this post was submitted on 09 Sep 2023
796 points (97.0% liked)

Not The Onion

14070 readers
1971 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] ExtraMedicated@lemmy.world 123 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (2 children)

Oh please... We stopped researching that technology in the 40s. We never perfected it enough to make super soldiers.

[–] bloopernova@programming.dev 113 points 2 years ago (2 children)
[–] Wilshire@lemmy.world 23 points 2 years ago

You beat me by 10 seconds.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] GreenMario@lemm.ee 121 points 2 years ago (4 children)

Putin thinks about gays more than Gay people do. 🤔

[–] AlwaysNowNeverNotMe@kbin.social 36 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Putin is big gay for his violinist.

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world 15 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Sounds like an exceedingly veiled masturbation reference tbh 😂

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (3 replies)
[–] niktemadur@lemmy.world 76 points 2 years ago

Translation into "plainspeak", filtering out all the deflection and projection:

We have an incompetent alcoholic military, with a toxic environment of forceful sodomy among our own troops abusing each other as well as others.

Yep... that pretty much covers it completely.

[–] thisbenzingring 66 points 2 years ago

Jokes on them, that is fuckin

FABULOUS

[–] rigatti@lemmy.world 64 points 2 years ago (2 children)

How can I get some of that brainwashing for myself? That sounds awesome.

[–] Kbin_space_program@kbin.social 23 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Except it was the Athenians who were misogynistically homosexual, and apparently also ageist as well.

As far as I understand it, we guess at this because the Spartans didn't write much but the Athenians wrote a lot, including making fun of them for things like: not being Saudi Arabia/Iran towards women and such other outrageous concepts like respecting your elders.

Also Thebes had a lot of reason to hate Sparta. Among them was that those 300 famous Spartans were accompanied by several thousands of Thebians who were put in largely sacrificial positions to better save Spartan lives.

[–] FuglyDuck@lemmy.world 23 points 2 years ago

To be fair, Sparta’s “reputation” came mostly from having a remarkable propaganda machine. They were a bunch of paper tigers.

I wouldn’t really take anything they put out about their rival as more than that.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Rozauhtuno@lemmy.blahaj.zone 58 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] Bread@sh.itjust.works 18 points 2 years ago (3 children)

I have to know, what inspired this presumably premade art? Is this normally a problem Bi Goth Girls have? I believe this has great meme potential.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] Zellith@kbin.social 52 points 2 years ago (4 children)

But the US thinks gays are too precious to risk in combat!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aotlEpmAFVQ

[–] PugJesus@kbin.social 27 points 2 years ago

"How many soldiers' lives are worth the life of one homosexual?"

"Seven."

[–] Wilshire@lemmy.world 17 points 2 years ago

"God bless America, and her gays"

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] SCB@lemmy.world 51 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Gay Ukrainian Super Soldiers

Why the fuck are people against the "woke" military if we can make gay super soldiers??

[–] cxx@lemmy.world 18 points 2 years ago

Probably afraid those super soldiers will also be super attractive and make them have impure thoughts.

[–] LaunchesKayaks@lemmy.world 51 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I don't see an issue with gay super soldiers.

[–] FaeDrifter@midwest.social 28 points 2 years ago (2 children)

The real question is has Putin given up on trying to call them Nazis, or are we supposed to believe Ukrainians are super gay Nazi soldiers now.

[–] Theharpyeagle@lemmy.world 23 points 2 years ago

And Jewish, of course. They've got all the best space lasers, totally unfair.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Mandy@sh.itjust.works 49 points 2 years ago (1 children)

does this include woman? id like a super soldier lesbian gf

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] ArugulaZ@kbin.social 47 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Is this propaganda or a comedy routine gone awry?

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Akasazh@feddit.nl 45 points 2 years ago

Aha! The standard strategy of making the opponent both very strong, to explain why they are winning and need being fought as being the weaker one at the same time because the gays are obviously inferior.

