I think Jesus would carry a Hi-Point C-9, because it'd be all he could afford in this economy.
this post was submitted on 22 Feb 2026
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Hey a carpenter knows you can't beat simple reliability.
Self proclaimed fans of Jesus portraying him as a fan of one of the least faithful 1911s is quite on brand.
would have thought he'd have preferred
....a nail gun.
You beat me to it. I saw a post probably almost 20 years ago by a kid on Facebook talking about how he got banned from a Young Republicans Facebook group for giving this answer. His reasoning was: it's a carpenter's tool, not a weapon, and used to help people and improve the community. Kid actually read the Bible and got hate for it.
That's the gun of a carpenter.
Love that answer, stealing it!
In Luke, Jesus tells his followers to sell off some of their clothes to buy weapons so this is not totally out of the realm of possibility
Dual wielding .50 cal 7-shot revolvers. The only handguns that make a Desert Eagle look small.
I think I broke my wrist reading that
Jesus would either rock a Styer AUG or a FN P90 because they are objectively the coolest guns
FN P90 because they are objectively the coolest guns
I wanted to have a differing opinion, but then you said objectively, and I realized you used it right. Damn it.
I mean maybe Jesus has different criteria for firearm selection than objective coolness
I mean, the other option is a flamethrower that runs on Holy oil, so...
Look. If he’s God incarnate, then he would know what’s up. They all shoot bullets, right?
He also had some things to say about the rich so maybe he prefers a Kalashnikov
Humble but demonstrably reliable? Maybe.
But when I look at the aug? Divinity.
I was thinking a Taurus Judge....
jesus was jewish, so
I'd have said Desert Eagle. He did some time in the desert and he died doing a spread eagle (at least half)
What is this?
a jewish gun
Yes it's an Isreali gun, but I was asking what the model was. It's an IWI Tavor.
A Sig? Jesus would need to pray to himself that the gun doesn't go off and shoot his holy dick off.
Ask him how he got those holes in his hands...