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[-] Sunshine@lemmy.ca 112 points 1 month ago

Ask them to explain the “joke” then once they finish say I didn’t find the joke funny.

[-] Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net 44 points 1 month ago

I do this, but then I pick it apart to make it really painful.

[-] ericbomb@lemmy.world 34 points 1 month ago

"Oh, jokes just normally have a punchline and aren't just stating something really backwards"

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They can't ever explain the joke, though.

[-] Passerby6497@lemmy.world 35 points 1 month ago

That's half the fun. Watching them squirm and try to figure out how to explain the joke without saying the -ism out loud when they realize they're not in "safe" company.

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[-] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 88 points 1 month ago

friend says fucked up shit, asks if you agree

"What? No. Shit no! I believe you get your ass kicked for saying shit like that."

[-] Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net 30 points 1 month ago

Nah. Don't wait for them to ask. Tell them they are being an asshat. It's good for them

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[-] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 20 points 1 month ago

Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays

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[-] Agent641@lemmy.world 65 points 1 month ago
  1. Slight lean back

  2. Expression of baffled disgust

  3. Quietly: "The fuck?"

Cuts deep

[-] grrgyle@slrpnk.net 23 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

If you're especially non-confrontational, then even the first one, or 0 reaction, can do. Just don't do the polite chuckle. They'll think it landed.

I have to work really hard not to laugh myself, and instead let it be awkward.

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[-] Kit@lemmy.blahaj.zone 57 points 1 month ago

"Bro, not cool." With a stern look always sets the homies straight.

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[-] wise_pancake@lemmy.ca 56 points 1 month ago

Honestly I haven’t had to say something in almost a decade

[-] Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net 56 points 1 month ago

You're hanging out with the right people

[-] givesomefucks@lemmy.world 49 points 1 month ago

It's all about where you live and what you look like.

I'm a huge white dude in a red state, I've been getting hit on by nazis since before I was a teenager because I look like their "ideal".

Like, when they picture their "master race" it's what I look like, so they always fucking assume I'll agree with any side comment they make.

If you're not in a super blue area, you're not hearing stuff because something identifies you as "them" and not "us". But even in blue areas I'll hear shit.

[-] idiomaddict@lemmy.world 29 points 1 month ago

I’m a white American immigrant in Germany. The shit people say to me about immigrants, which they then walk back with “but not you, you’re one of the good ones,” is infuriating.

[-] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 42 points 1 month ago

My personal go-to is, “They’re a human being, just like you.”

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[-] callyral@pawb.social 38 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

You don't need to be cisgender, heterosexual, male or white to call people out on their bigoted beliefs.

Edit: if you are in those categories you're more likely to be taken more seriously by other cishet white men. I think I understand the point of the original post now.

[-] Dasus@lemmy.world 25 points 1 month ago

No, but bigoted, cisgendered, heterosexual white men are probably more likely to listen to other cisgendered heterosexual white men due to their bigotry.

Someone disagreeing within Chad Junior's very narrow social circle will mean more to him than someone outside of the circle, especially if that person is also unlike Chad Junior in several ways. Unfortunate as it is.

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[-] jaggedrobotpubes@lemmy.world 14 points 1 month ago

Definitely. It's just an amplifier. Imagine a protestor saying "too many cops are violent and need to cool it", as opposed to a cop saying "too many cops are violent and need to cool it"

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[-] electric_nan@lemmy.ml 30 points 1 month ago

These comments, yeesh. I am a cis white dude, and I don't see how this post is offensive. As I've gotten older and more self-confident, I absolutely call people out for their garbage opinions/statements. Being a cis/straight/white dude it happens all the time that somebody says something racist/sexist/homophobic in front of me assuming I'll be sympathetic. I've used all these "scripts" and encourage you all to use them also.

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[-] Anticorp@lemmy.world 29 points 1 month ago

So Mexican dudes can't say these things, eh? Only white dudes, and only if they're straight?

[-] Agent641@lemmy.world 18 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

You need to add 'ese' to the end of it.

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[-] Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net 13 points 1 month ago

My 'hey, you're being a fuck stick' detector doesn't discriminate, despite what my stolen meme says

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[-] aviationeast@lemmy.world 29 points 1 month ago

What the fuck is wrong with you?

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[-] jaggedrobotpubes@lemmy.world 27 points 1 month ago

"I won't let you talk to them that way" is a bad one that doesn't belong on this list. It implies you're in control of them, which you're not. It's essentially a bluff, and if they call it, you need to be able to beat them up.

To add more good phrases to this list, the phrases need to imply that the person still has their own agency (because they do), and that it's just a dipshit way to use that agency. The other phrases are great.

[-] A7thStone@lemmy.world 25 points 1 month ago

I told a coworker they were "full of shit" then repeated that when they said "what?"

[-] kindenough@kbin.earth 24 points 1 month ago

Pfff. Everytime my father in law goes on a racist diatribe I tell him, "Mustafa is what now?". He is my Egyptian brother in law and the kindest and hospitable person I know.

I also very dislike my father in law, used to be a somewhat good guy, then he got old and racist.

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[-] partial_accumen@lemmy.world 21 points 1 month ago

My go-to is "Why do you think that is an okay thing to say?"

