this post was submitted on 02 Dec 2025
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[–] khepri@lemmy.world 46 points 3 weeks ago (7 children)

Yes, people can sometimes tell how you are feeling by observing you. I get that it's an uncomfortable idea, but it isn't always just "a guess that makes them feel good". It is possible to have an actual skill or talent for reading other people's current mental state or emotions, just not if you're a Lemmy user.

[–] snooggums@piefed.world 16 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

People that are good at reading emotions are wrong about the reason/cause a significant portion of the time. Like noticing someone is uncomfortable doesn't make the reason for being uncomfortable obvious.

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 13 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

People misread social cues, emotional states, intent, incorrectly ascribe causality of these things, etc., all the time, every single day, constantly, for a wide array of reasons.

https://mindorigins.com/mind-reading-or-mammalian-instinct-why-we-misinterpret-social-cues/

People with low self awareness or high overconfidence just don't realize that they are.

You actually have to have a significant amount of humility in order to have "high eq".

People who make an entire personality or significant personality trait out of their infallible ability to read people?

Who will outright tell people: "I know you better than you know you"?

Vast majority of the time, in the vast majority of contexts, such a person is a delusional manipulative narcissist, a cult leader / grifter scam artist type personality.

[–] SkyeStarfall@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

I definitively can back that up from personal experience. I tend to be quite good at detecting what emotional state people are in, but not why

Due to certain mental faults I tend to assume or believe that ita because of some error on my part, but that's often not the case, and I've been wrong about it many many times. Assuming I did something wrong when in reality it was something else

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Hey uh, that second paragraph?

I am not a psychologist, but:

unrequested unprofessional psych evaluation

Thats probably a sign of something like being raised by abusive narcissists.

Your natural instinct is 'it has to be my fault'?

Yeah.

Because narcissists tell other people its always their fault, its their flaw or poor decision.

Its a form, or aspect or manifestation of hypervigilance.

Because you are so used to some new problem happening that is somehow, your fault or responsibility to fix, or address.

[–] SkyeStarfall@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I definitively suffer from hypervigilance, yeah, you're correct lmao

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Well the good news is:

  1. That literally is not your fault.

  2. You can learn to gradually undo some of those tendencies, to some extent.

My lemmy instance has a series of random... header quotes, like flavortext in a game loading screen or something.

One of them, which ironically seems to be an apocryphal, misattirubted quote, but is still a good sentiment nonetheless:

"Before you determine that you suffer from depression or low self-esteem, first, make sure that you are not simply surrounded by assholes."

[–] Smoogs@lemmy.world 3 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Alcoholics also cause this around others. It’s why it’s called ‘the family disease’. Just cuz one person drinks doesnt mean everyone else around them doesnt get affected by it. And it doesn’t matter if they are a happy drunk. Tons of people recovering in alanon because of happy drunks in their life leaving behind the destruction of an illusion to get over and repiece together a functioning adult life.

Alcoholics like to call this ‘charisma’.

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

Thats a good point, but in my defense, I'd argue thst an alcoholic just is a manipulative narcissist, a flavor of them, just with worse memory and coordination.

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[–] Smoogs@lemmy.world 3 points 3 weeks ago

In one therapy there is this acronym called

QTIP.

Quit taking it personally.

Part of a ‘ten ways to untwist your thinking’

https://www.counselinglibrary.org/images/PDF_Documents/CBT_Handouts/10_Forms_of_Twisted_Thinking.pdf

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 14 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Excuse me but I am perfectly capable of telling when I'm being thrown out of a restaurant or orgy.

[–] khepri@lemmy.world 11 points 3 weeks ago

well the buffet at the orgy is always on point so just skip the restaurant next time is my advice.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 13 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

There's reading emotions and then there's claiming you entirely feel other people's emotions and are so confident in it that you insist the other person is lying about their feelings.

[–] village604@adultswim.fan 5 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

I'm going to preface this by saying that I don't challenge people on their feelings, I just observe closely.

The line is kinda blurred since a ton of people are lying to themselves about their feelings, something I'm not immune from either. Anger is a common one that's quite often a mask for fear or anxiety.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 3 points 3 weeks ago

That's fair, but I think it's vital to frame it internally as you suspecting that there are deeper emotions at play here. At the end of the day the person in question is the ultimate authority on their emotions. A lot of so called empaths see all the deeper emotions that they want to see and more or less ignore what they don't want or expect to see. Furthermore you're likely rife with false positives.

