this post was submitted on 02 Dec 2025
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badposting

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Ever had a really shitty bit idea? Joke you want to take way past the point of where it was funny? Want to feel like a stand-up comedy guy who's been bombing a set for the past 30 minutes straight and at this point is just saying shit to see if people react to it? Really bad pun? A homemade cringe concoction? A cognitohazard that you have birthed into this world and have an urge to spread like chain mail?


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[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 29 points 3 months ago (1 children)

He's real and he's also a class traitor bourgeoise pig and I'm working within the elves to unionize and overthrow the Claus regime.

[–] segfault11@hexbear.net 16 points 3 months ago

he got me a 2DS that year i wanted a 3DS so his fascist ass can face the wall for all i care

[–] DragonBallZinn@hexbear.net 18 points 3 months ago

Santa Denial is the 12th form of liberalism and gets you gulag’d.

[–] FunkyStuff@hexbear.net 17 points 3 months ago (1 children)

We are going to arrest him.

[–] FunkyStuff@hexbear.net 14 points 3 months ago

His existence notwithstanding.

[–] CrispyFern@hexbear.net 16 points 3 months ago

Idk I fucked him first tho

[–] William_Nilliam@hexbear.net 15 points 3 months ago (1 children)

norad follows him wherever he goes so he must be doing something right

[–] DelgadoSlims@hexbear.net 12 points 3 months ago (2 children)

This is correct. If Santa Claus is real, capitalist governments would be incentivized to stop him to protect the retail market. Like how they sprayed kerosene on the oranges in Grapes of Wrath

[–] Cat_Daddy@hexbear.net 7 points 3 months ago

Best argument I've ever heard against the existence of both santa claus and god

[–] William_Nilliam@hexbear.net 4 points 3 months ago

Nightmare before Christmas is the most accurate depiction of how the west would treat Santa Claus

[–] Keld@hexbear.net 12 points 3 months ago

The yugoslav communist government introduced a new father christmas to replace the one tainted by capitalism. Which means that Slovenia now has 3 father Christmases

[–] Rom@hexbear.net 12 points 3 months ago

Santa Claus gets the wall.

[–] HarryLime@hexbear.net 11 points 3 months ago

Whenever I asked my parents whether Santa existed they would just say "Santa is the spirit of Christmas" which was infuriating because it's not at all an answer to the question.

[–] Dort_Owl@hexbear.net 11 points 3 months ago

We are going to let the elves decide his fate

[–] DylanMc6@hexbear.net 9 points 3 months ago (1 children)

santa may or may NOT be real, it depends

[–] EstraDoll@hexbear.net 9 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

shouldn't we have a more resolute, principled, and clear stance on such a divisive issue?

[–] DylanMc6@hexbear.net 7 points 3 months ago

santa is a jolly old person who's very angry at the fact that christmas has become a very commercial and consumerist holiday?

[–] Acute_Engles@hexbear.net 9 points 3 months ago

Afaik it's still tim allen

[–] moss_icon@hexbear.net 8 points 3 months ago

He’s real and he’s getting sent to the gulags once we get the elves to bring the revolution to the North Pole

[–] Guamer@hexbear.net 6 points 3 months ago

Not only does he exist, but he's also gay. And I ain't talkin' about "happy".

[–] Euergetes@hexbear.net 6 points 3 months ago

Santa Claus is real, he's bourgeois, and he owes me fucking money

[–] Carl@hexbear.net 4 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

There are two Saint Nicholas'. One is a jolly elf who gives toys to children, the other is a corporate mascot invented by Coca Cola in the 1950s.

[–] CliffordBigRedDog@hexbear.net 4 points 3 months ago

Hes not real but if he is we should kill him

[–] SweatySteven@hexbear.net 4 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Santa is one of the angels God sent down to Sodom and Gomorrah to see if anyone was worth saving. Santa was just hanging out on Earth for the most part but, after a while, boredom and loneliness set in. So after long time of doing nothing, Jesus came and did the whole eternal salvation gimmick. Santa, who was envious of Jesus for getting a religion named after him, decided to capitalize off of Jesus' hard work and wanted a piece of the action. Unlike Jesus, however, he wasn't willing to be a martyr. So he used his present-making magic and, instead of giving salvation to all who deserved it, he gave presents to all who deserved them.

Biblical scholars believe the other angel sent down to Sodom and Gomorrah was probably Joan of Arc. Her jealousy was also about on par with Santa. A fun fact about Joan of Arc is that before she was martyred, she tried to start a religion by adding another testament to the Abrahamic faith, similar to the mormons. However, hats weren't invented at that time, so there was nothing to read religious texts out of. Instead, frustrated with a lack of a following, she invented a backstory and got martyred and canonized.

[–] Maturin@hexbear.net 2 points 3 months ago

However, hats weren't invented at that time, so there was nothing to read religious texts out of

data-laughing

[–] SchillMenaker@hexbear.net 3 points 3 months ago

He's real and he's a fucking Trot

[–] chgxvjh@hexbear.net 2 points 3 months ago

Patron saint of prostitutes