next ›
this post was submitted on 06 Aug 2023
769 points (97.4% liked)
Not The Onion
11109 readers
194 users here now
Welcome
We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!
The Rules
Posts must be:
- Links to news stories from...
- ...credible sources, with...
- ...their original headlines, that...
- ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”
Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.
And that’s basically it!
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS