Ask Lemmy

Probably fuck some kids to blend in

/s

Build a fuggerei 2.0

First thing? Probably panic. Second thing? Probably try to wake myself up. Third thing? Probably try to find some rational way that I just got isekai’ed as a billionaire.

After it finally sank in, I’d probably consider lobbying for things before I lose touch with where I used to be. Right to repair, universal healthcare, UBI, etc…

Well if he woke up obviously the first stab didn't kill him so I'd stab him again.

American billionaire (1000 millions) or European billionaire (1 million millions)?

paying lobbyists to right for right to repair and privacy laws in the US, and bringing data brokers and patent trolls into never ending litigation.

Turn my country the fuck around so that public servants represent people and decisions are made to improve the lives of people.

First thing?

Probably buy my wife something nice.

Next, I would love to upgrade and spoil the homeless shelter behind my work. I always fantasize about being able to afford food, socks and blankets to distribute.

First selfish thing? Build a new computer.

Take biggest loan(s) and sell everything I own. Buy big storage space with wall full of leaf blowers and blow the money for the rest of my life.

start a gameshow that has three contestants that have to run while five people hunt them down. the whole time they're running from the hunters people on the streets can turn them in for a reward.

when they're finally caught, we kill them live on air.

I'd quit my job, buy a small house for my partner and I and give enough to my family that they wouldn't have to worry about money again.

With the rest, I'd set up a trust that donates 1% per year in microgrants to free software maintainers who apply to it. Similar to NLnet, but with no strings attached beyond continuing to maintain the project.

Then, with all my free time, I'd also work on free software.

Pay my taxes and not rape children.

Destroy capitalism by out competing everyone.

Build out swathes of affordable housing/mixed use properties in large enough numbers to drive down the prices city wide.

Turn myself in to a millionaire

I'd lobby politicians into bombing Israel, I think they need a turn.

Buy politicians.

Probably yell WOOHOO.

Next is quit my job.

A new off-grid house. We have a lot of power outages here every winter.

An older used car (I want nothing to do with a new car which are basically rolling spyware).

Start helping the worse off in my area such as the homeless and those living below the poverty line.

Look into my pants to see if my d shrunk even more.

I'd put him back to sleep 💁‍♀️

I'd shut the fuck up. Pay off my house and maybe add an addition to where I'm at. Same with some relatives. Fix my Subaru the way I want it, buy a catterham.

Start buying people's debt for pennies on the dollar and cancelling it.

I have this dream of building my own little socialist company town. where like, instead of people scraping by, we all get universal healthcare and walkable, tree-lined streets.

What I do would be redacted here, but when I am done there would be no more billionaires.

Basically spend it all making militant resistance cells around the United States, enable them to operate independently via sourcing cnc machines, 3D printers, and hobbyist electronics, then provide financial incentives to targeting other billionaires' assets or persons and/or hate groups and right wing think tanks.

This will continue until I'm arrested, run out of funds, or succeed.

....then I'd buy a sammich.

99M in a trust fund for me, my immediate family, extended family and friends. We would live relatively modest and give generously.

901M would go to a wide assortment of charities and causes:

• Fund my local foodbank for the next 50 years. Perhaps even a dynasty trust.
• Tackle youth unemployment and unmet community needs through investing in non-market solutions. E.g. build greenhouses with raised beds in urban brownfield and greenfield property, hire local people to grow resilient local foods and donate them throughout the community. Some local old age homes had some complaints about food quality and budget and they wanted things like fresh ripe tomatoes. I'd given them 3 seasons worth for free and pay for the equipment, labour, insurance out of pocket. Local youth could get high school credits, jobs not just gardening, but designing and improve closed ag systems, plumbing, deep winter greenhouse design and engineering, logistics, everything. Good experience and spending money. Maybe turn into a market career for some.

Build a few multiplexes as high quality PassiveHousePlus and operate as self funded charity built and operated using only local labour for womans & homeless shelters

I have a few friends in social services and I guarenfuckentee a shitload of orphans and foster kids and poor kids supervised by children services would get new toys, clothes, shoes, bedding, pillows, christmas presents from a bad ass santa, art supplies, comic books, tuition, books, enrichment activity fees and more. Some have this through foster parents and public systems. Way too many don't.

I can't help everyone and even this money won't last long, but Imma go out swinging hard.

He'd probably wonder why I was in his house

If i woke up a billionaire, I would tell him to pay some taxes to avoid the guillotine in a couple years.

cancel my benefits. tell my wife. I mean I would start trying to figure out my money but if a surface look indicated I was going to be set for life no matter what I do and if all the financials had some setup im sure we would definately take an extended vacay of no planning. Just go and do what we want and indulge. After a bit would start figuring out how to do something useful outside of be hedonistic and figure out where we want to live and such.

Use my newly found influence in politics to make sure my kind cannot exist ever again.

Cocaine then a sub to check out Titanic. Pretty standard, really.

get up

Same as I do every morning. A big mug of coffee and a big shit.

No amount of money would change that.

Begin process of leaving the USA.

Hit snooze.