this post was submitted on 10 Jun 2024
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okmatewanker

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Obviously satire, dozy wankers

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[โ€“] Guntrigger@sopuli.xyz 152 points 1 year ago (2 children)

MORTIFIED. So thoroughly distressed he got his picture taken to be in the Mail.

Absolutely DISPERAGED to find the therapy seems to be doing an alright job. Very unhappy with the service, he is telling everyone he "definitely doesn't recommend how amazingly effective it is, especially since there's not a kickback for referrals. He HATES it, everyone!

He does not, in any way, still have a micro dork that gives him constant issues. No way, guys. No way.

He just bought a Cybertruck, in fact. It's amazing. It's so great. His penis is fine, everyone. It's not inverted at all when he thinks people are judging his ability to perform. It's absolutely throbbing, everyone! It's all great. Go buy a Cybertruck!

[โ€“] lars 85 points 1 year ago (9 children)

There is nothing wrong with, and everything right about, small penises. The more we mock menโ€™s behavior and bodies, the more we ourselves create awful 4ร—4 behavior.

All penises are good. Sometimes the people attached are awful.


Alternatively, imagine saying this about another body part on another gender.

[โ€“] Halosheep@lemm.ee 26 points 1 year ago (1 children)

This is some small titty energy.

... It doesn't hit the same.

[โ€“] kralk@lemm.ee 33 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Girls with small titties don't overcompensate by buying land rovers

[โ€“] yetAnotherUser@feddit.de 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Does anyone with any particular body characteristic overcompensate by purchasing a land rover or it it just meant to mock them by associating them with something they, and the person making the association, perceive as negative?

[โ€“] smeg@feddit.uk 6 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I think the idea is that if you feel the need to have a powerful status symbol like a Range Rover or a Porsche then the only explanation is that you just desire the status symbol of "Big Man". The old joke is then that they feel the need to be a big man because they feel ashamed about something else like having a small willy.

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[โ€“] Thcdenton@lemmy.world 73 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Dude really showed his face in the article

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[โ€“] DigitalNirvana@lemm.ee 55 points 1 year ago (3 children)
[โ€“] teft@lemmy.world 48 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Just call 0121-824-0432 and theyโ€™ll fix your twig and berries.

[โ€“] Emperor@feddit.uk 15 points 1 year ago

Anyone tried the number? I'm asking for a friend.

[โ€“] Bougie_Birdie@lemmy.blahaj.zone 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

That's the old number, the new one is 0118 999 881 999 119 7253

So easy to remember

[โ€“] echodot@feddit.uk 5 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I used to work in a print shop, we made things like business cards and stuff, and we used to use that as our lorem ipsum of phone numbers.

Although because we're not savages like you are we used to write it correctly 0118 999 881 999 119 725 ... 3

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[โ€“] disguy_ovahea@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)
[โ€“] morrowind@lemmy.ml 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Need an American version of this

[โ€“] Skydancer@pawb.social 8 points 1 year ago

Agreed - an American version of the NHS would be a massive improvement over what we have now.

[โ€“] brbposting@sh.itjust.works 42 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Iโ€™m always uncomfortable cuz ppl on the internet made me think this is body shaming

Not b/c we care about the driver but other guys who are rockinโ€™ le petite weiners

[โ€“] TexasDrunk@lemmy.world 52 points 1 year ago (8 children)

This is the way I look at it. I don't care if someone is homosexual because honestly no one's sexuality is my business. However, I mercilessly mock the conservatives who keep getting caught fucking same sex partners because of the hypocrisy.

There's nothing shameful about a small dick. Use what you've got, we've all got talents. There is something shameful about feeling so insecure about some aspect of yourself that you'll get a big ass vehicle that you'll never get full use out of because you refuse to address your insecurities. The small dick comments are just where we "meet them where they live".

Hell, I've got a truck because I haul shit a couple of times a week. It's not my main mode of transportation but I do drive it. If I got one of these because someone saw my truck unloaded I'd laugh my ass off. But there are definitely people who feel the need to prove some shit and would clutch all their pearls over a piece of paper from a stranger.

[โ€“] echodot@feddit.uk 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

A truck's okay because it's actually utility vehicle. Just as long as it's not one of those big stupid American style ones.

But a lot of modern 4x4s can't actually operate off road very well. If Jeremy Clarkson mocks them for having one (and he's said as much) then you know it's bad.

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But you've invented that they brought their car because of a small penis it's unlikely to actually be true.

Would you joke that a random black guy driving a Lamborghini is insecure about the color of his skin and post a little flier using race to mock him? Of course not.

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[โ€“] radicalautonomy@lemmy.world 34 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I am non-binary and have a bit of ED because of hormone replacement therapy, so I decided to be proactive last month and I bought a 2016 Jeep Renegade Trailhawk with about 35k miles.

[โ€“] echodot@feddit.uk 27 points 1 year ago (1 children)

For maximum effect make sure it's pristine clean without a molecule of dirt. You should be the only person to ever be transported in it, never take any passengers, and you must park across at least two parking spaces, four if you can manage it.

[โ€“] radicalautonomy@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

Solid advice. Will do.

Srsly tho, bought it because I'm leaving DFW and moving up north and thought the 4WD might be better for the winter. I do plan on taking it out on some trails at some point to see what it can do, and I'll be installing a trailer hitch as well to help some comrades move piles of bricks. They're...uh...building a house.

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Honestly the best part of bottom surgery was being able to switch from an suv to a subcompact. I save so much money on gas now

[โ€“] Clent@lemmy.world 29 points 1 year ago

Also, a complimentary colonoscopy for the butt hurt.

[โ€“] Confused_Emus@lemmy.world 20 points 1 year ago (4 children)

I need to print up a bunch of cards saying, โ€œIf you fuck like you park youโ€™ll never get it in,โ€ for all the absurd parking jobs I see.

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[โ€“] NigelFrobisher@aussie.zone 19 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Never let them see you cry.

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[โ€“] Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 18 points 1 year ago (10 children)

Damn we need some of those out here

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[โ€“] Reddfugee42@lemmy.world 15 points 1 year ago

Niccceee....

[โ€“] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 11 points 1 year ago

Wait, this isn't the onion?

[โ€“] Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Shit. That's so brilliant. I think I'll have to do this.

[โ€“] Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Let us know if it works. I think any gain of 2cm or more is probably worthwhile.

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[โ€“] captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works 8 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I have never seen a Land Rover being driven by a man. They're chick buses here.

[โ€“] echodot@feddit.uk 7 points 1 year ago (4 children)

That's Range Rovers, at least Land Rovers actually are off-road vehicles, even if they don't use them like that, but Range Rovers get bogged down in a grassy field.

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[โ€“] thefrankring@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago

Now, I just need to purchase a 4x4.

[โ€“] Soundhole@lemm.ee 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Yo man my 2011 Subaru Forester is a 4x4 wtf I already know I'm insecure

[โ€“] ThirdWorldOrder@lemm.ee 20 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Why would a lesbian need a penis enlargement

[โ€“] SupraMario@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

For anyone not getting the joke, Subaru has the LGBTQ+ market basically cornered. The forester also got the nickname lesbo sled...and they're fucking awesome cars as well.

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[โ€“] joneskind@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago
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