this post was submitted on 23 Mar 2026
940 points (97.8% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

38907 readers
5050 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

...


3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

...


4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

...


5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

...


6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

...

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


Reach out to

All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] FUCKING_CUNO@lemmy.dbzer0.com 138 points 6 days ago (43 children)

Just remember, if you see someone stealing food...

...No you didn't

[–] ArmoredThirteen@lemmy.zip 32 points 6 days ago

Last time I saw someone grabbing some food the only reason I saw them was to mention a security guard who was about to turn down the aisle. Gotta watch out for each other

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 26 points 6 days ago (4 children)

I once remember reading a story where a police SQUAD chased a woman for over 3 hours in a police chase.

The crime? She had stolen 2 loafs of pumperknickle bread, and ran out of the store. Employees chased her, got her liscense plate, and cops pursued.

They then arrested her, and I forget the exact jailtime she got, but it was more than 10 years. If I were an employee, I'd have "chased" her. Just enough to get my bosses to think I was trying, but then oh no, I'm too fat and slow! She got away in the parking lot.

[–] bdonvr@thelemmy.club 1 points 3 days ago

If she got 10 years it's prolly cause the had prior warrants but yeah fuck who reports two loaves of bread to the cops

[–] thermal_shock@lemmy.world 18 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

https://youtu.be/KElPwmwP8co

Police fucked this lady up for a candy bar and 20oz drink iirc. I fucking hate cops. Broke her arm, slammed her on the ground then laughed at the videos later with their coworkers.

[–] ArmoredThirteen@lemmy.zip 5 points 5 days ago

The passel of pigs was led by none other than Javert

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] OwOarchist@pawb.social 22 points 6 days ago (7 children)

*stealing anything. (As long as they're stealing from a business, at least.)

You could be holding the cashier at gunpoint and emptying out the register, and I didn't see shit.

[–] bdonvr@thelemmy.club 3 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

Stealing is one thing, pointing guns at employees is not okay

[–] MentalEdge@sopuli.xyz 47 points 6 days ago (14 children)

Corporation, you mean.

The word business covers honest people making an honest living running their own thing, too.

load more comments (14 replies)
[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 21 points 6 days ago

I'm ok with stealing ftom the store. I'm not ok with them endangering the cashier.

[–] you_are_dust@lemmy.world 12 points 5 days ago (1 children)

You lose me at the point where you're pointing a gun at someone that is just trying to make a living. Stuff merchandise down your pants all you want I guess, don't point a weapon at someone making minimum wage.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] fartographer@lemmy.world 12 points 6 days ago

I mean, you should probably tell them that it's unsafe to point a gun at people.

[–] thermal_shock@lemmy.world 11 points 6 days ago

Not small mom and pop shops. Anything on the stock exchange absolutely.

[–] AoxoMoxoA@lemmy.world 4 points 5 days ago

I was getting tires put on and the parking lot was connected to several other businesses one being a large chain jewelry store like Jared or Smythe. So I'm standing out front smoking a cigarette and I see commotion at the jewelry store a few guys jump in a car , it winds through the parking lot at high speed and blows right by me standing on the curb ,out onto a main street and towards the interstate. It was a gold seabring from enterprise with a driver that looked like Troy Polamalu and two guys laying down in the back seat.

It was a fucking heist ! I thought wow that's cool , finished my cig and sat back in the waiting room . 15 minutes later the pigs show up , I act like I'm reading a magazine and I hear two dudes ( that were preachers at some Baptist church from their conversation i had overheard earlier) point at me and tell the pig " oh he was just outside maybe he saw something ". Pig came over I said "nah , don't now what your talking about" and kept reading the magazine. The tire store let the pig see their security footage and then he comes back over to me , red faced demanding I tell him what I saw. I just said man I don't know what the fuck your talking about and wasn't outside at all since I got there and those two guys were lying. I kept reading the mag and the clown walked away after trying to explain to me how serious the situation was .

Nobody got hurt , they locked a UPS guy and the workers in a vault and took a bunch of jewelry. 6 months later I saw on the news they all got caught, it was an crime ring with pigs from NYC involved in the hyjinx. Glad I never wound up in that court room.

[–] theuniqueone@lemmy.dbzer0.com 13 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Stealing anything not from a private non rich individual.

[–] thermal_shock@lemmy.world 19 points 6 days ago (2 children)

I actually am excited to teach my kid tricks to get free shit from places like Amazon and Walmart. I've mentioned my excapades a few times, and have instilled in him we don't steal from our neighbors no matter how small, people work hard for their shit. But companies that report $54 BILLION in profit and treat their employees like trash are fair game.

[–] Rcklsabndn@sh.itjust.works 2 points 4 days ago (1 children)

The Internet is all for this until they order a $500 Lego set and the box only contains 5 packages of store brand pasta.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 7 points 6 days ago

The Robinhood this world deserves.

I'm a school bus driver in a good school district and I drop off one kid who then waits at a bus stop for a city bus heading for the really poor city right next to us. I know exactly what's up and I would never say shit about it. And I also live in this district and pay the exorbitant school property tax every year, so it's not like this doesn't affect me.

load more comments (38 replies)
[–] UnGlasierteGurke@feddit.org 73 points 6 days ago (2 children)
[–] TheTechnician27@lemmy.world 20 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (1 children)

"Free Switch 2 when you bring your switch."

[–] DmMacniel@feddit.org 10 points 6 days ago

for the ultimate Switch-a-roo!

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 56 points 6 days ago
[–] JoMiran@lemmy.ml 35 points 6 days ago (4 children)

I have never witnessed someone stealing groceries...and I never will.

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] lugal@sopuli.xyz 21 points 6 days ago

Most people pay twice as much

[–] MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca 20 points 6 days ago (2 children)

Don't even need to steal it, just gotta show the staff your fidget spinner tits and they get so amazed that they give you everything for free. I've been doing it since 2019

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 17 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Wait. Am I replacing my tits with fidget spinners, or am I supposed to be affixing fidget spinners to my tits?

[–] MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca 11 points 6 days ago (2 children)

Born that way, your mother would have had to use fidget spinners as utensils the entire time she was pregnant. For every single meal.

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)

Some grocery stores only give a staff discount on certain days of the week. But the five-finger discount works every day

[–] melsaskca@lemmy.ca 5 points 5 days ago (2 children)

We are not that far from vandal hordes surviving by pillaging and looting. Just make sure you are on the bigger hordes side and you should be okay. It all starts with shoplifting out of necessity and lack of opportunity.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] eletes@sh.itjust.works 7 points 6 days ago

I once saw a lady walk right through the self checkout and out the door. The only reason she got caught was she picked up a big frozen crab legs box and that triggered the alarm.

[–] Mulligrubs@lemmy.world 4 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Where I live, there are entire homeless encampments, like little villages of tents and tarps.

Fentanyl is said to be a big part of the problem. Meth was already a huge problem by itself.

So long story short drug war= heroin and cocaine scarcity= cheap quickly available chemical alternatives like meth and fentanyl= addiction spiral increase= poor and homeless= Windows can't open a window without lagging. IT'S IN THE NAME YOU CAN'T EVEN DO IT

linux users be like

load more comments
view more: next ›