this post was submitted on 14 Jan 2026
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[–] mushroomman_toad@lemmy.dbzer0.com 143 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

The apps are literally designed to keep you single

[–] LH0ezVT@sh.itjust.works 104 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

While yes, that is the case, I cannot help but feel it's not the app's fault this time

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 24 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

The Algorithm used to match people isn't designed to encourage healthy and normal conversations. It's designed to encourage people to spend more time on the apps (and, eventually, more money).

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[–] peopleproblems@lemmy.world 18 points 2 weeks ago (7 children)

I used to think this. Then I went on some dates, I made connections, etc.

But only once I started paying. The apps are built to maximize profit.

Hinge > Boo > Tinder > Bumble.

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[–] GreenBeanMachine@lemmy.world 89 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

She clearly doesn't know how to talk to men either.

If all you text is "hey" to a woman as a first message, you can be sure 99.9% percent of them won't even respond.

At least he tried and gave her a compliment.

[–] monkeyslikebananas2@lemmy.world 16 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

YoU hAvE tO rEaD bEtWeEn tHe LiNeS Or sOmE sHiT - her probably

[–] Sternout@feddit.org 17 points 2 weeks ago

It's literally a first contact. These apps are exhausting and texting requires effort from both parties.

[–] unexposedhazard@discuss.tchncs.de 80 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Even funnier with the timestamps

9/11 of a conversation

[–] Manticore@lemmy.nz 71 points 1 week ago (4 children)

Tbf she made zero effort to converse with OOP either

[–] markovs_gun@lemmy.world 24 points 1 week ago (4 children)

This is the bumble experience lol. The man still has to do the real first message because the woman's first message is going to be "hey" 99% of the time.

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[–] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 19 points 1 week ago

Perfect match!

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[–] halfsalesman@piefed.social 56 points 2 weeks ago

The issue isn't talking to women. The issue is talking to people you are attracted to.

I'm bi but I'm not attracted everyone. And I can tell you it takes a lot more from me to talk to someone I'm attracted to and I don't think I could easily just be normal friends with someone I badly want to fuck and just have normal conversations with them.

[–] SillyDude@lemmy.zip 48 points 2 weeks ago (9 children)

You may entice a woman with a piece of cheese. If she accepts you may then ask her to wed you.

[–] svcg@lemmy.blahaj.zone 13 points 2 weeks ago

Cheddar? I hardly know her!

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[–] chunes@lemmy.world 44 points 1 week ago (5 children)

The fundamental issue here is that they call this dating when it's something else entirely. They should have made a new name for it when it became like sifting through resumes.

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[–] TheRealKuni@piefed.social 39 points 2 weeks ago (7 children)

Women are literally just people. Talk to them like you talk to other people.

[–] FartMaster69@lemmy.dbzer0.com 62 points 2 weeks ago

That’s the problem

[–] ArgumentativeMonotheist@lemmy.world 32 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

But are they men? Have you seen gay dudes flirting? It ain't the same. Sure, they're people, what else would we all be? But they're distinctively different from men.

[–] TheRealKuni@piefed.social 13 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

they’re distinctively different from men.

They’re really not. Every person is different from every other person, but a woman is still just a person. And most people aren’t comfortable being treated like they’re different.

Be friendly and most people will also be friendly.

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[–] 0ops@piefed.zip 23 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Okay great, good stuff... Any tips for talking to other people?

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[–] Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works 33 points 2 weeks ago (17 children)

It's sad things like this that make me think, it's too bad church is all fucked up with religion. Because "Entire families, plus any single individuals, get washed and dressed up, then join under the stained-glass windows to sit and stand and sing and go through the motions, while all the eligible sweeties pretend they're not checking out all the other eligible sweeties, and have a whole hour to think of something to say to them over the coffee and cookies afterwards. Repeat weekly" is pretty much how a lot of people found partners for generations. Especially those whose families couldn't afford ballrooms and country clubs.

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[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 32 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (15 children)

Had a couple of lady friends who went on vacation to Europe - Spain and France, specifically - and had totally different experiences on the dating apps. Men were open and friendly, knew how to hold up a conversation (in non-native languages!), showed politeness, responded quickly, made first contact easy and low-anxiety, looked good, smelled nice, knew how to dance, charmed the panties right off them both, and then kept in contact afterwards. Like, even after they flew back home, these guys were still saying "Hey, what's up, here's something cool happening in my neighborhood can't wait to see you again".

Just a radically different experience than the American dating scene. One friend straight up swore off American men entirely. She's booking a flight back to France for a three month go - working remote, learning the language, the whole thing - because of how blown away by the healthier and happier social conditions over there.

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 65 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Tourist hunters. They know the game. They aren't the norm.

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[–] zalgotext@sh.itjust.works 25 points 1 week ago (9 children)

Imagine making a radical life change based on a dating app hookup

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[–] echodot@feddit.uk 23 points 1 week ago

Yeah but that's not dating that's a hookup. Completely different ball game. Much easier to maintain a facade for a couple of days when both parties know that there is no potential for relationship.

