485
submitted 5 months ago by ylai@lemmy.ml to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world
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[-] doctortofu@reddthat.com 68 points 5 months ago

Funny how god never tells them to do something they don't actually want to do in the first place or that doesn't benefit them, innit?

[-] GladiusB@lemmy.world 25 points 5 months ago
[-] irreticent@lemmy.world 6 points 5 months ago

Rita Rudner funny.

[-] Tenthrow@lemmy.world 61 points 5 months ago

And that is pretty much how everything goes in the church. Everything you do is because The Lord told you to. So glad I freed myself from that circus.

[-] ChickenLadyLovesLife@lemmy.world 45 points 5 months ago

If you're doing business with a religious son of a bitch, get ... it ... in ... writing. His word isn't worth shit, not with The Good Lord telling him how to fuck you on the deal.

-William S. Burroughs, Advice for Young People

[-] jubilationtcornpone@sh.itjust.works 17 points 5 months ago

A long time personal mantra of mine is "never trust anyone with a 'Jesus fish' or a cross on their business card." People who feel the need to advertise how religious they are are often the least trustworthy, in my experience.

Also, churches are often horrible clients. Years ago, I did consulting work and dealt with lots of churches. Most of them were really shitty and don't like to pay their bills. We had exactly two churches, out of probably dozens, that were good clients.

I'm a Christian and this is been my experience so I totally get why some people feel like the church, as a whole, is shit. A lot of times it's a well deserved reputation unfortunately.

[-] Zron@lemmy.world 14 points 5 months ago

It’s the same argument of why some Christians are terrified of atheists.

To them, the only thing that stops someone from raping, murdering, and stealing their way through life is the book they had shoved down their throat in Sunday school. They can’t envision a world where people just have morals all on their own, it has to come from an external source like religion. So someone without that external moral compass must be deranged and dangerous in their eyes.

Of course, to a normal person, this view itself is utterly deranged, and speaks more about the religious person’s complete lack of inherent morals. If the only thing stopping you from raping, murdering, and pillaging your way through life is some old book and some stories about a cool dude, then you’re not really a good or trustworthy person. Especially since that same book says you can do all those terrible things, and as long as you go “sorry teehee” right before you kick the bucket, you get to go to the McDonald playplace in the sky anyway.

[-] otp@sh.itjust.works 4 points 5 months ago

And we've got people saying that churches shouldn't be taxed because they're like charities...

[-] PM_Your_Nudes_Please@lemmy.world 11 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

It’s not wrong. I used to freelance full time. I quickly learned to never trust any company that claimed to be religious. Most companies I worked with were fine. But if I saw a jesus fish on the owner’s car, or a cross on their business card, I knew they were going to try to fleece me. Everything from exceeding contract scope, to just outright refusing to pay after services have been rendered. If you have convinced yourself that God is on your side no matter what, it becomes very easy to justify your shitty actions to yourself.

[-] 800XL@lemmy.world 44 points 5 months ago

Hahahahahahahahaahahahahahaahahaahahahhhhhhhahahahaha

Out of the $1.3 [million], half a million dollars went to the IRS [Internal Revenue Services],

Yeah, so like, don't be so upset because it wasn't really 1.3 million I stole. The g o v e r n m e n t stole a half million of your hard earned money you invested.

Holy men (and women) should stick to the tried-and-true grift of their profession.

[-] agent_flounder@lemmy.world 32 points 5 months ago

Even better:

The pastor and his wife marketed their “practically worthless” cryptocurrency, INDXcoin, to Christian communities in Denver, telling them that “God told him people would become wealthy” if they invested, the Colorado Division of Securities said.

[-] AnAngryAlpaca@feddit.de 6 points 5 months ago

Don't tease us, did the pastor become wealthy or not?

[-] eestileib@sh.itjust.works 22 points 5 months ago

In keeping with the finest traditions of religion.

[-] AllonzeeLV@lemmy.world 15 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Lets be honest, is his story any less believable than the contents of the Bible?

[-] thantik@lemmy.world 15 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Most of these people I think somehow manage to fail some mental check on internal dialog. Of course our internal dialogs are like "do iiiit!", but most of us recognize that as wrong and ignore it. I think these guys just go "Oh, lord I've been waiting to hear from you again! Oh, I should just do anything I want!? COOL!"

[-] Jilanico@lemmy.world 19 points 5 months ago

Or they are psychopathic liars taking their congregation for a ride.

[-] thantik@lemmy.world 8 points 5 months ago

I think there are some genuine delusionals in the mix for sure. But yeah, I'd guess that it's mostly psychopathic liars.

[-] Saltblue@lemmy.world 3 points 5 months ago

The rubes are delusional, the leaders know exactly what they are doing.

[-] Duamerthrax@lemmy.world 1 points 5 months ago

I don't know. Becoming the Mask is a real thing people do to cope with the grift.

[-] BrianTheeBiscuiteer@lemmy.world 2 points 5 months ago

They all chose "The Dark Urge" playthrough and are failing miserably.

[-] PM_Your_Nudes_Please@lemmy.world 2 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

When you go to reload your quicksave, and realize with horror that you haven’t saved in like three hours.

[-] AgentGrimstone@lemmy.world 13 points 5 months ago

He failed the Lord's test miserably

[-] spawnsalot@kbin.social 12 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

"Get yourself something nice. "

  • The big man upstairs
[-] 7u5k3n@lemmy.world 10 points 5 months ago

treat yo self!

*Jesus

[-] Holyginz@lemmy.world 9 points 5 months ago

The lord tells me he should be penniless rotting in prison.

[-] theodewere@kbin.social 7 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Christ called that Lord Mammon, you heathen.. you're gonna burn in Hell for lying with his name in your mouth..

[-] nieceandtows@programming.dev 7 points 5 months ago

So does that mean he's an atheist now?

[-] n3m37h@sh.itjust.works 4 points 5 months ago

Nope just a total POS

[-] carl_dungeon@lemmy.world 4 points 5 months ago

You cant prove he didn’t and we don’t doubt the word of God in our new christofacist wonderland.

[-] ef9357 4 points 5 months ago

The lord does indeed move in mysterious ways.

[-] Daft_ish@lemmy.world 4 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Lord bling bling

[-] inclementimmigrant@lemmy.world 3 points 5 months ago

Given what I know about Republican God and Supply Side Jesus, I'd say that he's just doing his lord's work as intended.

[-] Zorg@lemmings.world 2 points 5 months ago

Agreed. How what he did is illegal, but the prosperity gospel megachurch pastors, flying around in private jets and living in McEstates the size of castles; is perfectly fine and dandy. Is beyond me.

[-] anarchy79@lemmy.world 3 points 5 months ago

Apparently it is easier getting in the heavenly kingdom on a private jet than on a camel's back.

this post was submitted on 25 Jan 2024
485 points (98.8% liked)

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