I miss the days when satire was fake
this post was submitted on 12 Feb 2026
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politics
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This guy does not believe in germ theory, he believes in TERRAIN Theory. So of coarse he is not scared of germs.
According to terrain theory, germs don’t cause disease – it’s your body’s failure to maintain internal purity. If you’re healthy enough, pathogens can’t hurt you.
https://sciencebasedmedicine.org/your-terrain-your-fault-germ-theory-denial-2025/
Good thing I ate all that dirt as a child, got my body terrain boosted early!
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Hey! As an aside - "of coarse" is incorrect, you're looking for "of course" :)
"Coarse" refers to the size of particulates like how big each piece of sand is. Coarse is larger bits of sand, making it rougher.
The body has a way of shutting it down. Especially if its illegitimate rape.
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He still does, but he used to too.
Mitch Hedberg has entered the chat
The guy who got brain worms by eating roadkill isn’t afraid of germs?!? No way.
The onion can't compete with this
They are having a hard time finding a implausible story.
The point of satire is that it's plausible.
Ive done more cocaine than the average person, sadly, and I’ve been in some wild circles. Never have I snorted cocaine from a toilet seat. The cistern sure but the seat come on bro.
Exactly. The back of the toilet—sure. Very common. It’s basically a little table. Also great for smashing adderall on for snorting.
Who the fuck would snort something off a toilet seat? Why would you want to bend down that far? It makes no sense. These guys are full of shit no matter what they are talking about.
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This dude's on auto-pilot. The brainworm took the helm.
Maybe the real brainworms was the cocaine we snorted along the way
Why is he allowed to be in government again?
Fascism requires bootlickers. If you lick boots, you can’t be afraid of no germs.
Because Americans let conservatives have power, which means the circus came to town. And they brought their clowns with them.
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No shit. He literally doesn't believe in germ theory. He's a moron.
The thing about germs is that they can't smell your fear. They harm indiscriminately.
Fascists think germs harm the weak, who should die to purify the gene pool, and not the genetically superior and strong. And fascists always think they are among the superior, strong ones. Everything this administration does makes sense if you assume fascist eugenics are behind it.
Y'know, i feel like if anything it would be the other way around; the wealthy who live in bubbles don't get exposed to jack shit and die from a stiff breeze
Too bad most of them have to wear swim shirts at the beach.
Some germs hate acid, some germs hate bleach. Blox kills indiscriminately! https://youtu.be/pJztwXaho00
I’m just imagining Bobby on his knees, snorting a rail off a shit smeared toilet seat, all while a perfectly clean countertop is literally right next to him. Kind of easy to imagine, considering what a fucking dumbass this guy is.
Also, whose got enough money for coke but not a small mirror, or a CD case, or a shiny book cover, or... Shit I'm telling in myself aren't I?
At least I never did it off a fucking toilet seat! Eww dude!
Bobby the type of mother fucker to not wash his hands after using the bathroom. Nasty bitch.
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Glad the dude swimming in sewage run off, doing cocaine from toilet seats, and had a parasitic brain worm is in charge of our health
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Actual question: isn't he admitting to a crime?
It's cute that you think that still matters.
When you're a sentient accumulation of germs and parasites, I'm sure a few more don't scare you
Spoiler for the end of the game
spoiler
This thing becomes human at the end of the game, so there's you answer___
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I really did think this was an onion headline at first. This is a better anti-drug PSA than anything DARE did, since this guy clearly has stimulant abuse-induced brain damage.
That's not the flex you think it is, dude
He isn't afraid of parasites either. Pretty sure putting the worm in control would be an improvement
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt4877736/
Who knew this was a documentary. .
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Well at least he isn't a drag queen
Has someone accused him of being a germophobe? Was that ever in question? We already knew we swims in sewage and picks up roadkill for dinner.
Don't shit on roadkill as an easy protein and have eaten it many times when I've hit the animal myself or witnessed it get hit. Tastes fine. The vehicle truck side is usually inedible due to the heavy bruising.
With all that being said, I've never staged a dead animal to look a certain way ever.
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Sigh... We don't need your wild party stories from the 70s... Were already sifting through the mess of other officials at other problomatic parties... Oh, you did coke off a toilet seat last week?
Thats explains a lot and not the flex you think it is anymore...
Not the fucking flex he thinks it is.
Deport RFK
Stray pubes just add to the flavour.
Can we hold a vile of anthrax and say here sir prove you are not scared.
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Every day I'm grateful not to live in the dumpster fire that is the USA...
I wish I didn't have to share a border with a dumpster fire.
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Searching the epstein and trump papers for cocaine toilets...coming right up!
Strange flex for the head of a federal agency to admit to felony drug crimes.
After all this bullshit ends, I really hope that we get a few decades of peace and prosperity. This is so very tiresome.
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And by used to, he meant this morning.
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