Actual dating requires you to maintain for the long haul.

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[–] robocall@lemmy.world 30 points 1 week ago (1 children)

That guy is a keeper! Lock him down and he'll be loyal for life! He doesn't even know how to talk to other women!!

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[–] toxicbubble@lemmy.world 28 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

bumble was designed so women could message first.

the messages: "hey"

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[–] Siethron@lemmy.world 24 points 1 week ago

As a cishet man who isn't passionate about hyping himself up and gets burnt out socially easily...

No one on dating apps is worth the effort required to overcome the illusion of comparison. We don't know you and we're not going become infatuated over what you can put in a profile. At most our interest will be piqued, but we know we have to compete with HUNDREDS of other dudes and ...ehhhhh.

To put it another way if I was at a party and there was a beautiful girl surrounded by 10 to 20 dudes I wouldn't even bother and instead try to have fun and talk to people I found interesting. But with dating apps pretty much every girl is always surrounded by guys like that trying too hard and the same guys are surrounding as many girls as possible since online they are not limited by the physics of space online.

[–] Xenny@lemmy.world 24 points 1 week ago (2 children)

...she even....she even opened

[–] Tartas1995@discuss.tchncs.de 32 points 1 week ago (1 children)

It is bumble. She has to start.

[–] FatVegan@leminal.space 32 points 1 week ago (3 children)

They changed that. Now no one texts ever.

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[–] Honytawk@feddit.nl 19 points 1 week ago

Only used one word sentences though.

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 22 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (22 children)

I was taught to treat others the way I want to be treated, but this causes friction when I want to be harassed and catcalled the way cartoon construction workers harass and catcall women, but women don't like that at all. 😩

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[–] roserose56@lemmy.zip 19 points 1 week ago (2 children)

You have to know stuff, you can't just go there! Saying "hi" is a red flag, bad seed, you will be ghosted.

[–] PhoenixDog@lemmy.world 15 points 1 week ago (1 children)

My partner messaged me first asking if my cat's name was Dickface.

We were married 8 months later.

[–] smeenz@lemmy.nz 15 points 1 week ago (4 children)
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[–] Formfiller@lemmy.world 19 points 2 weeks ago (6 children)

Women are people so you talk to them how you would talk to another person

[–] Fredthefishlord@lemmy.blahaj.zone 47 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Ok but like. Dating and flirting talk is different from normal talk. More giggly, more vibes. Some people can't do that for shit

[–] Formfiller@lemmy.world 27 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

There’s a lot of women who can’t do that either. It’s not a movie and a lot of us have the same executive functioning disorders that make this confusing. I think people need to find someone who connects with them so pretending to be someone else is a bad strategy

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[–] Zozano@aussie.zone 13 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

"I took a mad shit today, it smelt acidic bro, even after I flushed, it stuck to the side of the bowel. I used my kegel muscles to piss at Mach 10 speed, but all it really did it spray a bit of piss on the toilet seat. So anyway how you doing, are you free to catch up for a coffee?"

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[–] boonhet@sopuli.xyz 13 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Talking to women and talking to women you want to date are slightly different things tbh. The latter doesn't necessarily come naturally for all.

And online, it gets even harder oftentimes. Creating a captivating conversation out of an empty bio, two generic photos and a name? That's still damn difficult for me and I've been on tinder for like 4 years out of the last 8. Obviously it's easier if the conversational partner throws you a bone. OOP didn't exactly have a great opener to begin with and then was given a "tyyy". Try riffing on that. Good luck. I can see why OOP gave up on the conversation.

Online "dating" sucks. I'm sure women have their own reasons why it sucks (safety in particular), but for men it sucks because generally speaking, you're expected to prove yourself as an interesting conversational partner within 2-3 messages. Even on Bumble it's the same, as seen in the screenshot. Women have to write first there, but usually it's just "hi" or an emoji.

So I also don't know how to talk to women. I have female friends. I'm not an incel, I've had a couple of long-term relationships and some, eh, situationships I guess? Even some with people I met on dating apps. Meet me in person? We're staying awake talking until 5 AM. Actually give me something to riff about in your bio or at least reply to me with more than one word? We're at the very least going to have a fun conversation, maybe meet in real life. But give me an empty bio and one word replies? I'm sorry, but I just don't know how to talk to you.

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[–] nialv7@lemmy.world 12 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

I don't know how to talk to another person either.

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[–] sundray@lemmus.org 17 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Dating concerns of the modern era: "Now, how do I make it clear I'm not a murderer without looking like a murderer 🤔 ."

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[–] Dyskolos@lemmy.zip 16 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

I feel so sorry for generations having to use those stinky fucking pieces of shit predatory apps, designed to keep the majority of men single AND paying.

Also the method of "dating" there sucks so much, unless you're just there for a quick fuck.

Not saying it was easier back then without those apps. Probably wasn't.

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[–] smuuthbrane@sh.itjust.works 14 points 2 weeks ago

PSA: "tyyy" - thanks, ya yella yutz.

Such language. Tsk.

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