Like I'm not discounting that people can observe deeper emotions, a good therapist is able to notice them and lead you to them. But people with hypervigilance often are the ones claiming that they're "empaths" (ie see and instinctively feel other people's emotions) and these traits can correlate with the behavior described above.

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[–] khepri@lemmy.world 3 points 3 weeks ago

true enough, I was just going off the text of the meme rather than the popular notions around "empaths"

[–] TheReanuKeeves@lemmy.world 9 points 3 weeks ago

Reading emotional cues is a basic human sense. Otherwise we would not be naturally tribal. If you discovered you could read emotions past the age of 5, there is likely something atypical about you neurologically.

[–] Smoogs@lemmy.world 2 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

People can sometimes tell how they themselves feel by observing others while injecting wild assumptions born from severe anxiety where they imagine scenarios.

Meet one of my exes. he decided my agency didn’t count in any of the decisions he imposed on me.

He called it empathic. I called it abusive. He later called it anxiety. It was abusive.

basic communication using good old fashion sounds coming out of the mouth and forming words to clear the air like an adult capable of respect for another adult is heavily underrated.

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[–] Whats_your_reasoning@lemmy.world 20 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

It’s sad how terms get co-opted. I get it’s part of the progression of language, but it still sucks.

I soak up the feelings of those around me, but it’s not some hippie woo-woo thing. I don’t think it’s “special,” just uncontrollable empathy. I love watching game shows because I take in the excitement and happiness of the crowd/players. On the flip side, if I see someone crying, it’s hard to stay neutral, because I feel their pain without trying to.

Is it a normal human reaction? Absolutely. Do most people experience it as strongly as I do? I have no evidence either way. It could be more extreme for me, but it could also be normal - just boiling down to differences in emotional regulation.

Either way, I guess I’ll be using the old, unambiguous term “empathic.” It still works, after all, and doesn’t carry the baggage of the newer term.

[–] BananaIsABerry@lemmy.zip 12 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

I can't watch awkward-situation comedy because of this. There are a lot of movies I've had to just either skip scenes or not watch entirely. Second hand embarrassment goes brrr

[–] Zozano@aussie.zone 6 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

That's why I watch it.

It's like spicy food.

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[–] village604@adultswim.fan 2 points 3 weeks ago

Superbad was like that for me. I couldn't enjoy it until like the 3rd time I watched it (because it's my wife's favorite movie). Napoleon Dynamite too

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[–] Itdidnttrickledown@lemmy.world 20 points 3 weeks ago (21 children)

Those that lack empathy hate that people are right about their hidden feelings. The reason for that is empathy is real and no amount of shade thrown on it negates that.

[–] JackbyDev@programming.dev 5 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (10 children)

It's always been my understanding that the term empath implies some sort of higher sense that not everyone is capable of. Similar to some extra sensory ability. Though I may be incorrect. I've never read anything jabbing at "empaths" as jabs at empathy as a concept.

Edit: Phone autocorrected "empaths" to "empathy", oops.

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[–] HalfSalesman@lemmy.world 4 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

I feel like I'm completely detached from this social relation. I find self proclaimed "empaths" mostly just annoying or unconvincing. I don't really have any hatred for them.

People misread my feelings all the time. Then again I'm autistic and default to a poker face like 90% of the time unless I exert effort to emote.

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[–] Smoogs@lemmy.world 19 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Ah yes, reminded me of an ex. Also had severe anxiety. Which was why he broke it off. Also wanted to get back together to see if ‘he made the right choice’ because apparently I don’t count in any of the decisions he makes for me.

My answer was nope!

[–] Aneb@lemmy.world 5 points 3 weeks ago

Mood I'm recently divorced from my husband because all he cared abt was himself

[–] ArgumentativeMonotheist@lemmy.world 15 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I think people on the spectrum when they finally understand their fellow human beings for even a moment just shock themselves and that's how the term came about, lol.

[–] N0t_5ure@lemmy.world 22 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

"Empath" is a colloquial rather than clinical term, but it is useful. For people who grew up in an abusive household with unsafe parents, being hyper-attuned to their parent's emotions was an important survival skill, as being able to make yourself scarce at appropriate times can save you a beating. People give off all sorts of cues to their emotional state, including facial microexpressions, vocal tonality, body language, etc., and children raised in these environments have honed their ability to inutit emotional states from scant external cues, usually without realizing that they're even doing it. Unfortunately, most tend to disregard the "gut" feeling they get when doing it, because their abuse profile also typically includes emotional invalidation, which has taught them that their emotions are "wrong". So the cruel irony is that most "Empaths" don't trust their intuition, and tend to associate with abusive people like their parents, which feels comfortably like "home".

