710
submitted 11 months ago by sjmarf@sh.itjust.works to c/memes@lemmy.ml
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[-] Appoxo@lemmy.dbzer0.com 83 points 11 months ago
[-] alvvayson@lemmy.world 28 points 11 months ago

A complimentary poop knife and ruler should be provided.

[-] lolcatnip@reddthat.com 10 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

*poop knife and poop ruler

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[-] Absolute_Axoltl@feddit.uk 64 points 11 months ago

Need one of those tools for measuring spaghetti portions attached

[-] nonailsleft@lemm.ee 4 points 11 months ago

That thing only works for standard length tho

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[-] Trollivier@sh.itjust.works 31 points 11 months ago

Gotta plan accordingly, or carry a poop knife.

[-] NigelFrobisher@aussie.zone 30 points 11 months ago

The real inconvenience is having to convert the olde world measurements to modern ones anyone would understand.

[-] lolcatnip@reddthat.com 5 points 11 months ago

Fortunately toilets tend to stay attached to a specific region, so it's possible to know which unit system the best majority of people using it will be most familiar with.

[-] Franzia@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 11 months ago

While americans don't measure in centimeters, we do understand grams. Weigh the damn poops.

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[-] dulce_3t_decorum_3st@lemmy.world 20 points 11 months ago

The arbitrary capitalisation of “Poops” and “Time” bothers me immensely.

[-] superduperenigma@lemmy.world 9 points 11 months ago
[-] RQG@lemmy.world 5 points 11 months ago

The first letter if Bigger. That computes.

[-] sirico@feddit.uk 19 points 11 months ago
[-] ultratiem@lemmy.ca 17 points 11 months ago

Sir. Sir. Sir! Your poop is too big. Please take it with you. Sorry for the inconvenience.

[-] HeyMrDeadMan@lemmy.world 14 points 11 months ago

That's funny... until I actually think about a 2.5in diameter turd... then I'm horrified.

[-] SlopppyEngineer@discuss.tchncs.de 3 points 11 months ago
[-] urinnerchild87@lemmy.world 6 points 11 months ago

I think 2.5 inches would be closer to a soda can if we're using references.

[-] Madison420@lemmy.world 7 points 11 months ago

2.5" in diameter is just under a baseball (2.8").

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[-] nonailsleft@lemm.ee 5 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

They should just refer to the caliber

[-] dodslaser@feddit.nu 3 points 11 months ago

I fire 120 mm high-explosive rounds

[-] hydrospanner@lemmy.world 3 points 11 months ago

Relevant username.

That thing is nowhere near 2.5" dia.

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[-] Ecology8622@lemmy.ml 12 points 11 months ago

Just hang a poop knife. Problem solved.

[-] funkajunk@lemm.ee 12 points 11 months ago

Whoever is making those poops, I feel so sorry for your tattered asshole.

That's bigger than a Coke can.

[-] Rootiest@lemm.ee 6 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Sure, sure. But they've probably been doing it for a while now.

I feel bad for the person who's come to expect them and isn't going to get their XXL turds today.

They are going to be very disappointed when they read that sign

[-] Gork@lemm.ee 11 points 11 months ago

Time to squeeze them sphincter muscles to extrude a 4 inch long, 2.25 in diameter turd.

[-] somethingsnappy@lemmy.world 4 points 11 months ago

That is way less volume. Acceptable.

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[-] TimeSquirrel@kbin.social 4 points 11 months ago

Ah, the Play-doh fun factory technique.

[-] PerogiBoi@lemmy.ca 11 points 11 months ago

When ya forget the tape measure outside of the bathroom 😔

[-] deadcat@aussie.zone 10 points 11 months ago

Here in Australia no one has "poop knives". American plumbing is a sad joke. Most Aussies don't even own a plunger.

[-] shortypants@lemmy.world 9 points 11 months ago

I poop in metric so this doesn't apply to me.

I live in Japan and you can flush a pair of work boots down these toilets.

[-] altima_neo@lemmy.zip 3 points 11 months ago
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[-] Blackmist@feddit.uk 8 points 11 months ago

That's the size of a standard UK beer can.

What fucking animals are using that poor toilet?

[-] frokie@lemmy.world 7 points 11 months ago

What should be the lemmy equivalent of the poop knife? A shit blade? A defecation spatula? A dung spoon?

[-] PickTheStick@ttrpg.network 2 points 11 months ago

A bean batter.

[-] empireOfLove@lemmy.one 7 points 11 months ago

Damn. Where's lemmy shitpost when you need it

[-] Kyrgizion@lemmy.world 6 points 11 months ago

How many courics is that?

[-] flipthetube@lemmy.world 5 points 11 months ago
[-] son_named_bort@lemmy.world 5 points 11 months ago

Ah crap, my poop is 2 and 5/8 inches in diameter and 6 and 1/8 inches long.

[-] comador@lemmy.world 3 points 11 months ago

Okay, so I gotta pinch it off twice then?

[-] timdave@lemmy.world 2 points 11 months ago

Gotta get one of those Play-Doh shape-sphincters to shove up your butt before you get down to business to "defeat the huns"

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this post was submitted on 21 Sep 2023
710 points (98.4% liked)

Memes

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