this post was submitted on 08 Jul 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] BallShapedMan@lemmy.world 40 points 6 days ago (3 children)

What the hell am I going wrong then? I've been bald for 3 years and I ain't got jack shit!

[–] MacNCheezus@lemmy.today 37 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Perhaps you forgot to invest the savings into building a global e-commerce empire.

[–] pelespirit@sh.itjust.works 17 points 6 days ago (4 children)

It's getting a 200K funding from your dad that's the real trick. He also worked for a large company making money at the time, he wasn't trying to survive.

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[–] Thorry84@feddit.nl 11 points 6 days ago (1 children)

3 years? I've been bald for 20 years and I'm 300K down the hole, when does this trick kick in exactly?

[–] MacNCheezus@lemmy.today 6 points 6 days ago

You spent it all on avocado toast, didn't you.

[–] IndiBrony@lemmy.world 8 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (1 children)

Mate I was balding when I was 19 and went full cue ball when I was 23. I'm 36 now. Where the fuck is my money??!

[–] nightwatch_admin@feddit.nl 9 points 6 days ago

You and me both, my friend… remember Balding Elon Musk? I think it’s not so much the lack of hair, more like the lack of ethics.

[–] BreadOven@lemmy.world 9 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Maybe he can just try out one more haircut. Maybe to just below the chin. Preferably with a large blade falling from some height. All you need is a basket infront to catch anything that falls off.

[–] MacNCheezus@lemmy.today 3 points 5 days ago (3 children)

But who will deliver my 2am drunk purchases next day for free? Communists? I didn't think so.

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[–] CaptDust@sh.itjust.works 26 points 6 days ago (3 children)

Steve Jobs would wear the exact same outfit, Every. Single. Day. That's the kind of dedication needed, most people aren't cut out for it.

[–] scytale@lemmy.zip 13 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Dude didn't even shower to save on water bills.

[–] Skullgrid@lemmy.world 8 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (1 children)

He didn't even buy any expensive cancer medicine, he just drank smoothies.

/uj I'm not even making this shit up, he tried to beat his cancer with regulating his diet to include various fruits and vegetables and ended up using his private jet to jump ques on multiple organ donations , because , get this, YOU CAN'T BEAT CANCER BY EATING MORE FUCKING FRUIT.

[–] msage@programming.dev 3 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I hate his guts, but his passing was a little bit therapeutic for me.

[–] lars 3 points 5 days ago

I wonder just how much money he would have donated to fascists by now. Rest in peace, micromanaging megalomaniac monster.

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 7 points 6 days ago

Silicon Valley turtleneck was just the Mao Suit of its era.

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[–] hperrin@lemmy.ca 7 points 5 days ago (4 children)

At $30 per haircut, you’d need about 8 billion haircuts skipped to save that much. Dude must cut his own hair every few milliseconds.

[–] SirQuack@feddit.nl 5 points 4 days ago

At $30 per haircut

~~What? That cheap? When I went to a mediocre barber, I had to pay 35 eur, but now it's more like 45 eur.~~ ^(forgot to shitpost)

What kind of economy are you in? My haircuts are 48 million euro per month (they're on a subscription, but I locked in a good deal as an early adopter), that's why I'm not rich, no other reason.

[–] MacNCheezus@lemmy.today 4 points 5 days ago

No one said it was gonna be easy.

[–] hotchops@ani.social 2 points 4 days ago

Bald leadership pays off.

[–] bebabalula@feddit.dk 2 points 5 days ago

Two words: Compound interest 🚀

[–] vane@lemmy.world 7 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Jeff Bezos cooking recipie.
Not need to shave Jeff Bezos before put him in oven.
Just stuff him like a chicken.

[–] MacNCheezus@lemmy.today 2 points 5 days ago (1 children)

What sort of herbs and spices would you recommend?

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[–] sniggleboots@europe.pub 13 points 6 days ago (3 children)

don't fall for it, everything you save on barber visits you spend on razors

[–] lime@feddit.nu 10 points 6 days ago (7 children)

i spend €8 a year on razors, how many barber visits is that?

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[–] dbtng@eviltoast.org 6 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I stopped cutting my hair when Covid closed all the barbers. Got a fukin mane now. Dunno, seems to have worked out. Still waiting for my billions tho ...

[–] Aussiemandeus@aussie.zone 3 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

No, no, see this is why you will never make it.

You gotta be bald

I shaved my head and now I have billions... Of cells in my body

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[–] Beebabe@lemmy.world 5 points 5 days ago (3 children)

Cheapest haircut in my town for my hair type is $75+tip. I just cut it myself now.

Probably not as good as being bald, but you'll probably save at least a few billion.

[–] Aussiemandeus@aussie.zone 5 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Jesus christ.

Are you a woman and is that USD?

The most I've ever paid was $65AUD for a hearcut and beard trim in a mining town where the majority earned over 200k a year

[–] Beebabe@lemmy.world 3 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Yes, a woman, and yes USD. That’s the no-frills salon price for a trim for my hair which is “long/thick (curly)”. The more expensive places range into the $200s.

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[–] MacNCheezus@lemmy.today 2 points 5 days ago

Good news, at this rate it will only take you 3178666666.66667 haircuts to be as rich as Jeff Bezos.

[–] sundray@lemmus.org 5 points 6 days ago (3 children)

There's more going on here the just the lack of hair. What secrets is he keeping under that shiny dome of his?

We must go deeper.

[–] bstix@feddit.dk 6 points 6 days ago

That's no moon.

[–] DmMacniel@feddit.org 5 points 6 days ago

Hans, get ze drill!

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[–] samus12345@sh.itjust.works 3 points 5 days ago
[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 6 points 6 days ago (2 children)

Jeff Bezos saved hundreds of billions of dollars by downsizing his wife.

[–] MacNCheezus@lemmy.today 10 points 6 days ago

Who will go down in history as one of the best traders of all time.

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[–] Kandy4me@lemmy.world 5 points 6 days ago (1 children)
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