There is a home, somewhere
Beyond my bones
And I'm just too terrified
To dive inside

Soul like a cemetery
Hard to ignore, we're sick to the core
A world's been buried
Where love is the law, a youtopia
(Scream)

Golden raspberry
For the performance in your head
(Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo)
Stop pushing daisies
No one wants flowers when they're dead

Soul like a cemetery
Hard to ignore, we're sick to the core
A world's been buried
Where love is the law, a youtopia

(There is a home)
There is a home, ah
(Beyond our bones)
Beyond our bones
Let's connect to the divine
It's okay to cry, yeah

Soul like a cemetery
Hard to ignore, we're sick to the core
A world's been buried
Where love is the law

A youtopia (there's a place I wanna take you)
A youtopia (there's a place I wanna take you)
A youtopia (there's a place I wanna take you)
Where love is the law, a youtopia

What was it like?
It's like I walked into a dream
And stepped out of the coma

I need a lot of money if I'm ever to be happy. FFS is expensive, SRS is expensive, and I don't think I want to live if I can't get those at some point in my life

I just got to really hope I can find somewhere that'll put up with me and scrape enough money together for surgery. But even then It'll be years, maybe decades, till I'm okay with existing in this body

so ive been hesitant to go back to physio because i don't know what i'd say. now that i understand better what is likely going on, i can start doing some of the exercises like these:

and like these:

I find them helpful, as well as having an adjustable desk.

I've done so much reading about ergonomics, and the debates in the ergonomics circles are really interesting. They argue about whether your hands should float as your typing or if you should rest on a wrist rest, whether split ergo keyboards really make things better, etc. etc.

Its really interesting to read all of these things, because back when I worked in an office, I had no issues whatsoever. No wristrest, big mechanical clacky keyboard, but I had a little hand crank to adjust my desk to a comfortable height. I gave no thought to ergonomics, and I was also playing violin an hour or two a day and playing Factorio in bed with a trackpad (whoops lol).

Then when I started working from home the issues slowly started to build up. Yeah, I'm aging too, and that could absolutely be a factor. But I think maybe the deep lesson here is outside of a few hard and fast rules (like, dont put pressure on your "funny bones" because that can cause ulnar nerve issues, and dont rest your wrist flat on a hard surface for extended periods of time because that can cause carpel tunnel issues, and try to have your forearms parallel to the ground and get a decent chair and dont use a laptop screen and the laptop keyboard at the same time because that puts your neck into a bad position and oh my god do you see what i mean?!!!!!!!!! theres too much) really I think it went best when I wasn't trying to have perfect posture 24/7 but instead was just trying to be comfortable.

The other thing I think I've learned so far is that the best thing I can do to make my setup more comfortable is to make it easy to adjust. Adjustable chair is good, but even at its highest setting it was too low for my old desk (which was a "standard" 28.5 inches high, btw), so I got an adjustable desk. If mousing hurts, I can switch to a trackball. My monitor arms dont require me to use a silly allen key and hold up the force of two monitors to move them (ugh the cheap monitor arms suck). I even got a dumb plastic carpet mat (which smells bad btw) to put my chair on to make it easier to move around on my thick-ass carpet.

Unfortunately, my schedule is hell so the date won't be for another month.

Now just need to schedule the other two. I am suffering from success.