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submitted 10 months ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world
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[-] Spot@startrek.website 224 points 10 months ago

Far-right influencer Rogan O’Handley went so far as to suggest that if the Chiefs won the Super Bowl, Swift and Kelce would trigger an apocalyptic chain of events that would kill millions. “You MUST defeat the Chiefs,” O’Handley wrote in an X post addressed to the San Francisco 49ers. “If you don’t, Mr. Pfizer and his girlfriend are going to tour the country as ‘world champions’ helping elect Joe Biden WW3 will likely follow in a 2nd Biden term and millions will die. The fate of the free world rests upon your shoulders”

Just wow. Only a tidbit of the crazy they are spouting in this article.

[-] EmergMemeHologram@startrek.website 131 points 10 months ago

I don't get it.

Why would the cabal, the super influential group secretly controlling all our actions, need a football team to win the superbowl to defeat them, and why would they, in all their Machiavellian wisdom, not have considered the 50% chance event that their football team loses?

Why would they pick Biden for another term then start WW3? Why not just start it now if that's what they want and he's already their puppet? They've had 3 years and there's certainly enough political tinder in the world to start a fire.

None of this makes any coherent sense.

[-] EmergMemeHologram@startrek.website 59 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

You know what, I've thought about this some more and the reasoning is clear.

If the 49ers win, they'll inadvertantly resurrect Harvey Milk, who will kill JFK (who faked his own death and has been lying in wait), who will then be unable to reclaim the last months of his presidency (his term was never officially ended you know) which he planned to use to restore Donald Trump to power. Harvey Milk will then become president and make heterosexuality illegal and force us to live in 15 minute neighborhoods.

That must be their angle! They win either way!

[-] HonkTonkWoman@lemm.ee 27 points 10 months ago

There’s one key piece you’re missing, Joe Montana is actually resurrected Harvey Milk & has been this whole time.

This plan began back when Joe was winning Super Bowls, but Steve Young was an unexpected hiccup. The queer stopped spreading as fast when Joe got traded.

This Superbowl has been chosen specifically because Montana played for both the Chiefs & the 49ers, & because Joe Montana is also Taylor Swift.

They were going to do it 4 years ago, but Joe was still Arianna Grande back then.

It’ll all make sense when Andy Reid eats Travis Kelce during halftime.

[-] Chuymatt@kbin.social 15 points 10 months ago

Unfortunately, this is still tracking easier than whatever that word salad was up above.

[-] prowess2956@kbin.social 13 points 10 months ago

Excuse my ignorance, but is there something going around about 15-minute neighborhoods? Someone pretty kooky mentioned something about that to me just today (in relation to Chattanooga, I think, but I didn't exactly follow the crazy train of thought). Something about how they're monitoring everyone and they can't take more than 100 trips outside that zone or something. I know it's all nonsense but there's also usually some tie back into reality.

[-] Spot@startrek.website 14 points 10 months ago

The abilities of some to twist and misconstrue almost everything is almost impressive. Anytime anything might be helpful to society, they come up with conspiracies and ways it must be for evil.

I don't have, and never planned on having, any kids but, I always vote for and push for education. It is scary what large numbers of ignorant people can accomplish.

[-] frezik@midwest.social 11 points 10 months ago

This is how things work now. Every idea we come up with to marginally improve society will be met with completely invented bullshit.

[-] Spot@startrek.website 11 points 10 months ago

I found this USA Today https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/factcheck/2023/04/10/fact-check-false-claim-15-minute-cities-lock-down-residents/11593351002/

From a snippet:

Moreno said the posts are inaccurate and misconstrue the nature of the urban planning framework.

"The 15-minute city is the opposite of lockdown," Moreno said. "The 15-minute city is an open and connected city, which balances the differences in access to services."

The framework does not limit residents' ability to leave their neighborhoods or access services in other areas of the city.

“All citizens are free to go where they want," Moreno said. "There are no constraints.”

[-] prowess2956@kbin.social 10 points 10 months ago

Thank you for this! I figured it was the usual mix of 1) a term based in reality, 2) a dash of sci-fi / dystopian tale, and 3) a whole ton of crazy.

[-] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 11 points 10 months ago

Yeah the conspiratorial right claims they’re a way to trap people into restricted zones 15 minutes across

[-] EmergMemeHologram@startrek.website 1 points 10 months ago

Sadly yes, there are a bunch of conspiracy theories around them.

[-] InvaderDJ@lemmy.world 21 points 10 months ago

It's because so much conspiracy theory requires the conspirators to be simultaneously all powerful but hilariously weak and stupid. And all their plans have to be announced and hinted at through pop culture and in ways that are suspiciously similar to popular movies and TV shows as remembered by people with no media literacy.

[-] brbposting@sh.itjust.works 4 points 10 months ago

Brilliantly coded reference to Nicki Minaj (“it’s the butt have culture people“), “rapper” and illuminatiarian with 5G cheek implants controlling society via the minds of our youth. Didn’t expect to be so enlightened in this thread.

