this post was submitted on 03 Feb 2026
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Over the past week I've become increasingly fixated on getting genetic testing in vain hopes of revealing some kind of "You've been [meant to be] a girl all this time, dummy" marker. Unfortunately I know the likelihood of such a result is extremely slim, especially since I was perfectly fertile before HRT and most of those chromosomal anomalies tend to come with infertility.
And yeah I kinda realize the irony of bemoaning a lack of certainty when I've already chemically castrated myself and am pleased with the results, but that doesn't dispell the fantasy of getting a blood test that reads out positive for transing of gender
Sexgender in humans is (1) socially constructed (2) phenotypically, entirely mediated by hormones. You know you were meant to be a girl because being a girl doesn't make you recoil in horror. You are a woman because you have the body of a woman because you are a woman. Yes, the reasoning is circular. Why do we need proof that we are who we are but cis people just get to skate by on self-assertion? A woman with CAIS isn't any less of a woman. A man with an SRY translocation isn't any less of a man.
We learned exactly one thing from the human genome project: genes are destiny in the fuzziest possible way. Gonads aren't really destiny, either, especially not with widely available, effective hormonal treatments. Who give a shit? Why do we need that external validation for who we are? I'm just some weird trans lady on the internet but I can make a certificate or something suitable for framing. A gender diploma?
My own experience has been that given enough time it becomes an afterthought. I am me, I am a woman, anyone who doesn't grasp that is blind or does grasp it and is just being an asshole. Mostly the latter. And it's always been thus. It took a while to internalize this for myself but it's true.
Im just picturing myself fresh egg crack, still just dressing like a girl only at home, if I had taken a test to figure out if I had the Trans Genes (presupposing they exist) and if it came back negative - I wouldve taken a punk "fuck you Im a woman anyway" style attitude lol
Idk I just do I guess. I know I shouldn't but if someone scanned my brain and said "oh you've got XYZ in there that means you're a girl" I would be over the moon. Shove that in my mom's face. How's that for zebras?
Your mom falls into the "is blind" category, then. Mine took a couple of years to realize she had a daughter, but she figured it out. There's no gene, no biology, that'll ever change a transphobe's mind. Insert the Sartre quote about antisemites here.
At some point you're going to very visibly be a woman. You will be a woman socially, maybe legally, and eventually the transphobes in your life just look like doddering fools. Why are you calling your daughter, your son? Are you experiencing dementia?
There is no evidence good enough, especially not for family like that. You could wake up a literal zebra tomorrow and they'd still be calling you human. Either your people respect you for who you are, who you show yourself to be, or they're not actually your people. Transition puts into sharp focus who actually gives a shit about you and who was just tolerating you because you played a particular role for them. Now that you're not, they'll try and shove you back into that role. They're not worth keeping in your life. If they do realize what they're doing and why it's fucked they will come back and make amends.
I've seen 90+ year old grandmothers who were set in their ways accept their daughters for who they are. What excuse does anyone younger and of sound mind have?
After my mom got breast cancer she found a lot of solace in learning about medicine and best standards and protocols, such that it turned into her career now. So I do actually think she'd be 100% on board if I had the girl gene™. She might still come 'round without that. I wouldn't call her a transphobe, just, well, scared of what this means for me
I think Im feeling resistant towards this, and I shouldn't youre just feeling some stuff, because it does feel very transmedicalist and bioessentialist
Which I dont think is what youre doing!! I feel like my proverbial hockles are going up like a dog seeing a threat cause it feels so close to terf-style things.
There is no brain region and no external test, youre trans femme because you want it. And that freedom is scary and its exhilarating and joyful. I had a lot of confidence and "fuck off no one tells me what to do" in me when I transitioned and its only grown which is probably why I never wondered if there was a test
I know exactly what you're talking about, when I've talked to my therapist about some of this stuff I've prefaced it with "this makes me feel like a bad person/I hate saying this because it sounds like what a bigot would say" even if it's only hurting myself in that moment
But why would it matter if you had a positive or negative on such a test? If youre happier transing your gender you should, whether or not a test said you have the "genes" for it (I find a lot of take at home commercial tests highly dubious at best). I dont know if it was you or someone else here, but I also heard it from a different trans girl I know online who said the same thing - and I find it such a strange mindset. My confidence in my transness came from living as a woman and liking it a lot, and that built up with small steps like wearing girl clothes at home, wearing girl clothes under boy clothes, socially transitioning, HRT, now getting bottom surgery. I never needed a genetic test, I trusted my heart - but it does make me curious why people feel like they need some outside signal about it.
