Programmer Humor

Oh, the heart attack telephone.

During the 12 years I had those, one once rang and I almost died of shock.

The state of office desks has been continuously getting worse my entire career.

The very first place I interviewed had small private offices with a door for everyone. They weren’t any bigger than a decent sized cubicle but were real separate rooms and most of them had exterior windows. I didn’t get that job though.

My first desk at my first engineering job was in a cubicle with real six foot tall walls, a window with a nice view, big L desk, shelves, filing cabinets, etc.

Then I got the same setup, but in a fabric cube. Honestly, not really a downgrade. I had that setup three times, and the only difference was how good the view was.

Then the same but no windows.

Then a smaller cube with a simple 6 foot desk and a single cabinet.

Then a line of 6 foot wide desks with privacy screens on three sides.

Then privacy screen on left and right only.

Then no screens.

Then four foot desks.

My current office is four foot desks that are hotdesked for most people. But we are also completely remote if you want, so I use my nice desk that I built at home 90% of the time.

Just think of all the TPS reports you could process with that sweet setup.

I'd prefer this over the open-floor plan with shared desks we get currently

Fast pace environments = we didn't do any planning or architecture so you'll be fire fighting 24/7. Oh and our management doesn't understand software development so they'll be blind to the issues

This is the story of a man named Stanley. Stanley worked for a company in a big building where he was employee number 427. Employee Number 427's job was simple: he sat at his desk in room 427, and he pushed buttons on a keyboard. Orders came to him through a monitor on his desk, telling him what buttons to push, how long to push them, and in what order. This is what Employee 427 did every day of every month and every year, and although others might have considered it soul-rending, Stanley relished every moment that the orders came in, as though he had been made exactly for this job. And Stanley was happy. And then one day, something very peculiar happened. Something that would forever change Stanley. Something he would never quite forget. He had been at his desk for nearly an hour when he realized that not one single order had arrived on the monitor for him to follow. No-one had showed up to give him instructions, call a meeting, or even say Hi. Never in all his years at the company had this happened - this complete isolation. Something was very clearly wrong. Shocked, frozen solid, Stanley found himself unable to move for the longest time. But as he came to his wits and regained his senses, he got up from his desk and stepped out of his office."

my old cubical had a big window view of a hallway block wall painted white.

A genuine cubicle like that would be a luxury

You guys are getting privacy dividers and drawers?

We have free sitting at our office, so I sit in different floors throughout the workweek and sometimes get "the bad chair" if all the good ones are taken. It sucks. I would rather be in a cubicle.

Fast paced = we have understaffed and expect you to do more than your share of the work. Exciting = as people with better prospects leave our untenable work environment you will be expected to take on their responsibilities with no extra pay.

It gets fast-paced and exciting when the boss has An Idea on a Friday afternoon that must be completed before the end of the week.

Holy shit, they get a LAMP?!

Fast Paced: Deadlines and requirements change on a whim for no discernible reason at all.

Exciting Environment: Your job is constantly on the line so you need to deliver on whatever bullshit we give you. Have to work nights to do it? Too fucking bad. You're just grist to us.

That is a management cubicle.

This is the cubicle you are applying for: (chair not included)

Sure, that's how it starts but then all of a sudden you're a Jesus allegory.

This is just corp-speak for “we will burn you the fuck out”

Maybe the building starts sailing through the city like the opener to that one Monty Python film. 🤷‍♂️

At least this one is clean and tidy. My colleagues like to "decorate" with old dusty circuit boards, cables and stacks of paper

What, you'd rather fight supervillains?