Why is everything blaming the monkeys now? Hasn't it been the general consensus that things started to go downhill the moment this idiot fish decided to walk on dry land?
this post was submitted on 01 Feb 2026
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me_irl
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I wish the monkeys would hurry the fuck up
*Apes.
This is not a cladistically unsound notion, apes are a subgroup of monkey.
I think you've got that backwards
Then all of these rocks and stars are forgotten when the universe is just black holes for a trillion trillion years.
All those black holes coalesce into a single super duper ultra plus max black hole, and then it explodes.
And, here we go again.
The monkeys realize they can power contraptions using the heat from combustion. After widespread adoption, they find out that the result of this process is slowly destroying their home at an increasing rate. The monkeys ignore the destruction, because the monkeys have created a system that replaces work with a token, and monkeys hoarding tokens having seized control of the central monkey systems, stopping any other monkeys from addressing the destruction of their home.
The Monkeys with the most, are also the most afraid, because they fear no longer having tokens, and of being treated like they treat token-less monkeys. So the hoarding monkeys cheat and lie and steal until they're so powerful that even committing terrible crimes doesn't get them in trouble with other monkeys, so afraid monkeys are of those with the most tokens.
So quietly, and without notice, the day comes and passes, when if they were going to stop the destruction, if they were going to save their world, they would have had to have acted on that day.... but they didn't. Because the token-having monkeys made sure that no other monkey were allowed to stop them. And so they continued destroying their home, until it was too late, and they all ended up dying of starvation, thirst, and exhaustion, while the planet they were on went about it's day, hoping that a newer, more intelligent kind of life would emerge.
You left out the best part. That in their greed and fear the tokened monkeys made a political monster to give them more, and they lose control of it, and it destroys them. One way and others. Then the climate change and all that, no telling how that turns out when. Fucking day after tomorrow winter where I'm at.
A bit rude to call humans monkeys, that's extremely insulting.
Monkeys aren't dumb enough to blow themselves up.
They probably are if we gave them the opportunity
They would elect Donald Chimp and give him access to the banana button.
Exactly, we’re apes.
No, we're great apes. 🙄
Obviously, if we're the reason for all this.
Great, indeed.
Pretty sure this is a dry taxonomy thing and not a "we better" thing.
They are dumn enough to never get to a state where they could
Some might call that intelligence.
Nah that's definitely a wisdom stat.
Douglas Adams couldn't have written it better
This is really harsh on monkeys tbh. If monkeys were actually in charge none of this shit would be happening.
*Apes
Nonsense. I have no idea where these accusations keep coming from. Also, I would be statistically FAR safer to be around than one of you humans, sharks kill far less of y-US than humans do, if I was a shark and not a tasty man, which I’m not.
Apes strong together. We can take them if we unite.
Apes, not monkeys. No tail.
Speak for yourself.
Some people are born with tails.
If it doesn't have a tail it's not a monkey, even though it has a monkey kind of shape.
If is doesn't have a tail, it's not a monkey!
If it doesn't have a tail, it's an ape!
Edit: Larry and Bob are clearly Apes. They have no tails
That is good, but we don't know how old the universe actually is. Despite what the experts tell us.
Isn't this the intro to Disco Elysium?
I bet there are other monkeys out there who had the same thought over the years.
And the universe just goes on and on.
Wow some bitch rewrote a far-side comic from 1990 into a tweet,