this post was submitted on 13 Feb 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Peanut butter and

[–] nonentity@sh.itjust.works 4 points 4 hours ago

I’ve tried, but I can’t unsee my initial identification of filled nappy and used tampons.

[–] dbtng@eviltoast.org 9 points 9 hours ago

This is gross, but I can't stop looking at it.

[–] MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca 67 points 14 hours ago* (last edited 14 hours ago) (7 children)

If you're uncircumcised you can try a variation of this where you put peanut butter on your knob and then jam on your shaft then when you pull your foreskin over it you've got yourself a pb&j eggroll. If you're circumcised then I'd suggest some foreskin regeneration therapy so you can try making pb&j shlongrolls in a few years. No one should miss out.

[–] Pat_Riot@lemmy.today 65 points 12 hours ago (3 children)

Please provide an example that fits in the Red/Blue overlap.

[–] Apytele@sh.itjust.works 9 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

I have a folder of shitpost diagrams that is way too small and I appreciate you helping me add to it.

[–] Pat_Riot@lemmy.today 3 points 8 hours ago

I'm here to help

[–] bluesheep@sh.itjust.works 45 points 14 hours ago (5 children)

The fact that this exists means that god is either oblivious to the horrors taking place on its universe or that he is impotent to change the events taking place on it

[–] Hupf@feddit.org 32 points 14 hours ago (1 children)
[–] MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca 7 points 13 hours ago (2 children)

I used to be friends with that bird but he kept going on and on about his opinions on TV shows. Like the family guy/Pinky and the brain crossover episode where Brain and Brian swap places and Brian gets drunk and tries to put lipstick on pinky but the lipstick is his dong. That goddamn bird was convinced that Seth MacFarlane and Steven Spielberg deserved to be charged under archaic obscenity laws for that one. I mean it's probably the dumbest goddamn episode of TV I've ever seen but let's not bring back 1950s broadcast standards over it.

[–] dharmacurious@slrpnk.net 2 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

... That's not an actual episode... Right?

[–] MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca 2 points 10 hours ago

It was in Burkina Faso but I don't think it ever aired in the United States. If you use a VPN you should still be able to catch it

[–] Eheran@lemmy.world 3 points 13 hours ago (1 children)
[–] MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca 2 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

Which ones though? Acetaminophen? Caffeine? Carbon monoxide?

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 9 hours ago

You forgot another possibility:

He is neither oblivious nor impotent, yet finds this extremely funny.

[–] wizardbeard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 10 hours ago

Or that he approves. Don't kink shame.

[–] samus12345@sh.itjust.works 6 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

He could also be aware and have the power to change it, but doesn't care.

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

In which case he's not a loving god 🤷

[–] samus12345@sh.itjust.works 2 points 10 hours ago

Yes, he would need to be stupid, powerless, or both to also be loving.

[–] Gonzako@lemmy.world 6 points 14 hours ago

Nah, as god is all-know able he has the deep knowledge of all the kinks and has experienced them fully. God's into this.

[–] ickplant@lemmy.world 26 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

The real gold is always in the comments.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 5 points 12 hours ago

someone get me some nitric acid we need to hide the gold

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 10 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

I'm circumcised. Last girl I was with said, "so you're not circumcised?" While handling it. Makes you think. Makes me think, anyway.

[–] MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca 9 points 14 hours ago

Honestly she probably just wanted to make you feel better because you can't make her knobroll snacks.

Next time just tell her to go pick carrots to sell at the local farmers market. It's probably a better use of her time anyway.

[–] Thedogdrinkscoffee@lemmy.ca 3 points 11 hours ago

Angry upvote

[–] thisbenzingring@lemmy.today 3 points 14 hours ago

:: this account has been blocked::

lol jk

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 26 points 12 hours ago* (last edited 12 hours ago) (1 children)

I find this funny because I actually did once have a peanut butter jelly sex sandwich with someone.

Long story short, she dared me to, we used shower curtains over the bed... and floor... and took our sweet and sticky time showering off afterward.

... didn't think to uh, make any pictures or anything of it, fortunately or unfortunately.

So uh, good memories from this image, lol.

[–] puppycat@lemmy.blahaj.zone 15 points 11 hours ago (2 children)

what exactly does peanut butter jelly sex entail? asking for a friend

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 15 points 10 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago) (3 children)

One person gets a good deal of their nude body covered in peanut butter.

The other gets jam.

(Probably a good idea to shave and trim yourselves a bit before hand, your call though)

You can start in little dollops on specific areas, neckline, tip of an ear, maybe tip of the nose if you're feeling kinda funny... other areas... and then uh... clean them up... as if it was edible...

... or you can just get right down to being bread and making the sandwich.

Or you can just slowly discover all new kinds of flavors and mouthfeels you've not likely tried before, in... really any position you'd like.

Just make sure to keep the actual uh ... lock and key, make sure they are well good and clean before you try to unlock any doors.

Don't wanna end up with a yeast infection or any other kind of infection.

Its basically impossible to totally keep all your hair 100% clean, (unless you both use hair nets i guess maybe?), hence the thorough and rigorous and lengthy shower afterward.

Do let me know if this piques your friend's ... appetite.

EDIT:

Also of course do a prior determination of both party's preference for chunky or smooth, flavor of jelly or jam.

And... probably avoid or significantly alter the concept if anybody is allergic to nuts.

EDIT 2:

Also, pick a soundtrack, or two, before hand, especially if you have close neighbors.

We went with Ratatat.

[–] toynbee@lemmy.world 2 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

Does this not inevitably result in a yeast infection for ... Someone?

Also, never met anyone else who could drop the name "Ratatat." Badass.

[–] BanMe@lemmy.world 1 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

Hey some of us listen to Ratatat fairly often, wondering why the hell they had to stop making good music

[–] toynbee@lemmy.world 1 points 4 hours ago

I haven't listened to them in years, but I enjoyed what I heard. (I actually made a post on lemmy about how the first time I heard Ratatat I was driving past Ararat Rd.)

I intended no criticism of the musician, just surprise at seeing them mentioned.

[–] IratePirate@feddit.org 1 points 4 hours ago

And... probably avoid or significantly alter the concept if anybody is allergic to nuts.

Ain't nobody allergic to DEEZ NUTS!

[–] humorlessrepost@lemmy.world 1 points 7 hours ago

Also, pick a soundtrack, or two, before hand, especially if you have close neighbors.

It’s peanut butter jelly time!

[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 1 points 10 hours ago

pretty obvious. one peanut butter, one jelly, sex.

might want an epipen just in case.

[–] usualsuspect191@lemmy.ca 4 points 13 hours ago (1 children)
[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 10 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago)

Hmm. Now I gotta try PB&H 🤔