[-] Sgt_choke_n_stroke@lemmy.world 19 points 1 month ago

That why calling out people for being weird worked

[-] PugJesus@lemmy.world 19 points 1 month ago

"What the fuck" with a disgusted look is my go to.

[-] felsiq@lemmy.zip 18 points 1 month ago

ITT: a lot of people reading this to be specifically and only for cis white men, but they’re talking about the power any in-group member has to shut down bigoted shit and that’s what we should be focusing on. In a space where the biggest in-group is black women this post would be about them, but the most common “in-group” (disproportionately so) is white cis men so that’s who they mention. If this is making you feel attacked or targeted then please set aside that part of it and don’t discard the actual message, because this is honestly something everyone should think about.

Anytime you’re accepted somewhere, whether in public or among strangers, you have a lot of social power when it comes to setting the tone of conversation - one loud idiot can make a space feel extremely hostile to an outsider, and if everybody gives a polite laugh instead of speaking up that idiot learns saying things like that is okay and the “outsider” learns they’re not truly welcome. Literally one person who speaks up instead of letting it fly can solve this - the message is to be that person, not to attack anyone in particular.

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[-] explodicle@sh.itjust.works 17 points 1 month ago

I'm going to use all of these except the "I won't let you" because that could trigger the right wing persecution complex, and/or sound like fighting words.

I want them to think normal people (not me tbh) are put off by their weird shit.

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[-] theneverfox@pawb.social 16 points 1 month ago

Nah, there's nothing louder than silence.

Wipe all expression from your face, and stare at them. Maybe just an expression of incredulity if this is out of character for them. That's all it takes.

Bystanders will literally stop what they're doing and watch. Their brains will scream "I'm about to be excluded from the group", and they'll start babbling. They'll confess their sins and be harsher on themselves than anything you could say

If you don't like their next words, give them nothing. Literally don't respond, anything you give them is closure. Don't give them closure, move on with your life - they can't.

Don't give them judgement, give them nothing. If you judge them, they can turn themselves into a victim or you into an enemy... Without a response, the only enemy is themselves, because they will crave your approval.

It's like a teacher staring down a student who keeps talking until the whole class is looking at them, except they don't know what to do to make it stop. So they try anything and wrack their brain for a solution. It seriously freaks people out

Note: this is less likely to work against neurodivergent people, they'll just be confused. That's how I learned to do this - I got annoyed and straight up asked a therapist why they kept staring at me when I was done talking. They explained the concept of a pregnant pause, and so I started using it.

And acquaintances started telling me how they were abused to explain their behavior and strangers started confessing how they cheated on their partners out of nowhere.

I get a lot of long apology emails the day after someone wrongs me, I now make an effort to give closure to everyone I like early and often.

Humans are tortured by this

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[-] AI_toothbrush@lemmy.zip 16 points 1 month ago

The "do you hear yourself right now?" is a good one, gonna use it well

[-] frog_brawler@lemmy.world 15 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Weird… as a cis heterosexual white male, I don’t find myself hanging around people that I need to censor or correct at all. I’ve proactively cut all of those people out of my life within the past 8 years. My friends are the folks you don’t need to tell stuff like this to.

I will say, in the process of removing people that were awful, they tend to just laugh when they are “corrected,” as they find amusement in the antagonization. Once you separate yourself from them, it’s just 2-3 confused text messages and that’s the end of it.

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[-] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 14 points 1 month ago

Even a simple "bruh" can help.

[-] LovableSidekick@lemmy.world 14 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

There's one thing I really don't understand. And this question has no agenda except that I would like to. Also if I use the word "he" inappropriately, please for the sake of the question let that slide...

Say a woman transitions to a man. He's a man now, right? So why is it necessary that he be called trans and someone who was born a man be called cis? I mean if the goal is equality, and it should be, why should we know or care which is the case? And the same question goes for cis/trans women.

[-] shneancy@lemmy.world 36 points 1 month ago

most of the times the difference between me and a cis man is not important, so i simply say i'm a man. Sometimes the difference is important, and then i clarify i'm a trans man

90% of the time and most people i meet will have no idea i'm transgender, the other 10 are doctors, people i want to have sex with, and those i've talked with about trans experiences

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[-] duckythescientist@sh.itjust.works 15 points 1 month ago

Using the cis/trans labels are good when the experiences are different in some important way or it's worth pointing out for some reason. Often it's just better to refer to both cis and trans men as just "men" and cis and trans women as just "women". It depends on the context. These online forums tend to be rather political or tied to identity in a way that a lot of more real life conversations won't be. The cis and trans labels can probably be left off more often in real life than you see them used here.

It's just useful terminology. It comes up when it comes up.

I don't spend much time calling my girl friends trans-her, if that's what you're asking.

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[-] Wild_Mastic@lemmy.world 13 points 1 month ago

Just yesterday at work I heard some coworker telling some nightmarish stuff (for the other person of his story) and laughing as if it was fun. Problem is, all other dudes were laughing with him.

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[-] Amanduh@lemm.ee 13 points 1 month ago

I play a lot of rocket league and the kids love homophobic slurs, I just call them pathetic.

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this post was submitted on 10 Nov 2024
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Microblog Memes

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