The idea of a trans gene or test was really important to me when I was early on in figuring out my gender. I knew it shouldn't matter, but it still felt like it would be really helpful.
Mid egg-crack brainworms
"Yes I'm disphoric and I would be happier living as a woman* and I hate being seen as a man, but do I feel those things strongly enough for it to count? Maybe if I were 'really trans' I would feel those things way more intensely, but I don't so I should just get over it. If only someone would use the transometer on me, and tell me whether or not to transition."At the time, the idea seemed comforting, but as I worked through my feelings, I've found it way more comforting that that doesn't, and pretty much couldn't, exist.
Well the first person I talked to about it was my mom 4 years ago and she basically said she thought I was wrong and much more likely I was just depressed and lonely and maybe she should've remarried when I was young to make sure I had a good male role model.
I think that turbocharged my extant self esteem and identity issues, and while it's gotten better and I even refer to myself as a woman sometimes I still feel the need to prove it "empirically" even if that's not really possible
The empirical test is if it makes you happy, does being a woman or trans femme happy? This is a more empirical test cause you fortunately have access to your mind and your feelings whereas everyone else has to take your word for it.
OCD shadowboxing
But what if I can't trust my thoughts? What if I only feel happier because this is giving me some sense of purpose or something to work towards, whereas I might've felt just as happy learning to skateboard or something?┻┻︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵┻┻ i hate having a brain
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Honestly, even if that were true, why would it matter?Cause it would mean this might not be right for me? And the idea of that horrifies me so I know that's not true. But it still nibbles at the edges of my brain
Would it mean it's not right for you? If you had learned to skateboard and that made you happy, would you need a medical test to prove you were meant to be a skateboarder?
Ugh no, but I still feel like it's different, even if I can't articulate it properly
Transitioning is absolutely a different thing than skateboarding in some ways, but I think the differences that matter are different than the ones you're worried about. I pressed you with one of the questions I got caught on a few years ago when I was wrestling with things that sound similar to what you've been saying. Over time as I've worked through my thoughts about being trans, being a person, and being a trans person, the things like this that worried me most at the time feel more and more like they don't need to be part of how anybody lives their life. I'd enjoy talking about it more if you want to.
So is that where you are with it now? That it doesn't really matter what's "right" or "meant" for you as long as you're happy?
Not that it doesn’t matter whether transition is “right” for someone, but that the idea of it being right or wrong doesn’t exist in any way that can be separated from a person’s satisfaction with the outcome. If someone transitions and that makes their life better, that’s the whole story. There’s no hidden answer waiting to be revealed about whether they were actually “supposed” to transition. Whatever biological comparisons or categorizations could be made about people who transition can only meaningfully be descriptive. They can’t actually separate which people are “meant” to transition.
For a while, that felt like a comforting lie I was telling myself, and I still worried that someday someone was going to prove I wasn’t actually trans and I was wrong to think I was. But with time and experience, I’ve come to accept that all that is literally true.
Cis men don't wonder if theyre trans like that or feel happy being women
This is why I'm totally against trans/gender gatekeeping, and by that I mean trying to define one specific gender-nonconforming group as "trans" while explaining drag queens, crossdressers, femboys, etc. as something completely different.
I feel like all gender non-conformance should be welcomed under the trans umbrella. We want people to be able to live happier lives by being their true selves, right? So then why would we want to rigidly define oiurselves in a way that makes it harder for people to do that?
Leslie Feinberg was more or less saying the same thing, might even be the originator lol, in like the 90s. I get why it started meaning more binary transition and then maybe opened up to anyone who had a gender expression other than what a doctor said at birth - but I think we should probably have it open up again too
It is pretty rare to find genetic signals that strong, there are tons of smaller genetic signals and very likely you have at least some of them. Idk how likely it is that you can pull a conclusion from it, like I've heard at least one marker basically all trans people have (but some cis people do too). And then there's things like issues with estrogen processing etc that point to the why... If you want when I get home I could message you some info, it's a bit expensive (few hundred dollars) and requires a lot of diy research. Haven't done mine yet but probably will eventually.
How far into hrt are you btw, still fairly early? From what I've seen a lot of the reason most people do genetic testing is to figure out better treatment plans, up to ofc I'm planning on spending the money eventually anyway for my own personal satisfaction.
12.5 months HRT, but only the last 2.5 have been injections. I guess I'm somewhat interested in knowing about the estrogen processing stuff