this post was submitted on 26 Jun 2026
293 points (95.1% liked)

Not The Onion

21826 readers
542 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, ableist, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] phutatorius@lemmy.zip 4 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 15 hours ago) (1 children)

says he has a 0.38in member

Poor guy. I've been with women who have clits bigger than that.

The 2-decimal precision of the measurement is also an interesting touch.

I'm glad I'm not him, but if I were him, I think I'd learn from the Sisterhood and get skillful with fingers and tongue. I'd be nervous having anyone chopping on my winkie, for whatever reason, though microsurgery can be amazingly good these days.

[–] Noodle07@lemmy.world 3 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

You know, it could be worse. I for exemple have a good sized penis but I got 0 action in 10years. I wouldn't mind trading length for occurrence

[–] pigup@lemmy.world 1 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

is your username about your penis

[–] Noodle07@lemmy.world 1 points 12 hours ago

Poor unused noodle

[–] RattlerSix@lemmy.world 9 points 1 day ago

Hold up, nobody even asked me

[–] FurryMemesAccount@lemmy.blahaj.zone 43 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

He said he's struggling to approach "females"...

All of a sudden my empathy's on strike.

Wo-men. How hard is it to use the humanizing word?

Edit : my preshot was correct, in the end of the article, it's reported that he sent unsolicited intimate pics and made fatphobic insults.

[–] RagingRobot@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Then there would be nothing special about him :(

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

He'll just be the guy who USED TO have the world's smallest penis. But nobody will believe him when he whips out his perfectly average penis.

[–] TigerAce@lemmy.dbzer0.com 31 points 1 day ago (1 children)

The surgery might be expensive, but it will save a lot of money over the years with current fuel prices, as he can go drive a normal car instead of a massive truck. More Americans should do this, especially fElon and diaper Donny.

[–] JillSteinsPuckeredAnus@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

and that's just the tip of the matter

[–] nomy@lemmy.zip 4 points 1 day ago

that's the problem, it's not just the tip, it's the whole thing!

[–] PNW_Doug@lemmy.world 124 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Joking aside, what a rotten bit of genetic luck with which to get saddled. Best of luck, guy.

[–] scarabic@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago (2 children)

I’ve heard stories from ladies that made my eyes water. Guys they liked and decided to get physical with only to discover they were working with something roughly the size of their own clitoris. It really is an immediate dealbreaker much of the time, and you can’t blame them for wanting a functional sex life. Poor dudes really got worked by chance. I can’t even figure out how evolution has left this a possibility.

[–] impairedimperator@lemmy.zip 1 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

I'm pretty sure the physical structure starts developing in utero before the gender is finalized...and then it becomes either a clitoris or a penis. Crossed wires, mebbe?

[–] scarabic@lemmy.world 1 points 8 hours ago

You’re right - it’s similar to how men have nipples for no reason except that they are formed before sexual dimorphism begins to differentiate a male fetus from females. In defiance of the typical MAGAt’s view that sex is fundamental, essential and entirely binary, it’s more of a vestment that each of our core selves is garbed in. The morphology of tissues being signaled by hormones, you can easily imagine that it gets tuned differently for different people.

[–] hperrin@lemmy.ca 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Evolution works by minimizing this kind of abnormality, but it never disappears. There’s just too much variance in how our DNA works. That’s a good thing, though, because the environment is not static. Without any variance, we would have died out a long long time ago. We need to adapt to survive in new environmental conditions.

[–] scarabic@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago (3 children)

It’s a good point that traits may not be useful now but could be useful later. Perhaps I just lack Imagination but I can’t visualize the change of season that’s going to make micropenis a survival advantage.

[–] FlexibleToast@lemmy.world 1 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

Sometimes it's not the thing that gives an advantage, but the thing it's connected to. Perhaps the same same gene that gives them a micropenis also makes them really fit in some other area. It's unlikely, but possible that the genetic mutation makes them immune to some devastating disease in the future. Genetics are complex.

[–] scarabic@lemmy.world 1 points 8 hours ago

He’s certainly less likely to die from a wild dog biting his prick off.

[–] hperrin@lemmy.ca 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Evolution still doesn’t work that way. If it prevents you from reproducing (like this probably would), it will be selected against, meaning it will be extremely rare (like this is), but it will never just go away unless it isn’t compatible with life (eg, missing an X chromosome).

[–] scarabic@lemmy.world 1 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

I have trouble processing the word “never” in your statements here because evolution has consigned so much to extinction that I don’t understand why traits can “never” disappear. Can you explain why a phenotype that would prevent you from reproducing can “never” lead to a genotype disappearing entirely? Blocking reproduction seems incompatible with life to me.

[–] hperrin@lemmy.ca 1 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

Because there are so many humans that someone’s almost definitely gonna have it. If there were like a million people, then we probably wouldn’t see many of these traits, but there are 8 billion people around. That means on average, traits that are one in a million are in 8,000 people. Traits that are one in a billion are still likely to be in a handful of people.

If it’s incompatible with life, no one will have that trait, because no one will be born with it. If it merely prevents you from reproducing, it just won’t be heritable, but the mutations/anomalies will still happen, so people will have them.

[–] scarabic@lemmy.world 1 points 8 hours ago* (last edited 8 hours ago) (1 children)

I see the general point, it’s just the perforce absolutism of it that I don’t get.

For example, if what you say is true and as long as a large population survives, all its genes necessarily do to, then shouldn’t there be people somewhere in some numbers that exhibit every trait in every one of our evolutionary ancestors? Even in your own examples you only go up to one in a billion, but odds do actually go lower than that.

[–] hperrin@lemmy.ca 1 points 4 hours ago* (last edited 4 hours ago)

Sure, but your original question was about evolution getting rid of the genes necessary for a micropenis. That condition is very possible in our gene pool. Yes, there probably aren’t people who grow fins, even though that’s technically possible with enough specific mutations, so sure, evolution will eventually effectively get rid of traits in a species even if they’re not life threatening (though enough mutation for a human to grow fins would probably be deadly), but then your talking about evolution on the scale of millions of years.

[–] echodot@feddit.uk 0 points 21 hours ago

It could be useful in a cold climate

[–] Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world 33 points 2 days ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (16 children)
load more comments (16 replies)
[–] HugeNerd@lemmy.ca 3 points 1 day ago
[–] some_guy 29 points 2 days ago

Michael Phillips said online on Thursday that he needed the procedure to improve his ability to urinate, which is difficult for him given that he is reportedly 0.38in (0.97cm) long when fully erect. Otherwise, he said he must continue to wear diapers for adults with incontinence every day.

This is a compelling reason. Let's help the guy out. Donated.

[–] hperrin@lemmy.ca 65 points 2 days ago (6 children)

I kinda feel for the guy. That’s a really unfortunate situation. He says it’s the size of a pinky finger nail. It’s gotta be hard for him to go to the bathroom, which he says is why he wants it enlarged.

[–] brave_lemmywinks@lemmy.world 48 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Damn this is almost a transitioning operation. Give him a big hog now.

[–] MrEff@lemmy.world 101 points 2 days ago (6 children)

This is actually a great example of how the majority of 'gender affirming care' is actually for a person who is already assigned at birth the gender they are affirming.

This male, who was assigned male at birth, is seeking gender affirming care to become... more male.

load more comments (6 replies)
load more comments (5 replies)
[–] dohpaz42@lemmy.world 41 points 2 days ago

I commend him for publicly talking about it. I also commend him on his ability to admit his poor behavior. I genuinely hope he gets what he wants from this experience.

[–] Chaunticleer@lemmy.dbzer0.com 29 points 2 days ago
[–] BlackLaZoR@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago

I thought guy on the pic was Hasan

[–] Aeao@lemmy.world 16 points 2 days ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments
view more: next ›