Ngl, sand repelling anus sounds like a good upgrade. Anakin would approve.
this post was submitted on 03 Feb 2026
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me_irl
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It's coarse, irritating, and it gets everywhere.
Except my anus!
I’ve never had issues with anus sand… what are you guys doing at the beach?
😏
Depositing our anus sand that you think you aren't getting on your feet.
Why, what do you do with yours?
This is the ideal beach body.
You may not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like.
Describe arm flaps? I think I have those. My anus also frequently emits high powered bursts of gas which could puff away loose sand. I think perhaps I'm pretty close to an ideal beach bod.
You should see a doctor about... ALL of that.
I def wish I had that sand repelling anus.
I hate sand...
I don't know if I picture you more as Anakin Skywalker or Shai Hulud.
Would you still love me if I was a sandworm that shat mind altering chemicals that literally let you travel the vastness of space in mere minutes?
I don't love you now but if you were that I would
that shat mind altering chemicals that literally let you travel the vastness of space in mere minutes
You say that, like it's not a bonus
Lobstrosities
Did-a-chick? Dud-a-chum?
Not to worry, no sand in bum
And webbed feet so sand doesn’t get stuck between your toes.
Big flappy webbed feet would be amazing for swimming. You wouldn’t need fins. But oversized feet aren’t really considered attractive on women :(
Exactly, my blubber adds extra insulation, buoyancy, and protection from predators.
Plus, it makes you a better food source for sharks.
Didn't forget the nictating eye membranes so you can see underwater, maybe some gills.
A sand-attracting anus could have its own bright sides. At some point, you become a Katamari.
And a cloaca, since protecting two holes is harder than one.