As a reminder, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.
Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.
despair
I guess I'm needing a big loan from the girl zone right now.Went to a party with my gf last weekend. By 11 I was exhausted. Didn't drink. Smoked some weed but that's my usual. Girlfriend and our other friend wanted to stay out, so we didn't leave until after 2 and didn't get home until five.
I must have pulled my shoulder by staying up. I have chronic inflammation as it is but this last week it's been bad enough to wake me up at 2am. And now I'm worried that it might be an autoimmune disorder which would be aggravated by me going on estrogen and t blockers .
This weekend my girlfriend went camping and partying. I feel left out of her life. We tried scheduling date nights but I feel like I'm the only one actually interested in it and the time we tried it she felt like it was encroaching on her time to do chores and shit.
Feeling like giving up. And like I'm not really a priority in my gfs life, as much as she insists I am.
I can't work because of the pain condition and how it interacts with my mental health. And trying to get on disability has been a nightmare process that I'd have to start over because my last denial didn't show up in the mail, meaning I missed the time I could have appealed it.
So, I'm dependent on my girlfriend and I don't really feel like she understands my needs for intimacy. Intimacy to her is watching a show before bed and smoking weed, which by that time I'm already half asleep.
When my egg broke I woke her up because I was feeling so overwhelmed. And she basically was like oh that's nice and went back to bed.
School starts back up in less than a month. Not sure how I'm going to manage classes, trying to have a life otherwise, and my mental and physical health.
I see the gender clinic next Friday. Being out has brought me joy. But my fears of being attacked for being queer haven't gone away. And likely won't.
I would like to blame you all for my recent lack of sleep. Having a reason to get up in the morning is not okay. I have consistently been getting up earlier and not being able to fall back to sleep because I need to see what's happening here. Just letting you all know that cannot stand 
