You just understand how a conversation more easily progresses and get annoyed when others don't/don't make the appropriate efforts. I don't feel like it's weird, or negative at its core, but I do think it's important to remember not everyone is so aware and conversationally competent, and they're not doing it on purpose or necessarily because they don't care that much, but simply because they're ignorant. Idk. 🤷
this post was submitted on 11 Feb 2026
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i mean conversations are usually devoid of references, which is why i think it sticks out so much. if i'm in a reference-heavy conversation i'm most likely talking to them about a niche topic where knowledge of references, and therefore the basis of those references, is assumed. maybe i'm subconsciously judging them as "not in the know"?
this is obviously stream-of-conscience, but... am i mentally gatekeeping people?
this is obviously stream-of-conscience, but… am i mentally gatekeeping people?
It looks to me like you're trying to do the opposite — looking for common grounds to keep the conversation going. And one of the ways to do so is through references.
perhaps, but it does feel like empty words in that case. that may be why people don't reciprocate.
it does feel like empty words in that case
That confirms you aren't really gatekeeping anyone. That "empty words" feeling is the one associated with phatic speech: expressions like hi/bye, small talk, stuff like this. People don't use them for their content, just to keep the communication channel open.
People not reciprocating it signals they don't receive it as phatic speech, though. (Or lack the interest to keep the channel open at that moment.) I feel like small questions are better for this, than to draw from common references; from stuff like "how was your day?", pseudo-advice (e.g. asking suggestions for lunch, even if you already know what to prepare), so goes on.
well they do reciprocate in that they respond, but the conversation is not furthered which is what bothers me. it's like asking what someone's working on and them answering "stuff".
In My experience allists often lack the social skills to engage in the normal give and take of a conversation. That's why they rely so much on small talk to keep a conversation going when neither participant has anything interesting to say.
Join an improv group. That's like their whole thing.
everything i see about improv groups is usually forced improv, where the "yes and" is taken literally (as in added to every sentence) and it's really cringe-inducing.
also it's not really a thing here.
Not all IRL conversations are like online threads that continue with jokes until the thread becomes its own thing. Also context…? Memes and references are ok but it’s more a reflection of your brain and memory and how you are interpreting the information in front of you. Not all people hear something and return the most relevant reference, they might care more about person experiences or stories that are OC and not copy pasta they have seen before, hence the “I see what you did there” responses you get.
that's a fair take. it could be learned behaviour from uni, where every sentence was a joke.
it could also stem from an unwillingness to share personal stuff, i guess.
Do you have any interest in tabletop RPGs? Because you sound like you have the instincts to be a good DM/GM.
i've dm'ed some oneshots that didn't really go well. i think i lack the structure.
I have similar trouble. Maybe check out Paranoia XP it's got a mission structure built into the session prep.