Jail is basically my retirement plan if all else fails (and it probably will)
this post was submitted on 07 Jun 2025
612 points (97.4% liked)
Not The Onion
16768 readers
1469 users here now
Welcome
We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!
The Rules
Posts must be:
- Links to news stories from...
- ...credible sources, with...
- ...their original headlines, that...
- ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”
Please also avoid duplicates.
Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.
And that’s basically it!
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
What he did was hand the clerk a note that said: "This is a bank robbery, please only give me one dollar." Then, as he later told the local NBC news station, he calmly sat in the corner of the bank having told the clerk: "I'll be sitting right over there in the chair waiting for the police."
...
He invited the paper to send a reporter to interview him in Gaston county jail, where he is now in custody facing charges of stealing from a person (for just $1 the prosecutors didn't think they could hold up a bank robbery charge).
He told the paper he had lost his job after 17 years as a Coca-Cola delivery man, and with it his health insurance. He was in increasing pain from slipped discs, arthritic joints, a gammy foot and a growth on his chest.
Since being in the jail he has attained his goal: he has been seen by nurses and an appointment with a doctor is booked.
Gaston County jail
So strange to see my home county mentioned on the Internet, had to double-take.
Greatest country on earth!!!!
*terms and conditions apply
**must be rich, white, straight and a man to have a chance to win
mostly rich though.
Spoken in a sped-up voice
Healthcare is such a basic human right. Single payer for all (Medicare) should be our priority. The wealthy look at everything as theirs. Anything that needs to be done in society is "why should I pay for that?" I have a friend who makes a lot of money and he said that people who work hard should be rewarded and I asked him if he meant people who work hard or if he meant people who earn a lot of money and he didn't know what to say.
Why should the poor subsidize their income with our labor?
Edit for clarity: If the rich do not want to subsidize basic human rights then the poor should not subsidize the bank accounts of the wealthy.
I’m fucking poor bro. I’m not gonna ever be on team money.
I think we should be subsidizing people's poor reading comprehension.
Why should the poor subsidize their income with our labor?
the poor ... our = us
their = the rich
This commenter was asking for someone to try and justify why we (the working class) should have our labor contribute to the income of people whose existence is based on exploiting others. A perfectly reasonable question.
I could have used clearer language. It was just a misunderstanding.
Homie came to bat for the working man straight up. I can’t fault that ever.
Turns out you're so pro-poor, even your grammar is poor. :P
Because they didn't choose to be born poor and probably work harder than you. Any other questions?
I don’t think my vibe came through. It’s a response to the friend you mentioned who doesn’t want to pay for healthcare.
“Why should we pay for their healthcare?”
Because it’s far more humane than the poor subsidizing the bank accounts of the mega rich with our labor and getting as little as possible in return.
Oh yeah, I definitely missed it. Thought you meant why are the poor getting things for "our labor"
I'm also not the one who mentioned the friend, but that's unimportant
I’m also not totally sober. Love you all.
Me neither, have had a couple gins and tonic. Decided to try raspberry gin with lemon bitter tonic. Awesome
Not on topic, just wanted to tell you that was one of the nicest conservations I've red online. Good on you for being so understanding and cute.
And coming from a country with universal healthcare it should totally be a human right everywhere. I hope one day the working class in the USA will win!
their income
whose income? the rich friend's income? or the people needing healthcare?
Sadly about 40-50% of the population are MAGA, which believe they are all temporarily inconvenienced billionaires. Any day now that MAGA person is going to get lots of money (probably the lottery) and they dont want the pay all those taxes ... so they sit in their trailer park with their MAGA hat and "Let's Go Brandon" bumper sticker just waiting to go vote how the billionaires of "team money" tell them to.
With a few notable exceptions (such as medicine), the more financially rewarding the job, the less hard you have to work. In fact, that’s the whole point of getting a career! By cultivating some rare skillset, you can do less work for more money. People don’t go into finance or consulting to “work hard.”
yup. that's why people can be CEO of multiple companies. They don't do anything.
again?
(2011)
... oh. um, ok
Still relevant 14 years later, just like the hit show at the time where a high school chemistry teacher cooks and sells meth to pay for his cancer treatments.
Did anyone go "Wtf is wrong with the system" when that show came out? Because I don't remember that happening. Of course I'm from Europe lol
Everyone in the US who isn’t a finacial apex predator bitches about the medical system. The public murder of a medical insurance executive was a politically unifying event. Change is nearly impossible because we’re being held hostage by media, politicians, and giant corporations who profit from our current system and bitter partisanship.
Nobody likes the system but it's all politicized in one way another depending on your preferred media bubble's spin method, just like anything else.
You used to be able to get health care by stealing $1, but now you have to kill an insurance CEO.
Well, only if you’re going for style points.
It'd be hilarious if Luigi got healthcare because of that. Especially if it's with UHC.
The US treats its people worse than its prisoners. And I bet some idiots out there think it means they should start treating their prisoners worse.
I get your point, but the US prison system is also really horrible. Healthcare is terrible and prisoners have a very high chance of dying from lack of proper treatment. Every year in prison lowers your life expectancy by two years (source).
Tbf that happens out of jail, too.
Yep, and that applies even without any existing health concerns going in. Better hope you don't develop any while living under those conditions.
I'm T1 diabetic, and have an unfortunately reasonable expectation that even a week spent in jail back in the US could very easily turn into a death sentence. It does happen with depressing regularity. That's just looking at one very straightforward (and easily treatable) chronic condition, and a couple of fairly recent examples which have gotten more publicity than most such cases ever will. It's a mess.
Unfortunately that is not even close to true. I get what you mean but prisons are . . . not great. People regularly die of neglect in jails. Prisons are slightly better than that, but it costs 50x more.
People regularly die of neglect out in the streets, where everyone can see them, as well.
Yes but “the streets” don’t have a legally mandated staff whose job it is to check on people.
The US treats its people worse than its prisoners.
And that's while treating their prisoners horribly.
Years ago, I have read that Mongolian street children in the capital, Ulan Bataar, would intentionally steal to get arrested so that they would have a warm place to stay during the cold nights in Mongolia.
America has now stooped this low.
I always wondered why more homeless people didn't do this in the us
They do, but it has to be pretty serious because you are signing up to be tortured for an unspecified length of time as well.
Private healthcare and the punitive, draconian nature of our "legal system" work in tandem. If either were fixed then the other would lose their leverage.
Yea... Why wouldn't someone want to be imprisoned, so strange
I mean, if the outside is absolutely freezing (and people have died of hypothermia already), and you have to rummage garbage bins for food, Why not?
Some choose death over subjugation.
I hear this has happened in Japan as well. Some elderly folks without family stage stickups for a good meal and a place to stay. What a fucking world we live in.
Creative debt bondage
This weirdly feels like it'd be a good movie, sort of like Dog Day Afternoon. "The One Dollar Bank Heist"
That must be a good State.
Most State prisons will torture and starve you until you die. You can buy food and soap at outrageous surcharges.
Dang George Carling looks fucked up! Ever since he died he hasn't said anything. Not one joke. Not even an utterance. A limerick about Jesus! Fuck no! No riddles or really cute stories about poo bear or the stupid train Thomas the dumbass. But seriously, if he was alive he would look just like that because of everything that's been happening. Reminds me of the "fucking dog" bit...thrown up on the counter with us asking for another god dammed Georgy.