this post was submitted on 05 Jan 2026
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Don't be mean. I promise to do my best to judge that fairly.

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[–] unknown@piefed.social 29 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Brillo pads are steel wool full of soap, not those green scrubby cloths.

It's a horrific story, but I've been reading too much Oglaf recently and camo-cock is giving me all sorts of ideas. He could put a little army hat on it and do recreations. Very niche audience for that sort of thing I suspect, but he should work with what he's got.

[–] Interstellar_1@lemmy.blahaj.zone 12 points 1 month ago (1 children)

That feels significantly worse

[–] unknown@piefed.social 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Yeah. Significantly.

Idk how oop mixed up those green scrubby cloths with brillo pads, either. Brillo is a well known brand name here to the point of steel wool pads being known as Brillo pads more often than not, like Hoover is for vacuums.

[–] Skua@kbin.earth 11 points 1 month ago (1 children)

To be fair, Brillo do make that kind of scrubbing cloth and they do call it a scouring pad. It's entirely possible that he did have an actual Brillo product that had "pad" printed on the packaging

https://www.brillo.com/cleaning-products/heavy-duty-scouring-pad

[–] unknown@piefed.social 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I think those might be USA only products?

You know how in the USA you guys call tissues kleenex, this would be like you saying kleenex but meaning kitchen towel or loo roll or something.

[–] Skua@kbin.earth 6 points 1 month ago

Oh good point, I didn't think to check where they were sold. I'm also in the UK and would, when hearing "brillo pad", assume the same one you did. It's possible I heard my American ex refer to the green cloths as brillo pads at some point though

[–] Shrubbery@piefed.social 25 points 1 month ago (2 children)

For those interested, garlic is acidic, not alkaline.

[–] Aatube@kbin.melroy.org 8 points 1 month ago

first thing i was thinking of too as a chemistry fan

[–] acockworkorange@mander.xyz 1 points 1 month ago

It's the sulfates, right?

[–] archonet@lemy.lol 22 points 1 month ago

No, it's all fine - it just, my knob's gone

Knob's gone innit? Happens to the best of us.

[–] someguy3@lemmy.world 18 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] nymnympseudonym@piefed.social 27 points 1 month ago

I was seriously afraid he'd permanently polished off his knob

My own scrotum cringes still

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 17 points 1 month ago (3 children)

I can go worse, but not as stupid. Still, worse. Crazy thing, found multiple guys on reddit with the exact same story.

If you want out now, tl;dr: Don't jack it with hair conditioner. This had happened 4 times over a couple of years till I put the pieces together.

Jacked off the usual way, manually, sans lube, typical Tuesday. Same day, still horny, hair conditioner in the shower, little extra friction, but I score, because I am not a quitter. Est GOOOOOALL!

6 hours: Laying in bed reading, tuggin' my junk, kinda itchy.

12 hours: Really itchy, bail for inspection. Circumcision scar down (or up, depending on orientation), pink, puffy, as if lightly sanded with masking tape marking the work area, perfect demarcation. Applied antibiotic unguent for good measure, boxer briefs now contain the anomalous zone.

24 hours: Penis angry, Red Hulk angry. Praying for the itch to return, hurts to wear pants, cannot walk. Another antibiotic poultice, wrapped with thin gauze and tape. Walking now. Weeping a bit.

36 hours: Skin turning brown, turning black, sloughing off. I'll not elaborate. Skin. Off. Tears.

48 hours: Final flesh chunking off, bright new skin underneath. The pain. Kill. Me. DO NOT TOUCH ME!

(vader_burn_robots_pick_flesh.jpg.)

60 hours: Still cannot walk, the wrappings, they do nothing! I smell like a corpse, I dare not shower, dare not wet the thing that has become my nightmare, my master of pain.

72 hours: Fresh epidermis, merely a sunburn, dare not wrap him again. I fear the wrap for reasons I cannot articulate. I lay naked in bed, legs spread to accept what healing oxygen may come, fearful of raising it's wrath again.

96 hours: Mostly new member, thanking both new and forgotten gods, cautious limp. I rejoin mankind.

[–] dharmacurious@slrpnk.net 1 points 3 days ago

Excuse me, what the actual fuck conditioner did you use? I've had a chemical burn down there from shampoo, but I've used conditioner as a kid with no ill impact. Mind if I ask what brand, or even what country? I'm wondering if it's a difference in terms?

[–] yakko@feddit.uk 4 points 1 month ago

I'm honestly just impressed. Someone out there can almost entirely shed and regrow their tortured pork dagger in 4 days flat, but I still have a twinge in my thumb from a playground accident 34 years ago.

[–] OlPatchy2Eyes@slrpnk.net 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Yup. Happened to me when I started experimenting as a kid. How are you supposed to know what's safe to use as lube in middle school? :(

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago

Same deal?! Can't believe guys don't talk among each other more about this.

[–] agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works 16 points 1 month ago

Sometimes you read something like "camo print garlic cock mistake", and there are no words.

[–] clay_pidgin@sh.itjust.works 16 points 1 month ago

My goodness.

[–] TwoBeeSan@lemmy.world 13 points 1 month ago

Multiple nose exhales.

[–] SalamenceFury@lemmy.world 11 points 1 month ago

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!!!

[–] Apytele@sh.itjust.works 10 points 1 month ago

Nurse life has me nodding along to this while eating lunch.

[–] JoeBigelow@lemmy.ca 10 points 1 month ago

I tapped at the word "exfoliate".

[–] SpikesOtherDog@ani.social 8 points 1 month ago

In the Midwest I would also reach for a green scrub pad at the word 'Brillo.'

[–] toynbee@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago

This is reminiscent of the guy who put nair on his member.

Never a dull day in the wang biz

[–] ramenshaman@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (4 children)

This is how this post shows in in Boost

This is how it shows up in Voyager

[–] Nollij@sopuli.xyz 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)

When you open the image, at the top right is a button labeled HD. Tap that and try again.

Apparently it's been there since the Reddit days, but I didn't learn of it until later.

[–] ramenshaman@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago

Oh damn, that worked. Thanks!

[–] SpikesOtherDog@ani.social 3 points 1 month ago

Somehow Connect rendered the entire thing clearly in it's length. My only complaint was that my touching it, Connect decided I wanted to examine the whole thing at once, which was a mild annoyance because I was already 80% of the way down on the thing. Whelp, a quick pinch put me right back where I wanted to be and I finished it right off.

[–] notthebees@reddthat.com 2 points 1 month ago

Boost should have a high res option.

[–] Asidonhopo@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

On the lemmy website it shows thumbnailed worse than the top one. And for some reason catbox moe links never work for me. Thanks for posting the image!

Edit: dang it that's only part of the post lol I need to know what this poor dude did to his junk

[–] Interstellar_1@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] Asidonhopo@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago

Heroic, thank you internet stranger

[–] Interstellar_1@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Right click on it and click open in a new tab

[–] Asidonhopo@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

FWIW this didnt work, was still really low res, thanks for the rehosted image above that worked but I guess in the future catbox images just aren't for me. I wonder why? The image hosted on catbox wont load at all

Apparently there's one isp that rate limits catbox, can't remember what it was, probably could be that

[–] TrickDacy@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago

Jesus Christ these tall image reposts make me want to gouge my eyes out

[–] Clent@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 month ago

Meh. I've seen and read worse. This is really tame. I wouldn't be surprised if multiple people haven't tattooed their dick in camo for the lulz.