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this post was submitted on 29 May 2026
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Just a little something to make your days less shitty
Literally!
Just like the Romans did 
30 burgers 30 fries 30 tacos 30 pies
A reminder to regularly stretch your body because your shit will start hurting if you don't
I restarted doing morning yoga and holy shit my spine is stiff
I have this weird ring I found in a river.
Gimme
I dunno. I'm kinda attached to this ring now. I think I'm going to hold onto it, I'll get you something else.
GIVE IT
NOOOOOO!!!
This is how i used to give birthday messages on facebook actually. Id find a fun video and attach that with a "happy birthday"
So I really appreciate it!
Admins are Facebook boomers confirmed 
IM NOT A BOOMER 
NEITHER AM I BUT I FEEL IT COURSING THROUGH MY VEINS
Ever since that first video was posted here, I have to watch it twice when I see it again. It's so funny and nobody I've sent it to seems to appreciate it as much.
Seems like bird appreciators are the only folks that truly find it an enriching experience. It's a genuine pearls before hogs scenario it seems.
I got you a herbivorous plant
Honestly terrifying
A ban for doxxing yourself.
A firm handshake and a pat on the back
I'd give you a dad joke.
Hello, Turning 30!
I give you a bug that you can feed the carnivorous plants
But I'm hoping you'll just keep it as a pet instead
I am growing flowers for all the bugs in my area actually. I stole a bunch of seeds packs, soil and grow boxes from a bigbox store and they're ready to be put outside now. They are confusing the bees though, they keep flying in because they think there's pollen here. But there's no pollen yet and they're too big for my nephentes and my flytraps
Same thing I get everyone else
I'm giving you a deal with Iran, and I'm giving you a bonus gift of expanding a bit outside of its normal bit containment
I shall pray you do not alter it further
A birthday dance 
I think at 30 you should do something that's very "motorcycle vroom vroom" thrillit to remind yourself that age needn't stop you from doing whatever the fuck you want.
Does lying in bed with a high fever count?
You could, of course, observe the holiday at a more opportune time. Feel better, comrade!
zombo.com
A sundew that's suitable to your climate so you can take it with you everywhere you go
I've actually just put out a bunch of local sundews in an area that used to have them and lost them due to runoff from local farms that have since shut down
No it's not, it's my birthday
Our birthday comrade!
I guess we can share it if you want you're p. aight johnny arson
Bad joints, and a slowly increasing intolerance to alchohol.
It's what someone gave me when I turned 30
This plank of wood. It may eat meat, I don't know. Happy birthday!
I forgot to add that I had to call off my party because I'm sick. So you have to give me a pity present too
My favorite snippet of a much longer poem:
The moving finger writes, and having writ
Moves on
Neither your piety nor wit shall lure it back to cancel out a single line
Nor will your tears wash out a single word of it
Beautiful