[-] oce@jlai.lu 5 points 10 months ago

Because they need people not to know until all the stars are aligned and then nobody can stop it anymore! Unless some hero changes the course of history by telling everyone and saves the world!

[-] dejected_warp_core@lemmy.world 4 points 10 months ago

$0.02:

Optimistically: they're just crazy. Some have access to a louder bullhorn than others, but it's just garden variety insanity.

Pessimistically: someone has a huge pile of cash riding on the outcome of the game, and is making a Hail Mary pass of their own to sway the outcome.

[-] ZeroTemp@lemmy.world 1 points 10 months ago

This is my response to all conspiracy theories. If this deep state cabal is so powerful, and has access to unlimited resources to achieve their agenda, wouldn't it be easier to just declare martial law and send the deep state army in to drag us all into the streets, point a gun at our heads and say comply or die? Why the theatrics? Is the deep state the Joker? Why not just shoot Batman in the head and be done with it?

[-] Sabata11792@kbin.social 59 points 10 months ago

Trump sycophant Laura Loomer wrote on X that “the Democrats’ Taylor Swift election interference psyop is happening in the open… They are going to use Taylor Swift as the poster child for their pro-abortion GOTV Campaign.”

This shit sounds like deepfried AI hallucinations, but I know people are actually that dumb.

[-] Drunemeton@lemmy.world 22 points 10 months ago

Remember every accusation is a confession…

[-] M137@lemmy.world 6 points 10 months ago

And they'll somehow always find ways to bring you to a loss for words even when you expect the absolutely deepest level of stupidity and craziness you can imagine. These past handful of years have just been a constant shattering of expectations of how dumb and fucked up people manage to be. And 90% of it is coming from right-wing fanatics.

[-] Sabata11792@kbin.social 2 points 10 months ago

Normal people are not equipped for the power of the internet.

[-] PrincessLeiasCat@sh.itjust.works 47 points 10 months ago

millions will die

Didn’t seem to care about that too much during Covid, not sure why it’s a problem for him now.

[-] lemmylommy@lemmy.world 38 points 10 months ago

If the guy is endorsing a team from San Francisco, the capital of libruls and the gay, he must be part of the conspiracy.

[-] pachrist@lemmy.world 9 points 10 months ago

Absolutely. If anyone is going to stop socialism, Jewish space lasers, and the San Francisco 49ers, it's a guy from Kansas with a mustache and his blonde country singer girlfriend.

Really feels like conservatives picked the wrong side here?

[-] Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 19 points 10 months ago

Why are there people so convinced that football, or the outcome of any sporting event, matters at all? Like I know that this is just some media manipulators trying to stir people up, but I also fully believe that they will succeed and that the number of people who will find this argument compelling will be depressing (though who knows, maybe humanity will have a pleasant surprise).

[-] fsxylo@sh.itjust.works 12 points 10 months ago

Main character syndrome. They all think they're God's chosen, but they all also secretly believe that they are God's chosen-er

[-] emergencyfood@sh.itjust.works 2 points 10 months ago

Why are there people so convinced that football, or the outcome of any sporting event, matters at all?

The World Cup defeat that lost an election

[-] superduperenigma@lemmy.world 7 points 10 months ago

“You MUST defeat the Chiefs,” O’Handley wrote in an X post addressed to the San Francisco 49ers. “If you don’t, Mr. Pfizer and his girlfriend are going to tour the country as ‘world champions’ helping elect Joe Biden WW3 will likely follow in a 2nd Biden term and millions will die. The fate of the free world rests upon your shoulders”

But hey, no pressure or anything guys.

[-] someguy3@lemmy.world 6 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

I don't get it, do the Chiefs have Swift and Kelce as spokespeople or something? Why would they tour with Chiefs, if that's what they're saying.

[-] JJROKCZ@lemmy.world 16 points 10 months ago

Travis Kelce plays for the chiefs, Taylor and Travis are dating. Taylor is present at many chiefs games and almost surely will be at the Super Bowl. Taylor is very outspoken about the need to vote, rarely if ever says who to vote for but presses the need to have your voice heard. Republicans and other fascists know that their policies are wildly unpopular, especially with the youth, and so hate the idea of anyone encouraging the youth or anyone else to vote and possibly outnumber the hateful citizens that normally vote for republicans

[-] someguy3@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago

Had to look up this Kelce fellow. He has earrings? Oh noooo (for right wingers).

[-] PlasticExistence@lemmy.world 6 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Your mistake is trying to understand crazy

[-] slurpeesoforion@startrek.website 6 points 10 months ago

It reads like someone parodying schizophrenia.

[-] SVcross@lemmy.world 2 points 10 months ago

I don't want what he is having.

this post was submitted on 29 Jan 2024
830 points (95.9% liked)

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