if i eat a wig will my hair grow longer

sleepyy but I have therapy after work

i hate my boss i hate my boss i hate my boss

would you rather sneeze once a minute for 3 hours or cough every 10 seconds for 10 minutes? yes this is about being trans.

The stardew valley rant from yesterday led to me listening to an audiobook of simulation and simulacra

I have a personal connection to God. I can send any message you want to the big cheese just let me know

"My husband died so I instantly fell for the first beautiful woman I saw": a romance

ah FUCK, yeah. the lack of T is really eating away at my muscles and I can feel myself becoming weaker and more tired now

<--- accurate depiction of every muscle cell in my body right now. fuck, i'm tired

She's that pie I've had before and know a lot about y'know what I'm sayin', she's that one pie I would ever want in my life

The Matrix chat is already going so strong that Element is unable to display all new messages after a few hours lol

i'm like if the witch-king of angmar was a girl

Celeste is in a bundle on Humble rn for $6 (the four item pack) and that alone is worth it if you like tight 2d platformers and discovering speedrun mechanics. The main character is trans-fem. And some money goes to charity.

Webbed looks pretty fun and highly rated as well and you play as a spider. 2d platformer with grapple mechanic.

https://www.humblebundle.com/games/pixels-with-porpoise

Feelin disconnected and rudderless today. Did the productive things (i.e. phonecalls) and now I'm like uh, I dunno. Weird and flat.

I'm kind of a dense bundle of emotions this week and I don't really know how to manage it all besides just doing what I need to do to move forward. I rarely talk about personal stuff anywhere online and I'm probably terrible at it, but I'll try. Some things:

The good:

• I have a BIG life change coming up that I'm extremely excited and happy about. I wanna be careful about saying anything too revealing right now but I'll probably talk about it a little more after it happens. It's not transitioning, but will make that much easier.
• I think I finally got PC-98 games working in a browser, which is something I've been trying to get right all week. I still have yet to test if fonts show up correctly, but if they don't, I have a plan B that I'm pretty sure will fix that issue. With the set up I have now, I can also more easily port other emulator stuff to my page, including DOS games, old console games, arcade stuff, etc. so all the work I'm doing now will pay off for everything else I want to do with the site.
• I saw a post earlier this week about LGB people's views on trans people that made me feel happy because it sort of addressed a weird insecurity I have:
  (cw: brainworms, personal weirdness)

  One thing that has always kind of bothered me, even before realizing I'm trans, is feeling unwelcome and excluded in women's spaces. I don't mean anything to do with sex and dating, mind you, but just being able to hang out with women socially and be welcomed as part of the group. I mean, I 100% get it because lots of cis men really are predatory creeps and it's understandable for women to be a little leery about male-presenting people, but it still always kind of bothered me, especially because I felt awkward in most masculine spaces as well for reasons that are now obvious to me. Anyways, there were 2 different polls posted both showing cis bi and lesbian women being overwhelmingly pro-trans compared to cis bi and gay men, which runs totally counter to my irrational worry about cis women being afraid of me or something. Maybe it's weird, but made me feel warm and fuzzy and even more excited to transition and officially join the girls club. Related, the absolute best part of coming out as trans so far has been being involved in trans spaces like this one, talking with other trans girls and being part of the group. Maybe it's sappy or something but I feel a sense of acceptance I'm not sure I've ever really felt and it's pretty amazing.

The bad:

• Regarding that "big life change" I'm being vague about, some friends and family are taking that change very poorly and one old friend is being unhinged and weird about it to the point where I had to block him for awhile. If they're taking this poorly, I can't even imagine how poorly they would take me coming out as trans. Maybe I'll just never come out to them and disappear to live my life. That seems like the best option at this point.
• This weird transphobic Olympics bullshit has me depressed. It's not even about actual trans people, yet transphobes are still using it as an excuse to spew hate and push violence. I'm not surprised, but just sad because it feels like it came out of nowhere today. I'd love to throw all these fuckers in a mineshaft and pour cement on top.
• Work is stressful and I'm tired all the time, but that's nothing new.

I really hate tech and computers and doing IT, I thought I was able to escape it by nursing. Nope. Can't believe I cried over this pc stuff not working lol.

Anyway, I feel better now. I had some non dairy ice cream, a bath, facial mask and now I'm doing a foot mask

My upper back hurts, this is bullshit!!!