this post was submitted on 03 May 2025
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"It's... Only a ... flesh wound...Sir." immediately dies

The 90s as much I have experienced it was a violent time for movies, every action movie that was coming to the market was loud, obscenely loud even if it didn't start that way. So I admit I was kind of hesitant about Small Soldiers at first, I feared it would be just another edgy violent movie with children who would get absolutely brutally blown to bits for laughs and it might have been but according to Wikipedia, while Joe Dante was going to make a edgy violent film he was told to make it more kid-friendly after the shoot was complete, which resulted in many severe changes to the tone as well as keeping many of the action scenes intact, creating a film that was sort-of a bit of both....and it works!

If you have not seen it before, simply put: "a toy company makes toys with military chips inside them and intends to sell them to the market, a kid gets a few early models and they come to life and they want to killllll" that's basically all you need to know.

I loved it. One of the best action-comedy movies I have ever seen, it's so well realized that every little thing you see on the screen has a purpose, the characters are at first glance stinking stereotypes of stories we have seen before but before long you actually seem them doing things that you wouldn't have expected the filmmakers to go to the length to do. Kristen Dunst beating Barbie dolls with a stick and actually enjoying it blew my mind because I thought she was gonna be another Mary Jane/damsel in distress character. The performances are all funny but the real stars of the show, the real comedy, comes from the action figures and the mythology that this movie built for them.

On one side we have Commando Elites, toys reflecting military and conquering nature, ruthless, calculated and violent and on the other side we have the Gorgonites, a peaceful race of aliens that are just trying to find their home. As the Gorgonite leader says multiple times, "They are programmed to lose." Seeing these toys acting and believing in their mythologies, the commandoes belting out one cliched military quote after an other as the toys march to the "enemy's stronghold" is just so much fun

The movie also has amazing music, most of it from using classic compositions like Rise of the Valkyries or Zarathustra and it all makes the threat seem more serious even if it is ridiculous, all that and some really great pop culture songs give Small Soldiers a tone of good-natured fun seriousness. It knows it's stupid, the plot is stupid but it completely head over heels commits to that and that's what I find so rare in films these days and so compelling in this one.

The action scenes are well-directed, a new threat coming at every turn causing the characters to improvise does a lot of good in making the film engaging and fun. I loved whenever the toys said something or did something because of how serious they are about it and it made me laugh a lot

To be honest, I wasn't sure at the start if it was gonna be something special or just another "blow everything up" 90's action movie but with really fun direction, set pieces, characters, this movie ends up having a lot of charm, action and heart. By the third act, I was giggling and saying "you're just a dumb toy, why are you doing that?!" Hahah

Overral: 8/10 an amazing surprise and a genuinely good film, while it may not be as serious as a cinematic work by some auteur direction, Small Soldiers does a lot that makes movies worth watching in the first place: it's fun and you leave it feeling awesome

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[–] KnilAdlez@hexbear.net 20 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I love this movie as a kid! "I am archer, emissary of the Gorgonites" is a verbal tic for me to this day. The cast is great too. David Cross, Phil Hartman, Tommy Lee Jones and so on. The mix of practical toys and CGI was also pretty cool for 1998. My favorite character was Ocula.

[–] Legendsofanus@lemmy.ml 12 points 3 weeks ago

yesss everyone was so good and the monsters designs were creative and imaginative as opposed to the humanoid yet ridiculous figures of Commando Elites. Such good fun

[–] Dirt_Owl@hexbear.net 19 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Small Soldiers SLAPPED. I wanted an Archer doll as a kid but they were too expensive.

[–] regul@hexbear.net 19 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

I saw this when it came out (I was the target audience: an 8 year-old boy). I got my parents to buy me so many of the toys. I think I remember even getting the "novelization" from the Scholastic book fair.

It was extremely my shit then. I wonder how it would go over for me now.

[–] Legendsofanus@lemmy.ml 14 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Lucky for you, I didn't even know it existed until this week when I heard about it and even then I was afraid it would go over me lol

[–] regul@hexbear.net 9 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I only learned it was Joe Dante this year I think from RLM.

[–] Legendsofanus@lemmy.ml 8 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] regul@hexbear.net 8 points 3 weeks ago

Red Letter Media.

YouTube movie guys. They love Joe Dante.

[–] Horse@lemmygrad.ml 11 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

me too!
did you play the ps1 game too? it was sick as hell

[–] regul@hexbear.net 9 points 3 weeks ago

I didn't. We had an N64.

[–] Wildfire0Straggler3@lemm.ee 18 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I loved this movie back when I was a kid! The real toy story.

[–] Legendsofanus@lemmy.ml 14 points 3 weeks ago

I haven't seen any Toy Story yet except bits of the third one on TV as kids, this is the real Toy Story indeed xD

[–] Nakoichi@hexbear.net 16 points 3 weeks ago

We need to have a watch party for this, it is definitely an underrated gem of 90s genre slop.

