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this post was submitted on 08 Jun 2024
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Is there any way for a man to compliment a woman in public without it coming across as weird, or an attempt to hit on her?
Or should I just not do that in general?
I've always been told the best thing to do is stick to complimenting things that are their choices.
Not great: That outfit makes you look good!
It's you coming off as being interested in their physical appearance, not the outfit.
Better: That's an awesome T-shirt! Where did you find that?
It's you thinking they picked out something cool or stylish and you like their taste in outfits. You're putting the attention on something they did, not anything about them appearance-wise.
Especially if they don't know you, odds are they have no desire to hear a stranger's opinion on their looks. That's too personal. But a stranger agreeing with their decision on something like buying something cool generally isn't.
Of course, some people are more or less open to any conversation with someone they don't know, so if you still get ignored or get looked at like a creep, you don't know their background and you respect that and don't persist.
A good rule to go by is if you're a guy, think of a guy coming up to you and saying the same thing or you saying what you're going to say to another guy. If you wouldn't tell another bro that he looks good wearing that, maybe don't do that to a girl. If you see a guy wearing a band shirt of a group you like though, you'd probably be ok saying "whoa, I love that band too!" or you'd be cool with some random dude telling you the same.
You shouldn't be afraid to talk to people, but you should always be respectful and keep in mind how well you know them and keep conversation at that level of appropriateness.
In addition to this, I've heard people say to do 'drive by compliments'. If you're not trying to start up a conversation or don't want the person to worry about a conversation, you can drop the compliment right as you're about to leave the situation. It has its downsides as well
This has been my strategy. I like to compliment people because I can remember the few times it's happened to me, but I'm not trying to creep anyone out. Mostly stuff like "awesome shirt!" or "hey, sweet hat". Never "nice cock, bro". And never with the intention of starting a conversation. Mostly like passing by someone and pointing "excuse me, love the boots.", then keep on truckin' by.
Heh i have a couple stories.
At costco picking up hotdogs for the crew, get back to car and notice older (60+) lady with Doc Martins on (i figure shes an old hippie but doesnt really matter) so i tell her i love your big stompy boots! And because of her style i add, "you may not but i think you would love Jon Fluevog shoes" she thanks me and says she has a couple pairs and loves them but doesnt wear them every day so they last longer.
Pleasant 45 second interaction.
At a music festival in victoria bc watching a metal band called Malahat, see a younger woman wearing the same colour converse shoes im wearing standing next to me, bamd pauses and i tell her she has terrible taste is shoes as im looking down and pointing to my own shoes. She was confused for a moment then laughed loudly enough security looked my way.
Have used the shoe bit a couple times stuck in close quarters (elevators hallways transit etc) a few times not always successfully but usually it goes over well when they notice im wearing the same shoes.
Sometimes i have to explain it was just an intentionally bad joke(i do love a bad pun and a good dad joke) but rarely usually is well received. But thats literally all i intend and it usually happens in passing.
(Middleaged white guy beardo)
I wish someone would drive-by compliment me with "nice cock bro"
Sorry to look twice, but wow, nice cock, bro.
Leaving a bar to catch a train and I did this when closing my tab. Ended up in a conversation and missing my train.
Yes I like this! When people (even random strangers) compliment an external thing and it reflects something like a mutual interest that can be pretty cool. Especially if it’s a fellow metalhead.
I approve this message.
Not really, to be honest. Unless it’s an event or venue where there is that expectation. Most of us just want to go about our business in general. I would say the first reason is just wanting to be left alone to do what we planned to do at any given time. Secondly, people don’t always take no for an answer. At best, it’s just another bother. At worst, it can be potentially scary. Hope this helps.
The other person who you replied to makes good points - it's always going to be context dependent and it drives me mad when I'm out and about and have so many signals projecting "leave me alone" (such as wearing headphones, being on the phone, studying etc.) and a guy hits on me.
However, if someone is generally approachable, I've found that the best compliments are on something the person has consciously chosen about their appearance. So stuff like graphic t-shirts (especially band t shirts), hair styles (I love people with dyed hair because this presents to me an easy option for compliments).
I love compliments! So long as it's not an attempt to start a conversation, if you think I'm pretty say so! But please don't expect me to say anything besides "thank you" and keep walking.
The only time I would rather a guy didn't is if I am forced to stay in the area. If we are in a elevator or waiting room, don't make it awkward because I'm absolutely not gonna reciprocate or set up a date with someone I don't know.
That's basically been my experience as a "guy" too. I've given tons of compliments to random passing women and never once had it received poorly. The problem a lot of guys have is that their idea of a compliment is telling a woman she's got nice tits as a pretense to engage in conversation. Usually with the end goal of getting a date.
Your last sentence seems a bit judgemental and insulting since they specifically noted they were asking about giving a compliment when NOT trying to meet women (hit on them). But perhaps im mistaken why you included that(which will be just confusion on my end then)
Your points put into words things ive done but never really realized it or would have been able to explain.
I say this because i have complimented tattoos on more than a few occasions and i have rarely noticed an uncomfortable reaction (i judge this by the fact that they talk about the tatoo ive mentioned for longer than i spoke words).
I am fascinated by what people choose to permanently put on their body. There are often very meaningful reasons for it, but not as rarely as i would have thought it is a very quick spur of the monent decision. Most of the time this happens at a check out/til in a store.
I will typically just make a comment about the work itself, not about the placement(unless its on a spot ive been told is very painful as many people have such different experiences, "ive been told that is a tender spot for a tattoo" or some such. But its an honest question because i have been told that)
Common things that prompt me to comment are striking/vibrant colours, im curious how old the tattoo is as some colours are prone to fading badly Or very clean and clear lines, especially when they are delicate or just very thin.
I have a specific reason or curiosity which prompts me or i dont say something which i think is why i seem to be able to successfully give compliments/comments to strangers in public. But ill also compliment guys in public as well for the same reasons/circumstances and im definately not attempting to hit on or pick up guys(ide be flattered if a guy thought i was hitting on him though)
Friday i told the teller at the bank when asked if there was anything else she could do i told her to tell her coworker(who was on the phone behind her) that she was a jerk because her shirt(blouse?) made me want lemonade (white shirt with a repeating lemon print, wasnt sure what it was and took me a bit of looking at it to figure out what it was, but had the time while the teller was processing my deposit)
Of course both of the bank people know my first name as ive been there before and i used the person's name.
I maybe would have said something like that without having met them before, but it would really depend on the scenario and environment. Likely i would have said nothing if there wasnt enough time to explain if it wasnt received well, which isnt always the case in public.
Not without another reason to be talking to her. If she's charging with you on the bus for a minute, go for it. But if she's walking past you on the street, keep it to yourself
A stranger? No.