This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.
Be warned:
If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.
The jangled skeletons guarding the entrance to Shart’s Hollow have a 1/100 chance of dropping a Putrid Shart Shard. If you combine 12 of them, you can craft a rare opposite-handed Bambieshart Brocade that, when dual wielded, gives a stacked 0.09% boost to critical hits. This strategy is crucial to my main build that is just the two brocades and a Grisly Thong, for aesthetic purposes.
Don't give up, Skeleton!
The problem is that you talked to Bambieshart before encountering Lotherad's Hound. If you'd waited until after that fight, he would have given you Bambieshart's Shattered Urn, which you could give to Herrigold in the Dying Swamp for Kneivel's Sisters, the best weapon in the game
The best weapon in new game+, maybe. Have you seen the stat requirements on that thing?
You were supposed to level up only strength. If you leveled up anything else, you're doing it wrong.
"whaoa dude the lore is so sick dude like the wiki explains how bambieshart was actually an agent of the glimmer knights and was actually killed by an opposing faction dude if you go to the wall precisely after killing the ice queen boss you can drop down a ledge to where the wall would collapse him and seal it dude this lore is so epic"
And that information was extrapolated from 10 different item, weapon and armor descriptions
What nobody really talks about is that if you use the dogshit during the jabberwock fight exactly when it is bryllyg, it will apply the slithy status effect, which causes it to fail to gyre and gimble (you know the one), it rewards you with two lines of secret dialogue that completely recontextualizes the entire borogove arc.
If you're playing on build 75022[JA], the Jabberwock can only be found during real-life full moon days.
It really ties in with the lore of the Forsaken Scklorgh
This post. This is the one that did it. I officially can no longer distinguish reality from satire.
this ranks with Ozymandias for it's eloquence
You're literally trekking through a world nearly 10,000 years into the end of time apocalypse after everything but the most powerful magic items have faded into dust and what little remains is merely a ghost of what it once was in the "golden era." Of course the items are dogshit. That's literally the only thing left in this broken world!
lol what game is that?
Peripeteia, a very unfinished and buggy early access immersive sim with no ETA - it does have a demo, though
Anon got filtered by the Tree Guardian and is coping
Dies, you pick up their items, it's dogshit
This part is true tho
I remember my 2nd play through of elden ring. I found patches in shaded castle, gave me a letter or something, then died.
A paragraph and a half in, and my brain urinated on itself. I saw words, but few of them made sense. Not to say the greentext wasn't good. I'm just an old Gen X, unfamiliar with the way the kids talk these days.
It's about a Nintendo called Elden Ring.
Ohh is that on the Microsoft Nintendo or the Sony Nintendo?
I believe it's the one that you plug in the telly
Are you some kind of tech-whizz?
I am, thanks for noticing ! Even have the little pointy hat and all
How would I know? My grandkids play on that damn thing!
It's about how some video games do this thing where the lore is barely explained in cryptic sentences by the few characters, and basically you need an online wiki to understand anything about the story of the game.
The games most gilty of this are the fark souls franchise. Good games, but I hate this kind of lore.
Great for ludonarrative harmony, but absolute ass for being an adult with responsibilities and understanding what's going on
Bro I have to thank you for making me laugh irl, a brain urinating on itself. I nearly spat out my drink
Same but Gen Y
And somehow there is a 1.5 hour lore video by VaatiVidya about this character and it has 7.5M views.
The only game I could roughly follow was Elden Ring. The others I didn’t even bother to try, inscrutable messes all.
Jabberwocky reference tho
why have so few people read famous poems?
Not everyone is into them. I like some poems, but they're not really super interesting to me. I don't dismiss them as an art form, and appreciate they exist, but I don't get much out of just reading them. I prefer poetic language in music I guess, though I'm not into poems enough to fully identify those. I know I like songs that tell an interesting narrative with unusual words etc, but dunno if they qualify as poems.
Ironically ‘Jabberwocky’ was published as part of a prose novel.
No! My consecrated shmungous! I'll have to wait until New Game+ to get those again (he only gives you two, according to the wiki)
Instant classic.
I agree with anon here. This dumb shit is why I don't even bother getting into the fantasy genre. I just want to play and be entertained, and not have to study an intricate world with layers upon layers of deep lore without completely fucking up my progress.
I got elden ring recently. Played it for maybe 4 hours so far. I am utterly convinced that the narrative style is tounge and cheek. Like, actually a joke. That isn't to say it's not deep, or interesting on face value, but it's just so immediate; such a firehose of wackyness... It reminds me of metalgear, so much in its way of being simultaneously non-serious and serious.
I wouldn't be surprised; I do enjoy self-aware humor. MGS on PS1 was a fun one.
Well you might wanna know that you can totally ignore all the lore and still make it through the entire game. Like even the basic lore isn't just given to you in dialogue; you have to purposely look for it in item descriptions and in-world environmental storytelling.
It also ends up making total sense in the context of everything, if you really need to know who the fuck Bambieshart is.
Like even the basic lore isn’t just given to you in dialogue; you have to purposely look for it in item descriptions and in-world environmental storytelling.
Yeah, that's what I hate about the fantasy genre in general. It requires outside studying. No thanks.
I'm not dogging on anyone who does enjoy fantasy; I'm more frustrated at my ADHD because I really do get intrigued by a lot of fantasy games and D&D and whatnot. But even medicated, I just don't have the mental capacity to remember anything important. Hell, Baldur's Gate 3 is on my Steam wishlist.
Ugh. It's too early in the morning.
I guess in that case it would suck. You might end up like me and get hung up on names uttered ONCE but was interesting enough to pique your interest, only to be let down that there is no other info about them anywhere. 🤣