this post was submitted on 10 Dec 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world 83 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

I would read that horror story. Imagine unexpectedly facing eternity with The Spanish Inquisition, conquistadors, various other brutal imperialist forces and having it presented to you as a rare honor for a lifetime of Christian service. I imagine it like "The Good Place" except it isn't a comedy.

[–] s@piefed.world 18 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints 

The sinners are much more fun

[–] agentlangdon@infosec.pub 10 points 2 weeks ago

That Billy Joel song was banned by the Catholic church in my country when it first came out.

[–] ComicalMayhem@lemmy.world 12 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Hey just want to let you know I made a writing prompt based off your comment.

[–] Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world 8 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Thanks! I love writing prompts. I saved it so I can see how it goes. Do you write on there?

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[–] JesusChristLover420 9 points 2 weeks ago (7 children)

No imperialist is worthy of eternal life in the Lord's kingdom. Jesus was a black transgender communist, and don't you forget it.

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[–] sirico@feddit.uk 78 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Jesus entered the temple courts and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. 13 “It is written,” he said to them, “‘My house will be called a house of prayer,’[a] but you are making it ‘a den of robbers.

Anyway put money in the basket for my jet

[–] dvlsg@lemmy.world 36 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Man you skipped the part where he spent hours hand making a whip to use on them too.

[–] sirico@feddit.uk 27 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

That's metal. Have you ever been so mad you have made a whip?

[–] wizardbeard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 2 weeks ago

Out of the leather of his shoes, if I remember correctly.

[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 15 points 2 weeks ago

Put MORE money in the basket for my jet, or God will hate you

[–] ComradePorkRoll@lemmy.world 50 points 2 weeks ago (6 children)

I've actually been told by a Christian that I act more like a Christian than some of the Christians they know after sharing with them how I am trying to put my Anarchist beliefs in action through practicing mutual aid and building my community. I hope they realize they can do the same thing and still be Christian. God doesn't love the state and if He does, well...

[–] Quill7513@slrpnk.net 19 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

there's a reason i coalition build best with religious anarchists while myself being an agnostic. there's actually a ton of radical political thought in theology if you can get away from a hierarchically programmed preacher long enough to study it yourself.

there's a song i love titled Owed to a Hypocrite about how the politician and the preacher walk down the road hand in hand oppressing all us regular people

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[–] JesusChristLover420 42 points 2 weeks ago (5 children)

Christians (followers of Paul) are all heretics. I'm a follower of Christ Himself, not these Romans who killed Him and then appropriated His message.

Jesus was black, there's no such thing as Hell, Donald Trump is the Antichrist, Eve was a trans woman, and the government is lying about 9/11!

[–] FosterMolasses@leminal.space 15 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Eve was a trans woman

Hol up-

Imma need you to elaborate on this one lol

[–] shneancy@lemmy.world 25 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Eve was made from a man's rib, so in a way at first she was a clone of his flesh, XY chromosomes and all. The bible does not elaborate on how the abrahamic god made her into a woman, she was able to bear children so there was definitely a change made to the "original" masculine reproductive system, but we don't know at what stage of her becoming a being that occured. Either way though - Adam's rib was transed by god themself into a woman.

now i'm wondering how all the christian terfs would react if someone said that trans women are actually the original women

[–] JesusChristLover420 16 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Jesus was trans too. Virgin conception means there couldn't have been a Y chromosome.

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[–] halvar@lemy.lol 10 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

first i was confused then i realized my confusion was the point and i let go

[–] JesusChristLover420 18 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

Paul was a Roman who never met Jesus, but still claimed to be an apostle. He added many heretical doctrines to the Bible, reinterpreting Jesus' life to suit bourgeois sensibilities. Paul is the source of many conservative ideas claimed to be Christian. https://www.sol.com.au/kor/7_02.htm

Also Eve came from a male rib. The Lord transed her gender when He made her into a woman

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[–] Lemminary@lemmy.world 9 points 2 weeks ago

Username checks out

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[–] RickyRigatoni@retrolemmy.com 40 points 2 weeks ago (5 children)

God doesn't care if you're christian or not all he cares is if you ate enough chili dogs. Needless to say nobody who died before the mid 20th century went to heaven.

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 20 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

God is Sonic the Hedgehog.

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[–] Ghostalmedia@lemmy.world 34 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Evangelicals after the rapture:

“You know what would make heaven even better… Limp Bizkit”

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[–] over_clox@lemmy.world 15 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)
[–] simplejack@lemmy.world 18 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)
[–] over_clox@lemmy.world 8 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Praise Jesus, thank you for the corn!

Edit: WTF?

[–] rainwall@piefed.social 7 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (3 children)

Looks dried, likely used as bait for deer hunting based on the hi vis gear.

Hunting big fucking deer.

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[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 8 points 2 weeks ago

God's up there to greet everybody, and he's like "Who the fuck are all YOU people?"

[–] Knightfox@lemmy.world 8 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

....Win?

Jokes aside, if you don't believe in god and end up going to heaven because you were actually a good person that would be a win in my book, but I would imagine the atheist in this event would be eternally upset that they were wrong in their actual premise. Joke is more funny if you ended up in a non-Christian afterlife.

[–] LoreleiSankTheShip@lemmy.ml 12 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I don't think most atheists would hate to be proven wrong. Most don't have an issue with other people believing either, unless they try to push their beliefs on other people.

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[–] froh42@lemmy.world 11 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

I'm atheist who went through an agnostic phase earlier.

So - as a thought experiment - let's assume there is a god and heaven and a judgment day.

There are two persons in front of the ultimate judge.

One behaved "good" but just out of fear of ultimate judgement.

The other one just he didn't want to be an asshole out of his own wishes.

Who'd pass?

So I think god is irrelevant. Belief is irrelevant.

Ultimately these ideas led me down the path of optimistic nihilism.

And my most important rule for life: Just don't be an asshole.

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[–] FosterMolasses@leminal.space 6 points 2 weeks ago

This was fucking hilarious, thanks

[–] SpicyLizards@reddthat.com 6 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Noooooo, not eternal hyyms!!

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