this post was submitted on 24 Mar 2025
518 points (97.1% liked)
Lemmy Shitpost
31976 readers
3740 users here now
Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.
Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!
Rules:
1. Be Respectful
Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.
Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.
...
2. No Illegal Content
Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.
That means:
-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals
-No CSA content or Revenge Porn
-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)
...
3. No Spam
Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.
-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.
-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.
-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers
-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.
...
4. No Porn/Explicit
Content
-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.
-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.
...
5. No Enciting Harassment,
Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts
-Do not Brigade other Communities
-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.
-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.
-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.
...
6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.
-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.
-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.
...
If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.
Also check out:
Partnered Communities:
1.Memes
10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)
Reach out to
All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
That's a kingly gift right there, gotta be expensive af
I hope they ended up getting married.
I heard they had a cheesy wedding
thank god you circled it, I wasnβt sure what was being pointed at
You may fascinate online audiences by showing them the same pic of cheese quote 9 billion times per week.
What kind of cheese? That changes the outcome for me significantly.
A piece of brie get you a one night stand, a slice of gouda gets you a date. Grated parmesan gets you a hand job. A steady supply of varied cheeses spread out over multiple months will get you a wife.
Of course every woman is different, but in general the age and quality of the cheese determines what you'll receive in exchange.
And in case you're wondering, a kraft single gets you a slap in the face.
Source: experimental investigation.
This really deserves at least 3/4 the amount of upvotes as the one it's responding to
load more comments
(1 replies)
Are these in order? So stealing her shoe and a hairpin with hair in it, and then when she confronts you offer the cheese as a diversion?
You have found the new movie plot that Hallmark has been looking for.
I was thinking it would be one of those mangas with really really long names:
βI Cast 99 Spells to Make Her Love Me, But the Only Thing That Worked Was Cheese!β
Duley noted. This may work better than my method of crying and begging for affection. So far, zero percent success rate
Maybe you need to cry even harder?
So you're saying there's a chance anyone fascinated with a piece of cheese might be a woman?
Lets test that: π§
Are you a woman now?
Who needs estrogen when you have c h e e s e
Por que no los dos
... Maybe.
You've got it all wrong. Any woman with fascination might be a cheese.
load more comments
(1 replies)
You may fascinate just about anyone by giving them a piece of cheese.
White people love cheese
Do non-white people not love it?
On average non-whites are like 60-90% lactose intolerant
My pasty-ass ancestors are the dipshits who figured out sucking cow titty can work, most of the rest of humanity didn't try it and never developed the genes needed for it as a result
load more comments
(2 replies)
load more comments
(1 replies)
Grandad, you can't tame the white supremacist power structure with cheese
This spell has mixed results with my fiance; she LOVES cheese but is horribly allergic to it. Not life-threatening, but painfully bad.
According to the book, there's no need for them to eat it, you just have to give it to them, although I think they may have mixed up 'fascinate' and 'confuse'.
Is she allergic to it because of the lactose? We can already make vegan cheese that's the exact same as real cheese (literally, I don't mean it just tastes the same) except that it doesn't contain lactose. There's a company in Europe that's ready to mass produce it but the EU is taking their time with giving them the permit to sell it. I don't know how the situation is where you live.
load more comments
(1 replies)
I love the ambiguity of what you're supposed to throw in the river
I love what appears to be a citation.
Cheese is good
Fun fact: I almost lost a GF once, due to a lack of cheese (in my refrigerator).
Fascinate in the sense that sheβll spend the next five minutes confused as to why you gave her cheese.
Might be the wrong kind then.
My cheese wasnβt Gouda βnough?
That joke was sharp. ._. hehehe
Cheese nuts
As a woman I agree
Would you like a babybel?
As a man I wanted to clarify that I am also easily fascinated by cheese
i had this book when I was an edgy teenager in my middle class bedroom rubbing olive oil on taper candles from the grocery store and.. wait this is sounding like something different entirely
where are those candles winding up?
yeah i know it dawned on me quite quickly where it sounded like that was heading..
these "white magic" paperback books from Borders would have you anoint candles with oil to like, I dont fuckin know, endow them with your intention (Id wish the girl in algebra would notice me, so the book'd tell you to think about her while putting oil on a pink candle so when you burn it your "spell" would go into the air or some crap)
that particular book there though was page after page like that where it said shit like "for protection from your enemies wrap some wire around leaf and put it under your doormat"
I love that the one about hurling hair accessories at moving bodies of water has a footnote and that there's already been 12 other such clarifications in this treatise π
view more: next βΊ