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*This is my attempt at writing a small short story depicting only a moment or two in real time. The author I am emulating is James Thurber. He was a master of the short story/essay. He had very dry sense of wit and was funny as fuck. I do a hope he would approve of my theft of inspiration. Here is my attempt at a modern version of his style.

January in Dayton is not preferable for very many people. The reasons are varied yet common. It truly sucks. Occasionally a wandering soul seeks more like minded individuals that aren’t part of the fundamentalist evangelical type community that dominate local cultural scope . This crowd is often difficult to intentionally avoid. Something something (mumbling sounds) *Checks notes, lowers reader glasses slamming down a stack of documents that provided the incentive. The patron was relaxed but owned a dash of anxiety while holding court at the local dive bar. That was until a small pour of Pappy Van Winkle with a single cube was thrown back & then gleefully announced that “Third time is a charm. Provided the good lord willin’ & the creek don’t rise. Can I get an Amen?” Someone nearby asked the bartender to change the channel to see if the game was on. Not half a second later there was some breaking news flashing across the screen The patron looked up at the television & smiled. “No fucking way, third time really is a charm”.

Man that shit was fake anyway. I remember the day it happened my “moderate republican” buddy said. “He’s going to win the election now for sure”

That assassination attempt was just a planned part of the campaign rally.

First, you're assuming that most successful assassins are the unstable nutcases. It could just be that it's more memorable when the motivation is "make jodi foster love me" than "stop an expansionist imperialist who's destroying the lives of the common man".

You're also more likely to be a lone assassin if you don't conform to social norms because social norms say not to kill people.

The most prolific assassins are just common soldiers whose names we don't even record.

Because someone who isn't a nutcase likely doesn't wanna spend the rest of their life in prison????

At this point, you should be wholly and completely armed.

Nailed it.

The biggest stroke! The stroke to end all strokes! The likes of which have never been seen! 🫲🍊🫱

Hey I know it's just a funny Internet meme to shit on Ohio, but any time someone does (especially in the current times where we need to find allies more than ever) I feel obligated to remind them that Ohio is actually not a hell hole, it just has backward rednecks in the rural areas, just like any other state with rural areas. Cincinnati is a beautiful city, Ohio is a beautiful state, and a huge chunk of the ~12 million people that live here are in fact not shit people.

As an American, honestly I feel like anticommunism was a huge factor in the decline of our civic virtue. When you start praising and empowering wealth over mutual benefit you weed the ethical and the dutiful from the leadership pool, both politically and culturally. Many left wing movements of the late 20th and early 21st centuries in America prioritized civic duty separate from the state (left wing) or through it (liberal).

I think the other big damage to it was the American civic religion. The country went from a huge machine we each had to play a part in, built on philosophies that everyone was supposed to understand, to a golden calf. The constitution went from the foundational rules meant to steward us towards the goals stated in the preamble it became a holy text thats name is cited, but its goals are not cherished. People often don't actually think about how what they want fits in to a reasonable interpretation of say, the 4th-8th amendments.

Idk, sometimes I feel massively outnumbered here as someone who takes her civil duties seriously.