Ask Lemmy

I have no problem with it. The people who do tend to like things that aren't funny to me.

I don't think any language is sacred. But I also don't want to negatively impact anyone with my choice of language, so it very much depends on context. And some slurs have such a strong cultural stigma that there exists almost no context where they would be ok.

I'd say it's OK, provided that:

• The context makes it clear that it's not meant to offend.
• The slur is actually needed. If the joke works without the slur, don't.
• Limited (but diverse) audience who understand the humor at play and the people involved.

But then again, I am rarely the target of any slurs, so it's not really up to me to decide.

Example: This coworker and I used to make jokes about each other's background all the time. I was mumbling under my breath about how much I hated the paperwork involved in filing expense claims. He said something referencing my lowbrow hillbilly background and how it didn't mesh well with paperwork. I offered him 10% of the payout if he used his Jewish superpowers and did the paperwork for me. There were maybe two or three others present, all of whom knew us and our dynamic well, and nobody called HR on either of us.

IMO funny people can be funny without spreading hateful words and stereotypes.

In all things when dealing with people, be good at reading the room. Its not other peoples job to figure out if you're telling one. Its up to you to make sure they know its a joke. Just saying "the following is a joke and should not be taken seriously" isn't really enough, its too easy to hide behind that. The onus is on you to make sure people know its dark humor, and thats not an easy task. If you find yourself saying "dude, calm down, I was kidding" you failed.

I make all kinds of horrible sexist and "I hate my wife" jokes to my wife but there is no question about how i actually feel. And I dont joke like that with other people around if they aren't really good friends.

Generally, no, I don't find slurs acceptable. Let me say there are some light-hearted jokes that are more like a group's preferences than deficiencies, but it seems you're talking about stereotypical deficiencies. Language evolves and slurs can become terms of endearment

I generally find that the people who use slurs for jokes are really just reinforcing stereotypes to the harm of the named groups, all for a laugh with their in-group. When I've seen the out-group name themselves with a slur, it tends to feel like that person is trying to prove themselves to the in-group as not so out of the group. Even when "equivalent" slurs are thrown at the in-group, their weight and historical context tend to be far less impactful. Even when "cracker" is thrown at white United States Americans, there's a clear and obvious heft behind that "equivalent" term for black people, given that it's a word with such heavy risk it's still pronounced "n-word" instead of being said in full. The problem I have with these words, even among friends or when spoken by someone of that slur, is it continues to foster and promote negative stereotypes about ethnic groups, typically. Every group has something they're cheap about, yet it's "jewing down" or "gypping" you in the US+.

Personally, the only time I bring out my slurs is when my dad decides to say some oldhead racist shit. I match his harmless/"how I was raised in a different time" terminology with the equivalent words for his ancestry. Suuuuddeeenly it's a big fuckin problem. .

I'm pretth sure calling a racist white dude the N word would make them explode.

From what I understand, the mere exposure to slurs reduces one's sensitivity to prejudice. That is to say, simply hearing a joke or story with a slur makes one more racist/homophobic/etc, at least for a brief time.

The effect was not observed with other explicit language; only slurs.

If that is the case, then it causes harm even in cases where, as you put it, it is "IRONIC or DARK HUMOR context and not meant to harm."

Personally, I am based in the United States and while I am not usually the subject of slurs, I generally do not prefer them, if for no other reason than to show support for others who are targeted.

Whether it is tolerated varies by instance and community. As a general rule I'd guess it depends on whether the moderator believes your intent is to cause harm. If it is intended to be harmless then it is likely permitted. However, such language would be perceived very poorly - that is how racists talk, after all.

I, for one, would likely down vote it. On Lemmy, many communities are trans safe spaces so those kinds of slurs are not tolerated and will very quickly lead to a ban. Any use of the N-word for pretty much any reason, other than, maybe, quoting rap lyrics, would result in a ban in almost any community of American culture

In theory you should be able to use bad words in discussion, or a joke. But in reality, this is usually done in bad faith by assholes, because others don't need to. Also, if the audience doesn't know you well enough, it's a bad idea.

Use common sense to judge whether you should. Often the answer is no. I don't even remember an instance where I made such jokes.

Yeah, maybe. When it's for humour it needs to be worth it though. If it's funny enough then yes it's ok.

I believe I do it but I can't think of a specific example. Its wierd though nowadays as I feel any sarcasm or irony I do is going to attract a cult following on the internet. That guys really onto something with eathing thos irish babies by george!

I found that the people who want to make those 'dark jokes' are the people that use slurs constantly anyway. They just want to get away with it.