[–] MaoTheLawn@hexbear.net 16 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (2 children)

One of the scenes in it even references the US capturing Manuel Noriega - when they all pull up outside a base with giant speakers and play music to psychologically torture the humans:

https://youtu.be/08vYJXpxifg

"Operation Nifty Package was a United States Delta Force and Navy SEAL-operated plan conducted in 1989 designed to capture Panamanian leader Manuel Noriega. When Noriega took refuge in the Apostolic Nunciature of the Holy See (diplomatic quarter), deafening music and other psychological warfare tactics were used to convince him to exit and surrender himself."

[–] Legendsofanus@lemmy.ml 10 points 3 weeks ago

Those toys really knew their military stuff

[–] HexReplyBot@hexbear.net 1 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:

[–] Waldoz53@hexbear.net 16 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

its got one of my fav phil hartman lines that i say way too often lol https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybOeKKabVj4

[–] HexReplyBot@hexbear.net 3 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:

[–] Awoo@hexbear.net 15 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I swear this movie re airs at christmas practically every year, I end up catching little bits of it in between being forced to engage family.

[–] Legendsofanus@lemmy.ml 14 points 3 weeks ago

I have stopped watching movies on TV completely, we still have a CRT lmao and I miss catching bits of movies and wondering what the hell is going on haha

[–] tombruzzo@hexbear.net 14 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I need to rewatch this. There was also a Small Soldiers game that was kind of like a top-down strategy game I played once as a kid and need to find again.

[–] Legendsofanus@lemmy.ml 9 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

If u have a library that supports it then it's on Hoopla right now, good luck!

[–] tombruzzo@hexbear.net 6 points 3 weeks ago

I'll acquire it through 'other avenues' but it's worth a revisit

[–] Le_Wokisme@hexbear.net 14 points 3 weeks ago

i remember wanting to see this as a kid and my parents wouldn't take me. i should watch it.

RIP Phil Hartman

[–] CredibleBattery@hexbear.net 13 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Hell yeah i loved this shit. did you see the proof-of-concept they made with Unreal 5?

[–] Legendsofanus@lemmy.ml 8 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Is it going to be turned into a real game?

[–] CredibleBattery@hexbear.net 8 points 3 weeks ago

no clue tbh, they just dropped this and peaced out since

[–] HexReplyBot@hexbear.net 3 points 3 weeks ago

I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:

[–] ChaosMaterialist@hexbear.net 13 points 3 weeks ago

It does a great job of dressing up a horror movie (toys rise up and hunt the humans) in just enough camp it didn't scare us as kids. This movie is definitely a gem.

[–] AernaLingus@hexbear.net 13 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Huh, I remember seeing the trailers for this back in the day but I never actually got the chance to watch it. I'll throw it onto the list!

[–] Legendsofanus@lemmy.ml 13 points 3 weeks ago

It's on Hoopla right now, that's how I watched it. If you have a library card and your library supports it then Hoopla is an amazing grounded for a lot of 90s and older films, that's where I watched Braveheart as well

[–] RedWizard@hexbear.net 13 points 3 weeks ago

You should read up about Phil Heartman's death and how they finished this movie. The last half (?) Of the movie cobbles together clips and soundbites of him just to get it finished.

[–] thelastaxolotl@hexbear.net 12 points 3 weeks ago

Oh yea i remember watching reruns of it back when i was a kid, it was pretty fun to me it was like a serious life-action toy story

[–] NephewAlphaBravo@hexbear.net 11 points 3 weeks ago

huh, I know I've seen this but it's been a million years and I remember nothing, I'd probably get a kick out of it

[–] Belly_Beanis@hexbear.net 11 points 3 weeks ago

"Techno crap" has been part of my vocabulary ever since this movie came out.

[–] came_apart_at_Kmart@hexbear.net 11 points 3 weeks ago

an incredible detail is that the Gorgonite "enemy" was originally a distinct proposed toyline of educational, peaceful toys to promote learning and environmental engagement. but the asshole exec was only focused on the military toys and observed "they need someone to fight" so they approved their construction and made them the enemy target of the military toys due to their unconventional appearance and targeted them for genocide.

very poignant.

[–] TheWolfOfSouthEnd@hexbear.net 9 points 3 weeks ago

Went the pictures to see this for my mates birthday. It was great.

[–] Dessa@hexbear.net 8 points 3 weeks ago

I hated this movie so much. I don't remember why, but I loathed it

[–] PaulSmackage@hexbear.net 4 points 3 weeks ago

I remember seeing the posters at my local theatre when it first came out. Absolutely a blast for scratching that "i need to feel like a kid again" itch.

[–] JoeByeThen@hexbear.net 3 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] HexReplyBot@hexbear.net 1 points 3 weeks ago

I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy: