this post was submitted on 03 Feb 2026
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But why would it matter if you had a positive or negative on such a test? If youre happier transing your gender you should, whether or not a test said you have the "genes" for it (I find a lot of take at home commercial tests highly dubious at best). I dont know if it was you or someone else here, but I also heard it from a different trans girl I know online who said the same thing - and I find it such a strange mindset. My confidence in my transness came from living as a woman and liking it a lot, and that built up with small steps like wearing girl clothes at home, wearing girl clothes under boy clothes, socially transitioning, HRT, now getting bottom surgery. I never needed a genetic test, I trusted my heart - but it does make me curious why people feel like they need some outside signal about it.
The idea of a trans gene or test was really important to me when I was early on in figuring out my gender. I knew it shouldn't matter, but it still felt like it would be really helpful.
Mid egg-crack brainworms
"Yes I'm disphoric and I would be happier living as a woman* and I hate being seen as a man, but do I feel those things strongly enough for it to count? Maybe if I were 'really trans' I would feel those things way more intensely, but I don't so I should just get over it. If only someone would use the transometer on me, and tell me whether or not to transition."At the time, the idea seemed comforting, but as I worked through my feelings, I've found it way more comforting that that doesn't, and pretty much couldn't, exist.
Well the first person I talked to about it was my mom 4 years ago and she basically said she thought I was wrong and much more likely I was just depressed and lonely and maybe she should've remarried when I was young to make sure I had a good male role model.
I think that turbocharged my extant self esteem and identity issues, and while it's gotten better and I even refer to myself as a woman sometimes I still feel the need to prove it "empirically" even if that's not really possible
The empirical test is if it makes you happy, does being a woman or trans femme happy? This is a more empirical test cause you fortunately have access to your mind and your feelings whereas everyone else has to take your word for it.
OCD shadowboxing
But what if I can't trust my thoughts? What if I only feel happier because this is giving me some sense of purpose or something to work towards, whereas I might've felt just as happy learning to skateboard or something?┻┻︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵┻┻ i hate having a brain
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Honestly, even if that were true, why would it matter?Cause it would mean this might not be right for me? And the idea of that horrifies me so I know that's not true. But it still nibbles at the edges of my brain
Would it mean it's not right for you? If you had learned to skateboard and that made you happy, would you need a medical test to prove you were meant to be a skateboarder?
Ugh no, but I still feel like it's different, even if I can't articulate it properly
Transitioning is absolutely a different thing than skateboarding in some ways, but I think the differences that matter are different than the ones you're worried about. I pressed you with one of the questions I got caught on a few years ago when I was wrestling with things that sound similar to what you've been saying. Over time as I've worked through my thoughts about being trans, being a person, and being a trans person, the things like this that worried me most at the time feel more and more like they don't need to be part of how anybody lives their life. I'd enjoy talking about it more if you want to.
So is that where you are with it now? That it doesn't really matter what's "right" or "meant" for you as long as you're happy?
Not that it doesn’t matter whether transition is “right” for someone, but that the idea of it being right or wrong doesn’t exist in any way that can be separated from a person’s satisfaction with the outcome. If someone transitions and that makes their life better, that’s the whole story. There’s no hidden answer waiting to be revealed about whether they were actually “supposed” to transition. Whatever biological comparisons or categorizations could be made about people who transition can only meaningfully be descriptive. They can’t actually separate which people are “meant” to transition.
For a while, that felt like a comforting lie I was telling myself, and I still worried that someday someone was going to prove I wasn’t actually trans and I was wrong to think I was. But with time and experience, I’ve come to accept that all that is literally true.
Cis men don't wonder if theyre trans like that or feel happy being women
This is why I'm totally against trans/gender gatekeeping, and by that I mean trying to define one specific gender-nonconforming group as "trans" while explaining drag queens, crossdressers, femboys, etc. as something completely different.
I feel like all gender non-conformance should be welcomed under the trans umbrella. We want people to be able to live happier lives by being their true selves, right? So then why would we want to rigidly define oiurselves in a way that makes it harder for people to do that?
Leslie Feinberg was more or less saying the same thing, might even be the originator lol, in like the 90s. I get why it started meaning more binary transition and then maybe opened up to anyone who had a gender expression other than what a doctor said at birth - but I think we should probably have it open up again too