It depends entirely on the context, really. Slurs in a joke with random people around? Yeah naah, that's generally a terrible idea. It's not only about you needing to know the audience, the audience also needs to know you. People aren't mind readers, so your actions define you, not the intent behind them.

Shot answer: I am ok with it, but usually I am not ok with the people who are willing to say them. And to make sure it’s ok, the key is consent.

Long answer: as a brown boy myself, I find that I am not offended by the slur itself. Like, the only power a word can have is the power I give it. I generally think of the band “The Slants” that is/was comprised of Asian men who made that the name to take the power of the word away. Now you don’t really hear the word.

I think my rule of thumb is really what the dark humor is. Like, how is it said? Like, I am NOT black, but I feel comfortable making jokes about black people having smoke alarms without batteries in them. I feel comfortable making that joke with my black friend and without him. I feel ok with it because who is the joke hurting?

I’m also not a woman, but I DON’Y feel ok with making jokes about how they can’t drive, that they should be in the kitchen, etc.

The major difference here is that in this example women are being put down or being called “less.”

I see it the same way with slurs. Trigger, I’m going to use slurs here, but I’ve already used one, so maybe you should have seen the trigger at the beginning. But I feel using them is important for this conversation.

I have almost exclusively gay friends. I am not gay. We send memes back and forth calling each other “Fag” or “Faggot.” And it feels ok. What I personally do is get consent. And understand their consent can change. And I have to be ok with that.

Now, if I’m talking to someone and they call me a “gook” or they call a black person a “nigger,” I am not ok with that. I find that they usually hide behind the label of “dark comedy” and claim they’re “just joking,” but they’re not. They’re just being bigoted. And obviously that’s not ok. And that’s what I mean that while I am ok with slurs in jokes, I think people who are willingly using them in “jokes” are not joking or are doing it in bad faith to put people down.

Which is frustrating. I think being able to use them in jokes is helpful. Joking is how we open the door to real conversation. But I think people hide behind that and lie about their intentions to hurt people. And that’s why most of us aren’t ok with it and why consent is such a huge thing. So go out, call your gay friends “faggot,” but make sure you’re doing it while lifting them up, not putting them down.

Using slurs or tackling sensitive topics in dark humor is a high-difficulty craft. It requires a deep understanding of the subject, your audience, and enough cultural context to frame the joke appropriately. When done well, it can break through prejudice, fear, and cultural boundaries, leaving the audience with a deeper understanding of the human condition. The Boondocks and South Park come to mind as examples (then again, even those sometimes miss the mark). This is true not only in comedy, but most all forms of art.

However, as many people here have already pointed out, those who evangelize "dark humor" are often just using it as a shield to hide bigotry and normalize prejudice. Or otherwise are attempting to use shock, at the expense of others, to derive a cheap laugh. In all of these cases, the harm caused runs in direct opposition to the value of comedy, and should be treated with the same disdain it shows for its victims.

So to answer your question: yes, I'm okay with all forms of humor meant to bring people together and lift each other up, including dark humor. But knowing myself, my audience, and how my background affects how my jokes are perceived, I would not be able to pull such humor off gracefully or with the respect it deserves. Nor do I have any desire to use, or see any personal value or utility in using, slurs in any context. Instead, I use humor I can pull off to make those around me feel safe, comfortable, and able to laugh together. Which again, should be the goal imho.

I think it's too easy to be misinterpreted in a text based format even if you think you know your audience and you'll just villify yourself eventually online. Have you ever heard the internet wisdom about certain communities that are all about pretending to be X as a joke eventually just being overwhelmed by people who don't realise it's a joke?

Real life and in video form? Eh it depends whether I know if the person/host interacting with me is actually hateful or not. I don't partake myself as a white cis dude from Canada, just feels wrong so I won't use the words myself. At the same time I can watch a comedic person skirt that line for a laugh like PayMoneyWubby.

My best friend who is also living with me is both autistic and pansexual with a trans partner. They absolutely call eachother slurs for a laugh and that's fine with me.

Words can be harmful even if you don't mean them to be. If the slur doesnt apply to you, you should not be using it. If it does apply to you, there is a discussion to be had, but i still avoid using the slurs that apply to me in most cases because they rarely have a positive effect on the point or joke i am making.

I’m okay with it under very limited conditions. To boil it down, I have to be 100% sure that they’re joking. For one thing, people say that shit seriously and then claim “it was just a joke”.

Without things like tone of voice and facial expression for people to go on, you’re gonna be misunderstood sooner rather than later. And yes, you might even find yourself banned. I’d suggest finding a different technique.

yes

Like pornography I know it when I see it.