this post was submitted on 23 Jul 2026
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Slop.

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[–] BelieveRevolt@hexbear.net 29 points 1 week ago

pronounjak Can't believe this company went woke, this smell isn't manly at all! Where's my bacon and gasoline scented ass wipes?

[–] comrade_pibb@hexbear.net 25 points 1 week ago (1 children)

fellas is it gay to wipe your ass

[–] InevitableSwing@hexbear.net 24 points 1 week ago

USUALLY YES BUT IF IT SMELLS LIKE ICE POP AFTER ITS ALPHA

[–] Evilphd666@hexbear.net 19 points 1 week ago

In the tradional crapitallism style they even commodified it's own enshittification in the form of treat sented crap wipes. It was marketed with a melting red, white, and blue shit emoji on a stick.

[–] FnordPrefect@hexbear.net 18 points 1 week ago

"Dude" in the most judgmental friend-visitor-3 inflection possible

[–] huf@hexbear.net 17 points 1 week ago (1 children)

ah yes, scented toilet paper, because my ass is my primary scent organ.

[–] MarxusMaximus@hexbear.net 10 points 1 week ago (2 children)

In Southern Europe, scented toilet paper is the norm. If you go to Italy, basically all the toilet paper is either chamomile or peach scented.

[–] huf@hexbear.net 15 points 1 week ago

it's the norm here too, and it baffles me. it's 120% pointless. but at least it's not scented tissues, those are worse than pointless, because the artificial scent irritates my nose, which is a great feature for a hankie.

[–] Le_Wokisme@hexbear.net 7 points 1 week ago

maybe italy eats a lot of ass

[–] Dort_Owl@hexbear.net 16 points 1 week ago

Right next to the bleach as god intended

[–] KuroXppi@hexbear.net 16 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Our fatbergs will block out the sun

[–] FourteenEyes@hexbear.net 17 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Then we will shit in the shade

[–] KuroXppi@hexbear.net 18 points 1 week ago

A society grows strong when wise man plants shits whose shade he will never sit under

[–] SteamedHamberder@hexbear.net 16 points 1 week ago (1 children)

font reminds me of "DUNE." Missed Marketing opportunity for Spice-scented Blue DUNE WIPES

[–] InevitableSwing@hexbear.net 10 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Spice-scented Blue DUNE WIPES

Feel the Worm

[–] miz@hexbear.net 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

if the heart attack had taken him he might still have a legacy, instead of being remembered as a coward zionist who wouldn't call it a genocide

[–] InevitableSwing@hexbear.net 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Bernie is an empty vessel - bad pun intended. About an hour ago I was thinking of the Ship of Theseus. I never thought of using that to describe a person but I am right now. Bernie made so many reductions to his sense of ethics and morality that he went far beyond losing all his righteousness to becoming an awful person. The original Bernie disappeared.

I know next to nothing about what kind of person he was 30 or 40 years ago. If Israel's Gaza genocide had started in 1993 or 1983 - I wonder what he would have done.

[–] miz@hexbear.net 4 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

well the genocide has been going for a century but I know what you mean, this recent ultraviolent phase since Al-Aqsa flood

[–] Le_Wokisme@hexbear.net 15 points 1 week ago (1 children)

do ass eaters want a second flavor?

[–] ragebutt@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Do you think someone actually bought one or did they just leave a space blank to “prime the pump”

[–] infuziSporg@hexbear.net 3 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

I work at a grocery store and check on the state of these "specials" every now and then, I'm pretty sure people do actually buy them. Although sometimes they have to be marked down first.

[–] christian@hexbear.net 9 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Wait dude wipes are for wiping your ass? I always assumed they were face wipes. The marketing was funny to me before, but trying to imagine a guy who thinks wiping his ass is too effeminate is cracking me up right now.

[–] Robert_Kennedy_Jr@hexbear.net 10 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I have heard a lot of stories of women claiming their boyfriends etc simply don't wipe their ass or give it a couple passes and call it a day. My dad used to have skidmarks on his underwear into his 30s.

[–] christian@hexbear.net 10 points 1 week ago (1 children)

My dad used to have skidmarks on his underwear into his 30s.

This is great lore on Robert Kennedy Sr.

[–] Robert_Kennedy_Jr@hexbear.net 9 points 1 week ago

My family comes from a long line of pants shitters, and we were glad for it.

[–] Le_Wokisme@hexbear.net 6 points 1 week ago

one, then the other.

[–] miz@hexbear.net 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)

instead of paying $11.99 for this every two weeks or whatever just save up for a bidet

[–] Robert_Kennedy_Jr@hexbear.net 8 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

My bidet paid for itself almost immediately, do you have any idea how much tp you use on an all meat and kimchi diet??

[–] agentant@hexbear.net 1 points 5 days ago

Yeah but that bidet is gay. Alphas spend money on the popsicle wipes /j

[–] Robert_Kennedy_Jr@hexbear.net 7 points 1 week ago

Dogs thought they liked smelling my butt before, they go absolutely ape shit now.

[–] PraiseCorn@hexbear.net 7 points 1 week ago

You can wipe your ass, with TREATS!!??!? isaac-pog

[–] mrfugu@hexbear.net 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

thank god it’s made of plant fibers I was worried I’d have no choice but to clog my toilet with plastic sheets or raw hide

[–] InevitableSwing@hexbear.net 5 points 1 week ago (2 children)

raw hide

Keep poopin', poopin', poopin'
Though my anus swollen
Keep them dogies rollin' - rawhide
Through rain and wind and weather
Hell bent for leather
Wishin' my bud was by my side
All the things I'm missin'
Good vittles, love, and kissin'
Are waiting at the end of my ride

Song

[–] mrfugu@hexbear.net 6 points 1 week ago

My ass hairs, they dingle dangle dingle

dingle dangle

As I go skidding merrily along

dingle dangle

[–] HexReplyBot@hexbear.net 1 points 1 week ago

I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:

[–] beanocene@hexbear.net 3 points 1 week ago

I saw pumpkin spice flavor dude wipes in the store. Truly I don't understand the marketing on that one... It's tacticool sanitary products for men who are insecure about getting something "girly", but then scented with something feminine coded?? Who is that for

Is it like when frat bros wear pink tank tops, but they have to be pink tank tops for men? Any masculinity understanders here?