116

Like he's probably in his moms basement, laying in bed, thinking "fuck I didn't expect to get this far."

That or frantically looking up Gray Hounds to Mexico.

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[-] cosecantphi@hexbear.net 83 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Given the circumstances I'm sure he's a nervous wreck right now, but I hope the widespread celebration of his deed is at least taking the edge off for him.

Really hope our guy gets away with it, without his identity the media won't be able to tear him down and smear him and spin this all as some sort of personal and isolated event. Escaping like a ghost is pretty much the best an adventurer can hope to achieve. If the guy is never found he'll likely end up a big inspiration for copycat cases.

Just really hope he didn't have his phone on him

[-] kristina@hexbear.net 36 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

police claim he left a cellphone in an alley but its not known if its identifying at all. its def not good cause it didnt look like he was wearing gloves. though hey maybe they make fancy fake silicone gloves that make it look like you arent. bamboozled

[-] mudpuppy@hexbear.net 33 points 3 weeks ago

it's a weird claim. it seems unlikely that he would just leave his phone there. and i think they've gotten into it by now, and if it was his, they would have released info from it.

[-] HamManBad@hexbear.net 41 points 3 weeks ago

Yeah maybe they're just setting up a plan B if they can't find anything on this guy. Someone is going to go down for this

[-] SoyViking@hexbear.net 28 points 3 weeks ago

Someone dropped a phone in an alley. How do they even know it was Bike Man's?

[-] Isopod_Activities@hexbear.net 77 points 3 weeks ago

The shooter returns to his apartment, slamming the door behind him and pressing his back against it, his limbs spread wide apart as if to brace the door as his wide eyes turn to the startled faces of his three roommates in the dingy living room of his Brooklyn apartment.

"Guys, I did a thing," he says. Laugh track, end scene.

[-] ManFreakBeast@hexbear.net 43 points 3 weeks ago

Nick and Stav are halfway through a pizza, when they look over to a sweaty Adam slouching in the doorway.

Stav: "What the fuck dude?"

[-] shath@hexbear.net 10 points 3 weeks ago
[-] HexReplyBot@hexbear.net 1 points 3 weeks ago

I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:

[-] Mardoniush@hexbear.net 66 points 3 weeks ago

I hope he's stepping of the plane somewhere where the cocktails are cold, the sun is warm, and the weather is always No Extradition Treaty.

[-] Sam@hexbear.net 36 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

That is the way to do it, right? Dump the bike in Central park, change clothes and just immediately head for JFK.

[-] newmou@hexbear.net 56 points 3 weeks ago

He’s hopping onto Hexbear and being like “oh man that guy is so cool”

[-] kota@hexbear.net 16 points 3 weeks ago
[-] sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 3 points 2 weeks ago

He could be any of us

[-] mudpuppy@hexbear.net 55 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

i think hes choking on bong hits and cranking his entire hog and watching the news with all the other epic assassins. and cleaning his pistol for the first time in ten years

[-] ManFreakBeast@hexbear.net 57 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

That or they're smashing rn, there's a bunch e-gals on Twitter lusting after them, dudes a rock star (cw: horny)

[-] ChestRockwell@hexbear.net 51 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

VOLCEL POLICE, PLEASE SAVE THE COOL GUN PERSON FROM HONEYPOTS

volcel-kamala

Just realized do we know the gender? Ofc they could be any kind of sexuality and this e girl might appeal to them, but still, regardless, horrible opsec if you do that.

[-] ManFreakBeast@hexbear.net 29 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Just realized do we know the gender?

Fair point, edited

But hey I'm sure there's hot e guys and NBs horny for them too.

[-] ChestRockwell@hexbear.net 20 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Oh yeah and it wasn't at all in a "misgendering" way, just don't want erasure if somehow the shooter was a trans supersoldier or something. Like who knows, right? They were masked etc. Obviously the odds are it's a dude (also if the shooter were trans it would be super bad for our trans comrades so I'm hoping it's just a dude too)

[-] mudpuppy@hexbear.net 18 points 3 weeks ago

there was a trans school shooter and it didn't really change the conversation, bigots are gonna hate no matter what, i don't think it matters. they're still going on about bathroom predators despite it being a complete non issue, i don't think they care what's actually happening in the world.

[-] propter_hog@hexbear.net 10 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

And also white and also an American citizen by birth and also a republican

[-] propter_hog@hexbear.net 11 points 3 weeks ago

I sure as fuck am

[-] VOLCEL_POLICE@hexbear.net 14 points 3 weeks ago

The VOLCEL POLICE are on the scene! PLEASE KEEP YOUR VITAL ESSENCES TO YOURSELVES AT ALL TIMES.

نحن شرطة VolCel.بناءا على تعليمات الهيئة لترويج لألعاب الفيديو و النهي عن الجنس نرجوا الإبتعاد عن أي أفكار جنسية و الحفاظ على حيواناتكم المنويَّة حتى يوم الحساب. اتقوا الله، إنك لا تراه لكنه يراك.

volcel-police

[-] mudpuppy@hexbear.net 39 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

yeah i wanna fuck the shooter crazy style im down for absolutely anything

[-] ManFreakBeast@hexbear.net 27 points 3 weeks ago

Damn, maybe I should [redacted]

[-] glimmer_twin@hexbear.net 12 points 3 weeks ago

This is clearly a honeypot trying to get other people to commit these “crimes”

[-] tactical_trans_karen@hexbear.net 53 points 3 weeks ago

Wherever he is, may he sleep well tonight.

[-] GalaxyBrain@hexbear.net 31 points 3 weeks ago

No way he will, are you kidding? Best luck regardless.

[-] ShimmeringKoi@hexbear.net 18 points 3 weeks ago

a professional kill kit with melatonin in it

[-] elpaso@hexbear.net 8 points 3 weeks ago

And a nice juicy edible

[-] TerminalEncounter@hexbear.net 53 points 3 weeks ago
[-] AmericaDelendaEst@hexbear.net 51 points 3 weeks ago

I hope he's in another state chillin and vibin, maxin and relaxin

[-] miz@hexbear.net 36 points 3 weeks ago

chewing a big wad of qat in Yemen

[-] FunkyStuff@hexbear.net 45 points 3 weeks ago

Probably in the Hexbear movie night and I hope he enjoyed it as much as we did.

[-] oscardejarjayes@hexbear.net 38 points 3 weeks ago
[-] Belly_Beanis@hexbear.net 39 points 3 weeks ago

Ulysses is still inactive I think.

[-] kristina@hexbear.net 26 points 3 weeks ago

ulyssesT is coming for more ghouls he cant stop

[-] propter_hog@hexbear.net 17 points 3 weeks ago

At least now we know why

started-blasting

[-] ShimmeringKoi@hexbear.net 20 points 3 weeks ago

What if the backpack contained lycra biking clothes, and he just kept on biking with no one the wiser?

[-] Spike@hexbear.net 18 points 3 weeks ago

record scratch, freeze frame, Yep, that's me. You're probably wondering how I got here.

this post was submitted on 05 Dec 2024
116 points (100.0% liked)

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