I never gave it a single thought. But now I have been cursed with this knowledge and will fly into a fury every time I hear it now.
But thanks anyway.
this post was submitted on 02 Apr 2025
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Given the fact that any language used in such a movie is going to be wildly unlike the language spoken in the time and place of the movie, I think that's a mild anachronism
Old English / Norman French etc would be practically incomprehensible to anybody.
There was an interesting TV show called Barbarians a few years ago where all the Romans spoke Latin but with Italian accents but they had the Germanic barbarians speaking modern German. Not sure if that would please anybody.
Correct term was probably "loose!"
Nobody was holding a ~90lb war bow at full draw waiting to hear "Loose". Not possible.
Speaking of English longbow, the draw force could be a lot higher too, going upwardsof 130lb, and they were expected to shoot up to 70 arrows a battle at a rate of 6 per minute (at best).
I don't think they'd struggle to hold an arrow for the initial volley, although I don't expect they'd be drawn for as long as shown in movies to increase tension.
The slang term was "Fart in their general direction!"
Well, this is going to bug me for the rest of my life.
Thanks.
If you were commanding a mass of archers "Spaff!" was the correct command.
I don't like this.
The best part was when they said "ITS SPAFFFIN' TIME" and spaffed all over those guys.
"So I started spaffing"
"Ready your bows!"
"Nock!"
"Mark!"
"Draw!"
"Loose!"
Guy named Mark: "What?" *gets shot*
Whoever decided to call it "Draw" instead of "Tighten" should be loosed out of a cannon. Into the sun.
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Props to the movies that shout the "Loose!" command
As I understand it, that's still not very historically accurate. It was not really a thing for archers to nock and loose together like they do in the movies.
Never really made sense to me, loose all the arrows at once and then give a break between volleys? Gives everyone a chance to hide behind their shield, and then advance when it's clear. Unless volleys are perfectly timed between multiple rows of archers.
Random arrows flying constantly never gives the enemy a chance to feel safe since it's a constant barrage, and there's no wasted time for the archers needing to wait for the command to fire.
Archers were strategic weapons, not the main crux of killilng. They were used to do things like keeping an enemy division pinned down so that your cavalry can move around them or one of your own divisions can reach a more advantageous position. A well placed concentrated barrage could force an enemy to move in a direction that is more advantageous to you, etc...
They weren't the primary means of killing people. They were the means of steering the battle where the general wanted it to go.
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Something I dislike in movies is when a movie is set in a non-English-speaking country, but all the characters are speaking English. I would rather have the characters speak the proper language for the country, with English subtitles. But I guess the movie execs have calculated that subtitles will make the movie less profitable.
Even worse in my opinion is when they use a generic British accent as a stand-in for literally any time and place in history. Ancient Rome? British accent. Ancient Greece? Also British accent. Ancient Persia? British accent again! Ancient Egypt? You guessed it! British accent! Even when the actors aren't even British, the accent is. It makes no sense. It's lazy and arrogant.
If I had a billion dollars, I'd make the most painstakingly realistic movie about Samurai in feudal Japan, and have all Japanese actors using a SoCal Chicano accent. Or maybe a hyper realistic Viking epic with a full Nordic cast, but they all talk like surfer bros.
The audience needs to be forced to see how insulting that shit is.
a hyper realistic Viking epic with a full Nordic cast, but they all talk like surfer bros
Jarl! My dude! We totally viking'd the shit out of that Irish monastery! It was fucking rad!
"Duuuuude… King Ælla’s a total boner. We gotta roll up on Northumbria and fully hack these posers to bits, brah. Then maybe, y’know, hit the mead hall and get wasted with some totally rad shield maidens."
I swear to Odin, I would make this movie and only release a few short trailers with no dialog in them. Just brilliant cinematic shots of action, scenery, all the super authentic costumes and customs, and get some historians to endorse it (I know a few who would love the joke and the chaos). Then BAM, hit the audience with the most ridiculous shit ever.
Yeah! You gotta lull them into suspension of disbelief.
I'd invest some money into this. Someone has to be brave enough to write the script.
I would partner with a historian friend of mine to write it. I'm good with dialog, and he could keep it authentic. Write a rough draft like a normal script, then go back and fine tune all the dialog to surfer bro without changing anything else.
All the Nordic women would speak in Valley Girl.
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Or that they're holding the bow drawn for a long period of time, waiting for the order to "fire".
Long bows averaged a 200lb draw weight. Try holding that for 5 minutes.
Archers of the day:
Literally - you can pick out English longbowman bodies from the shape of their skeletons
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They also aren't speaking Gaelic.
i usually complain to the wife when horrible tactics are used in medieval battles.
like... why is everyone always doing a full frontal assault, have the wrong weapons, not use fire appropriately, never flank, use cavalry inappropriately.....
miltary tactics in movies is usually abhorrent.
I loved the battle of Winterfell, where everyone took up defensive positions OUTSIDE THE CASTLE WALLS.
That battle caused a mass-extinction event among the Total War community.
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Frontal cavalry charge without any follow up
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Siege engines positioned outside the fortifications against a mobile enemy
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Projectile forces unsupported outside the fortifications
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Melee infantry inside the castle, watching and picking their noses
My wife told me to shut up multiple times during that episode as I was screeching like a monkey. The wrong side won that battle that night.
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