[–] OldQWERTYbastard@lemmy.world 11 points 3 weeks ago

I grew up in an environment like this and developed these skills. I certainly don't consider myself an "empath," but didn't even realize I had these traits until I met my wife who was working on her Masters in clinical counseling.

[–] lmmarsano@lemmynsfw.com 5 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

You just described abilities within the normal range of interpersonal skills: reading emotions. That doesn't imply feeling them.

OP was ridiculing the projection of emotions people don't necessarily have but that the subject arrogantly assumes they do.

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[–] bus_factor@lemmy.world 14 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

Is empath some sort of dogwhistle? The only time I've seen the phrase "I'm an empath" was in between conservative misinformation on Facebook.

[–] mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 9 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

I've seen it with some crystal-healers and alt woo woo types.

I think they mean well... shrug

they seem much much less judgemental and hung up on dogma than the "bless your heart" and "I'll pray for you" types.

YMMV

[–] Nangijala@feddit.dk 5 points 3 weeks ago

Your algorithms must be very different than mine, because I have only seen this type of shit being uttered by bored women who are either stay at home or into the spiritual bs like basing their life decisions on zodiac signs or taking every personality test online and taking their results way too seriously. Have also seen it uttered by manipulative new age men who want puss, but mostly its something that goes on in those very stereotypical woman spaces where you're either a sex and the city-woman or a new age hippie/influencer type.

It's a very specific segment of the female population and weirdly enough, they can be anything from super left wing to super right wing to completely apolitical. The vibe is the same across the board, though, and it always gives me the ick when I run into people who have this über performative personality.

I had zodiacs entirely ruined for me because of these types of women. Used to think it was a bit stupid fun to read horoscopes and shit, until I ran into a few people irl who talked like this: "that's so Leo of me. I can only talk to X because they are a Virgo and my sun is setting over my moon blah blah blah" and they were 100% serious. Those people will also walk around talking about being empaths without a hint of humor, and everytime I hear someone talk like that I remove myself from their orbit immediately.

[–] Denjin@feddit.uk 3 points 3 weeks ago

What they think it means: I have empathy with the struggles of others and can put myself in their shoes to try and understand them.

What it actually means: I'm an insufferable arse who refuses to acknowledge or respect another person's point of view.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 2 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

I associate it deeply with BPD style emotional abuse. Everyone who's done that form of abuse to me has called themselves an empath. But inevitably, nope, it's just hypervigilance and projection and don't I dare correct them on how I'm feeling.

Incidentally I have a cptsd response where I often mask discomfort and fear so it's especially things like me saying "no" and "I don't want that" that get disbelieved by these "empaths"

[–] troyunrau@lemmy.ca 13 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Joke's on you! I'm a Betazoid. Captain, I feel... Intense... Scrolling.

[–] Zorque@lemmy.world 3 points 3 weeks ago

Half-Betazoid.

[–] WhatGodIsMadeOf@feddit.org 12 points 3 weeks ago

Modern spirituality, brought to you by influencers.

[–] Zachariah@lemmy.world 10 points 3 weeks ago

It's like I have ESPN or something. My boobs can always tell when it's going to rain.

[–] CubitOom@infosec.pub 7 points 3 weeks ago

Great, now I want to replay Disco Elysium

[–] Quadhammer@lemmy.world 6 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Does understanding basic emotions make you an empath

[–] lmmarsano@lemmynsfw.com 3 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

Not necessarily. It usually means somewhat selflessly feeling or understanding how they might feel enough to care about their wellbeing & treat them compassionately.

If you're selective about the recipients of your empathy (eg, only those you care about or near you), then you're not really an empath or a good one. Buddhists had empathy & compassion figured out. Jesus stated it, too, with love your enemies. I've frequently seen people try to wield empathy as a cudgel and miss the point.

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[–] krooklochurm@lemmy.ca 5 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

🎶borderline personalityyyyyyyy🎶

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[–] LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world 2 points 3 weeks ago

Damnit, this meme knows how my mind works and now that my delusions have been consciously presented to me, perhaps I should fix myself.

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