Same rethoric the nazis used against the Jews. Strong enough to own all capital and influence the entire world behind the scenes ánd obviously an inferior type of people without spine.

[–] quackers@lemmy.blahaj.zone 44 points 2 years ago (4 children)

Wtf am i reading. Making them gay isnt even a stab at anyone, its just a weird thing to add.

[–] Sterile_Technique@lemmy.world 58 points 2 years ago (1 children)

You're not the target audience. They're trying to stir up the homophobes, for whom "gay" is very much a stab.

[–] lemmylommy@lemmy.world 30 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Exactly. For them „gay“ is short for „evil, satanic pedophile“.

[–] Tolookah@discuss.tchncs.de 19 points 2 years ago (1 children)

That's a really shitty acronym on their part.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] railsdev@programming.dev 15 points 2 years ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (3 children)

If the US is making “super soldiers” by forcing them to be gay, wouldn’t that make being gay a positive? I don’t understand how even the target audience could take this seriously. You’re basically saying you have to be gay to be a strong super soldier.

load more comments (3 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] TheBat@lemmy.world 43 points 2 years ago

I bet that advisor was rock hard while describing the gay orgies

[–] Frittiert@feddit.de 43 points 2 years ago (2 children)

unified through gay sex

Doesn't sound that bad actually

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] WorldWideLem@lemmy.world 40 points 2 years ago (2 children)

The Greeks figured this a couple thousand years ago and we're just now catching up. SMH!

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] who8mydamnoreos@lemmy.world 32 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Took a lesson from Sparta, make all your soldiers gay lovers and they will fight like hell.

[–] Jackolantern@lemmy.world 35 points 2 years ago (3 children)

I think it’s called Sacred Band of Thebes, where they specifically get male lovers as soldiers since they will fight for each other more fiercely.

A nice name for an acoustic band also.

[–] Foggyfroggy@lemmy.world 15 points 2 years ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] fosforus@sopuli.xyz 28 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Gays make better soldiers, says Putin's adviser

[–] PrincessLeiasCat@sh.itjust.works 27 points 2 years ago

Which one of you told?

[–] Grant_M@lemmy.ca 26 points 2 years ago

Gay Ukrainian super-soldiers FTW!

[–] Teon@kbin.social 26 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Where can I get one of the gay Ukrainian soldiers?
Ukrainian men are HOT!!!

[–] Karyoplasma@discuss.tchncs.de 14 points 2 years ago (2 children)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 25 points 2 years ago (2 children)

I am suddenly seeing Captain America in a whole new light.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] Neato@kbin.social 25 points 2 years ago (3 children)

OK so if the US has the ability to make Super Soldiers, and the "effect" is turning people gay, then the logical conclusion would be half of the US military would be gay by now.

[–] quortez@kbin.social 19 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Welllllllllllllllllllll there is a stereotype with the armed forces 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

[–] Neato@kbin.social 18 points 2 years ago

I didn't want to call out a very specific and very wet branch of service. :p

But I did just remember the Village People have that song so I guess I'm a few decades late.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] lntl@lemmy.ml 23 points 2 years ago

rise to meet the challenge?

[–] Syrc@lemmy.world 19 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Video for others like me who could NOT believe someone seriously said that.

Gay part begins at 3:17 but the part before is pretty “””interesting””” as well.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] stevedidWHAT@lemmy.world 16 points 2 years ago

A. BAHAHAHHAA B. Pay close attention how the hateful people in this world act, speak, and think. They’re how hitler came to power. Know thy enemy better than you know yourself.

[–] slackassassin@sh.itjust.works 16 points 2 years ago

Don't threaten me with a good time.

[–] getynge@lemmy.world 14 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Brainwashing people to stay in the military through gay influence(?) is an interesting tactic as opposed to just making people obedient in general, maybe being gay is part of the secret to superpowers idk.

[–] PunnyName@lemmy.world 18 points 2 years ago

Gotta make "being gay" an enemy. Other a person, dehumanise them, easier to kill.

load more comments
view more: next ›